Hilarious beyblade stories
by Sakura Sama 101
Summary: i wrote a lot of short stories some are assignments. Kai gets sugar high? Ray goes crazy? evil gophers,ronald mc donald blows up? kenny's on drugs, everyone getting arrested on cops and lots of yelling,WTF! each chapter is a different story.
1. detecive work

The blade breakers attempt detective work.

By sakura sama 101.

This is basically a collection of stories that I wrote. Some of them I handed in but my language arts teacher is one hard nut to crack.

Disclaimer: I do not own beyblade.

"Who are you, ouh ouh ouh I really wanna know-" the radio goes.

"Turn that crap off!" Kai hollers.

"Fine!" Jordan yelled back as she turned off the radio. The phone rings. Ray puts it on speaker.

"Hello, Detective office Ray speaking!" Ray answered. The commotion between Kai and Jordan stopped.

"HELP! SOME GIANT MONSTER IS EATING MY…what was it called again? Oh yeah SOMETHING IS EATING MY STORE! AHHH IT'S EATING ME ALIVE! NO NOT THERE AAAAHHHH!" there was a growl then the phone hung up

"Where's Tyson?" Max asks. Everyone shrugged except for Jordan.

"Inspector gadget ouh ouh!" she sung. Kenny pulled off her head phones.

"Give it a rest!" Kai says obviously frustrated with his crazy colleague.

"Fine. Are we going to the place of the crime scene?" Jordan asked.

"Yes lets go!" Ray said. They hop into the blade mobile. A theme song suddenly came on, it sounded like the Batman song. Adam West came up.

"hey that's my song!" he yelled and then disappeared. The theme stopped. They got to the store. A harassed cashier ran up to them.

"What happened here mam?" Kenny asks.

"Something ate everything in the store." The cashier explains.

"What did it look like?" Ray asks.

"It was big and hairy. It looked human, you know how the hulk transforms? Like that. Some of its cloths are over there." The cashier shows them.

"Sounds like someone I know…" Kai thinks out loud.

"Don't start." Jordan growled and looked at the cloths. One is a red and white jacket and the other is a mustard yellow t-shirt. "Oh God it can't be."

"What did I tell you! It's-" Kai began.

"We won't know for sure until we scan those clothes." Max cuts in. they quickly left and began scanning the clothes.

"I'm afraid to tell you this but the culprit was-" Dizzi began.

"Hey, what'd I miss?" Tyson asked as he came through the door.

"Tyson!" Kai finishes. "Trademark jacket and shirt, scary appearance, monster appetite-"

"Yes it was Tyson. I looked in his file and overlooked that he was a schizophrenic." Dizzi explains.

"Huh what are you talking about? I remember getting groceries for grandpa so that he wouldn't torture me by making me listen to his rap then my mind going blank." Tyson explains.

"You destroyed the grocery store. I think I have an idea which will prevent this from ever happening again." Ray said as he slipped an amulet with a hamburger over Tyson's head. "I have a theory that when Tyson's hunger kicks in he transforms into a monster. This should keep that part at bay."

"Will I go to jail?" Tyson asks.

"I don't think so since you have a mental illness…Kai don't say it. (Kai's mouth was open. He shut it.) but I think you should apologise to the store." Kenny says.

"Ok…" Tyson answered glad that he wasn't going behind bars but worried about going into an asylum. They go to the store. The same cashier walks up to them.

"Did you find out who it was?" she asked.

"Yeah in an amazing turn of events it was our colleague Tyson. It was unintentional but we are going to fine him a $900 dollar fine." Max explains. Tyson opened his mouth to protest but remembered there could be worse.

"Sorry about trashing your store. I have problems and my fine is going to fund your store." He said instead.

"Yeah we know you have problems." Kai murmurs under his breath.

"Apology accepted." The cashier said.

"We better go. More cases to solve." Ray says. Then our heroes walked off into the sunset.

"hey! Its 11 in the morning! How the hell do you do that!" Jordan hollers. Never mind. They go off back to the lab.


	2. tyson goes to costco

Tyson goes to Costco.

Thanxs! i'm glad you like it animegirl329! I got this idea when I was in the tub (one of my best thinking places) and thought what would happen if Tyson went to Costco. I was writing this when I was on the plane and caused a big scene when I started laughing out loud. Anyway on with the fic.

"Hey Jordan? Are there any Canadian delicacies?" Tyson asks. Jordan looked thoughtful.

"Alberta beef, prairie oysters (cow testicles), escargot maybe and some others that I can't think of right now." She answers. Jordan begins to walk away but turns around. "We have the best super store."

"What do you mean?" Ray asks.

"Well I think that Costco is the greatest store in the world other than the hobby shop." Jordan answers.

"Costco?" Tyson asks.

"A store! It's so cool! It sells everything clothes, food, electronics all that stuff!" Max says.

(AN I don't know if there's a Costco in Japan but I'll pretend there isn't.)

"Not to mention free food samples!" Jordan adds.

"They give you food?" Tyson shrieks excited at the word food samples.

"What did I just say?" Jordan says sarcastically

"A store that gives you food! I can't wait until we get to the Canadian part of the tournament!" Tyson was about ready to hyperventilate.

"There's costcos in the US too!" Max points out.

"How come I haven't seen any?" Tyson asks.

"Cause there's a god of food named Costco and he hid the store from you. Oh and before you get all excited Tyson you have to get past crazy peoples that ask you questions before you get free food." Jordan answers sarcastically.

Later on…

"Where's Jordan?" Ray asks, all of them are on the plane to Canada.

"She caught an earlier flight. She's waiting for us." Mr. Dickenson answers.

"Can we pleeeaassee go to Costco!" Tyson moans.

"Later." Tyson and Max cheer.

When they get to Canada…

"Boy its cold." Tyson comments. They are all wearing jackets except for Kai. Russia is colder than Canada.

"It's -10." Kenny informs.

"There is another day until the tournament starts so we'll save ourselves a great deal of stress which I'm sure Kai has felt, we'll go to Costco." Mr. Dickenson says.

They walk into the store when…

"Costco card?" a lady employee asks.

"What card? Oh no we're gonna get kicked out! We are all gonna choke on cheese and DIE!" Tyson starts running and screaming until Kai grabs the back of his jacket.

"Grow up and shut up. I have had it with your childish behaviour." Kai states.

"Sometimes I'm ashamed to know him." Ray whispers to Kenny and Max.

"Here." Mr. Dickenson says as he and Max hold out cards. The lady lets them through. They look at all the electronics.

"This is kinda like a mall." Ray comments.

"Yeah…" Kenny agrees. They leave the electronics.

"Oh boy a food stand!" Tyson shouts as he runs over and eats all the food. "Hey nobody's here."

"Don't worry she's coming back soon." Says a lady from the food stand across from them. She was serving sausage. Tyson was about to take some when… "Do you have any allergies? Where are your parents?" the lady asks.

"AHH! Evil question asking peoples that won't let you have food!" Tyson yells.

"J-CHAN! Hurry up!" the lady yells.

"Ok!" a voice from above answers.

"Get your ass over here! I have a bone to pick with you!"

"Ok Baileigh coming…" a girl jumps off one of the shelves and lands behind her stand. Kenny, Max, Tyson and Baileigh almost have heart attacks.

"Will you stop doing that? Anyway were you spreading that joke around again?" Baileigh gasps.

"To answer your questions in order…No and yes. Oh hi guys."

"AHH JORDAN! THE WORLD'S GONNA END WITH A CHEESY DEATH!" Tyson shrieks.

"You work at Costco?" Max asks with slight disbelief.

"Are you really Jordan and not a piece of cheese?" Tyson asks. (I was watching wallus and gromit when I was writing this part so that is why Tyson is crackers about cheese.) Tyson eats one of the sausages.

"Oh my god you aren't allergic to anything are you?" Baileigh asks.

"No he isn't. They're with me." Jordan answers. "Baileigh what time is it?"

Baileigh looks at her watch. "5:00"

"Good my shift is over so how 'bout I give you a tour of the store." Jordan offers. They begin to look around. Tyson and Max are shoving everything they can get their hands on in the cart.

"Why are you throwing things like this in the cart?" Ray asks holding up a package of pads.

"Hey those are mine!" Jordan says taking the package. She's as red as a tomato.

"So why are you throwing food in the cart when we can just get take out?" Kenny asks.

"Cuz I don't want to get the mic-shits! It's always at mc donalds." Max answers.

"And this is any better?" Kai asks pointing at a chocolate cake.

"Meh." Kenny says. "Hey doughnuts!" Kenny puts doughnuts in the cart. Ray looks around then picks up a box of Jones soda and a box of flavoured water in the cart. Jordan puts in a whole bunch of electronics.

When they get to the till…

"Video camera, doughnuts, candy, burritos, 3 big tins of coffee, candy, sausage, candy, cake, bananas, digital camera, laptop, candy, cheese, noodles, pop, water, pizza pops, rolls, pads, chips, soap, 3 bottles of shampoo and 3 of conditioner, candy, cheese, cookies, toothpaste, books, DVDS, apples, face paint, gummies, Tylenol, Advil, cheese and candy. That all comes to 1024.05." says the cashier.

"1024.05! that's way too much for all that! I'm protesting!" Tyson yells as he goes outside and just about to yell but he gets jumped by a lot of girls. Kai picks up a can of tag body spray.

"Now we know why he didn't smell so bad these past few days." Kai says.

"I have to get some of that!" Kenny says enviously at Tyson.

"Here." Mr. Dickenson pays. After rescuing Tyson…which we all know he didn't want to be, they were sitting on the shuttle bus.

"That was kinda fun." Ray says.

"I'll say." Max agrees.

"Well we have to get ready for the tournament tomorrow." Jordan adds.

And that ends the chapter! Hey if any of you have ideas for future chapters I would love to hear them! Please review me! Tell me what you think! Well Ja for now!


	3. Kai gets a sugar high

Kai gets a sugar high

NOTE; My character in my other beyblade fic kinda likes to secretly give people sugar pills. In a later chapter of my other fic she's gonna drug Kenny but she accidentally gives him hormonal pills but she decided to try Kai first.

Other note. I just watched an episode of beyblade where Kai betrays the blade breakers and I had a thought. Due to crazy circumstances I missed all of beyblade V force except for a part of one episode concerning Ray and salima. So do the others forgive Kai and let him come back to the blade breakers? Please answer this through review please! Now on with the fic!

OH YEAH! I forgot to mention that I had an idea about having the beyblade characters replacing the characters in Lord of the rings; I don't know if I should or not please give me your opinion. If I decide I should it might take a while for me to get started and post the chapters but I had a hilarious idea for the characters believe me it's gonna be funny though.

Disclaimer; I wish I owned beyblade but I don't I really don't.

Over the short period that Jordan knew Kai, he didn't show that much emotion and was a real loner. She decided to do a small experiment that ended in disaster.

Beep Beep Beep Beep SLAM!

"No not another one…" Jordan groaned into her pillow and looked up to see her smashed alarm clock. "Shit." She walked out to the kitchen and began to grab an electric frying pan. Ray and Kai came into the kitchen. "Morning."

"Morning." Ray answered. Kai nodded. Jordan began to make some pancakes and a pot of coffee. She didn't cook very often so she didn't mind. She began to sing

"_Barney was a dinosaur with no imagination, big and fat and full of crap he died of constipation, Barney can kiss my big ass because I do not need him, barney can go down to hell because he's Satan's minion." _

She began to flip the pancakes and pours the coffee into three cups. "Do you guys want sugar in your coffee?"

"Sure." Ray answers. Kai nods. Jordan puts one spoonful of sugar in Ray's coffee and secretly puts two sugar pills in Kai's. The coffee was very strong but it would still taste a little sweet. She walks over and gives them their coffee.

"Thank you." Ray says.

"Thanks." Kai says. Jordan walks back to the pan. She puts the done pancakes on a large plate she puts some batter on the pan. She puts 3 crushed sugar pills each in two pancakes.

Ray was looking at his wristwatch "3…2…1."

"MAX I SMELL PANCAKES!" Tyson is heard yelling. Jordan yawned amidst all the thudding and yelling and cursing. She then put four large pancakes on a plate labelled Tyson. One on Kenny's, 2 on Max's and put them on the table. She then grabbed the sugar pill pancakes and put them on a plate and 2 for Ray. There were also a few extra in case Tyson was extra hungry. Kenny and Max came down just as Jordan put the other plates on the table. She was about to say something but there was a big thud. They sat down and began to eat. Tyson runs to the table. He has his shirt on backwards and two legs in one pant leg.

"Tyson how did you make it down the stairs?" Kenny asks.

"I fell down a lot." Tyson answers. They ate breakfast. Later on…

Tyson was playing Grand theft auto San Andréas with Max. Kai was hiding behind Tyson's chair, he pressed L1 on Tyson's controller so that Tyson's character and an old guy were frenching. Kai starts to laugh hysterically.

(AN; I did do that to my friend when we were playing that game. I was on a sugar high.)

"Jesus Christ Max!" Tyson yells.

"It wasn't me!" Max defends. Kai rolls in front of Tyson laughing.

"Kai?" Tyson asks a little unnerved.

"He couldn't have." Max says. Kai prances away. Later on everyone except Kai is in the living room. Kai prances in with a tutu on with glittery eye shadow and lipstick on and to top it off he had pink stripes on his face instead of his original blue ones. He was also holding a fairy wand.

"Hi fellow slackers and dumbasses. I'm a pretty fairy from the land where there are unicorns and butterflies! I'm here to make the world a pretty place where the sun will smile and all the bad people will go to hell. I'm also here to apologise to all the people that I have pissed off in the past." Kai says. He walks over to Tyson. "Starting with you Tyson." He kisses Tyson on the cheek.

"AHH! What's wrong with you!" Tyson shrieks. Everyone is trying hard not to laugh.

"Nothing…nothing at all." Kai answers and prances out of the room. He changes back into his clothes and wipes off most of the make-up and puts back his blue stripes. Kai comes back giggling.

"No seriously what's wrong with you Kai?" Max asks.

"What, being in an abbey when I was a kid, having a crazy family and being with people like you? I was bound to snap eventually." Kai answers.

'Ok I didn't mean for him to go loco.' Jordan thought. Kai starts playing with Barbies.

"La la la la di da da." Kai says. He starts making them prance around. The others silently leave the room.

"then optimus prime kills Barbie by stabbing her with a knife." Kai stabs Barbie. The others were watching from the hall.

"I'm worried about my sanity." Tyson comments.

"Don't worry you lost it long ago." Jordan burned Tyson but he didn't get it.

"Hey Jordan you didn't have anything to do with this did you?" Ray asks as he holds up a sticky note saying 'Give Kai sugar pills.' He winks.

"I didn't do it." Jordan says in an innocent tone that fooled nobody.

"Yeah you did." Max says.

"What's wrong with you?" Tyson shrieks.

"Lots of things." Jordan answers.

"…you just burned yourself." Kenny points out.

"I know." Jordan says.

"How long is it until the effects wear off?" Ray asks. Jordan looks at the bottle.

"Uhhhh………….i gave him eight so all day." She answers.

"Aye Faye." Kenny says.

"EIGHT!" Tyson hollers.

"I thought that Kai would have a stronger sugar immunity." Jordan answered.

"I wanna go to Mc donalds!" Kai yells from the living room. "Die Magnito!" the magnito doll hits Tyson in the back of the head.

"Should we?" Ray asks.

"Sure I could use it as black mail if Kai makes a jackass of himself." Max answers. They get in the car…

"Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy! We're going for a ride!" Kai says as he's hopping on the car seat.

"Yeah no shit Sherlock." Tyson says beside him.

"Shut up Tubby Tomkins." Kai says. Ray starts the car thus ending the fight.

"Where is Mc Donalds?" Ray asks as he turns left.

"What? You don't remember?" Max asks.

"OMG! WE'RE GONNA DIE! STARVE! DECAP-" Kai begins. Kenny slaps him from his other side. The car swerves cause Ray was taken by surprise by Kai's yelling.

"Pull yourself together! God you're a mess!" Kenny shrieks.

"OMG…Ray look out!" Jordan screams from the passenger seat.

"What?" Ray asks. THUD a deer goes flying.

"How does that work out in a big city?" Kenny asks.

"Who cares! Did you see how far it flew!" Max comments.

"Look at all the blood and guts!" Jordan adds.

"Hey look there's Mc Donalds." Ray Tyson and Kai say at the same time.

They park and go in…

Kai turned a lot of heads for one he was bouncing all over the place and he still had a little make-up on.

Jordan looked at the overhead menu. "What does everyone want?"

"Happy Meal!" Kai and Tyson shouted at the same time.

"Uh chicken selects." Max says.

"HAPPY MEAL!" Kai shouts.

"I HEARD!" Jordan yelled back.

"Good." Kai says.

"A big mac." Ray says.

"Cesar salad." Kenny says.

"You're a vegetarian?" Jordan asks.

"Uhh…maybe." Kenny says fearing the worst.

"NO! not another one! I already failed with my cousin and now you!" Jordan yells.

"I'm not a vegetarian. I just need to eat healthier since I got out of rehab." Kenny explains.

"What for Marijuana?" Max guesses. Kenny remains silent.

"Um yeah, I'm gonna order while you guys find a table…" Jordan says. She orders and brings the food to where the others found a table…

"On the train…are you nuts?" Jordan asks.

"Kai's idea." Max explains.

"Well I'm sitting here." Jordan sits at a table right beside the train.

"WHOO WHOO! CHUGA CHUGA CHUGA CHUGA CHOO CHOO!" Kai yells on the train. Max and Tyson join Kai on the train. Kenny and Ray sit with Jordan at the table.

While eating…

"Psst hey guys!" Kai whispers

"Yeah?" Ray answers.

"Say no to crack." Kai whispers pointing at a fat guy bending over. You could see his ass hanging out. Everyone giggles silently.

(AN; My dad seriously did that at Mc donalds once.)

Kai is playing on the playplace.

"Look guys I'm in a rocket ship!" Kai hollers from above them. Soon he was the only one there cause he scared all the kids away. Soon the restaurant sent some help named…

"Ronald Mc Donald? I'm not fat and I exercise enough though you might wanna talk to him." Kai points at Tyson. "Hey why are you touching me?" Kai say squirming out of the clown's grip.

"Your over the age of thirteen and you're a fag, get out of the playplace." Ronald answers. Everyone is watching below. Ronald manages to get Kai down but…

"I don't like being touched…and I'm not a fag, unlike you. (Kai wipes off the make-up and grabs a bazooka.) "READY OR NOT RONALD SEEK AND DESTROY!" Kai yells as he pulls the trigger. Bits of the used to be clown land everywhere.

"Lets get out of here." Ray suggests looking at all the parent's angry faces.

They leave and get to the car…

"Oh shit, rabid fan girls!" Jordan says. The others had no comment.

"Oh look there they are!" one screeched. The girls run toward them Jordan let off a smoke bomb. When it cleared Jordan was the only one gone. She was in the driver seat. The girls were swarmed around the guys. Kenny Max and Tyson were enjoying it Ray was running for the car and Kai was freaking out.

"AHH I'm claustrophobic!" Kai yells and runs after Ray. Ray jumps into the front passenger side and Kai hopped into the back. They were waiting for the others. 15 minutes later…

"Screw this." Jordan growls. She lays on the horn and floors it. Sure a few got hit but nobody died. Tyson and the others got in the car and we all know they didn't want to. They drove off.

"Let's see…it's 7:30 so let's go back." Jordan says as she turns the car. On the way she burned a lot of red lights and caused a few near death experiences.

"Do you have a driver's license?" Ray asks uncertainly.

"No." Jordan answers shamelessly.

"Ok that explains things- Jordan watch out for that semmy!" Tyson yells.

"AHHHH!" everyone screams. Jordan floors it.

When the get to the house…

"LAND!" Kai yells as he falls out of the car and starts to kiss the lawn.

"Well I'm going to bed…I've had enough craziness for one day." Kenny yawns and leaves.

"I'm never gonna forget today and Kai is probably gonna kill either us or himself tomorrow so I'm going to bed." Max says.

"me too." Tyson says.

"I'm gonna stay up for a bit." Jordan says.

"Me too." Ray says. Kai was already gone. Everyone left. "Did you get it?"

"Yep!" Jordan pulled a small camera out of her hair. "That was fun."

"Yeah. We should stage things like this more often." Ray answers.

"It's a deal."

That ends Kai's sugar high. If you have any suggestions for future chapters I would love to hear them! Oh and don't forget to tell me what you think about the lord of the rings thing eh? Well this is sakura sama 101 signing off!


	4. Ray's intro to cat nip

Ray's introduction to catnip.

Thanxs! i'm glad all of you like it so far! Everyone wants to pick on Ray! I'm sorry animegirl329 but your idea is gonna be next chapter ok! I got this idea from Tatitails410 I have been thinking about this for a while and now is my chance to type it out! Thanx Tatitails410 for the idea! Anyway on with the fic.

Ray was walking through the house. There was nobody in sight. He walked through the kitchen and then through the living room to see Kai sitting on a couch with a happy birthday hat duct taped to his head.

"SURPRISE!" Jordan, Kenny, Max and Tyson yelled and jumped out behind the couch Kai was sitting on.

"Happy Birthday Ray!" Jordan said, holding a cake with 15 candles lit.

They all sat at the coffee table. They all began to sing (even kai) either the normal happy birthday or as Tyson sung,

"Happy Birthday to you you're 100 and 2 you look like a monkey and you smell like one too!" Ray gave Tyson a funny look then blew out the candles. There was one left. He blew it again it went out but re-ignited. He tried again but the same thing happened.

"Goddamn trick candles!" Ray growled. (AN; don't you just hate those?) He licked his thumb and his index finger and pinched the wick.

"And all the bums on channel one, all the dicks on channel six, Frankenstein on channel nine, Charles Mcgee on channel three, all the gays on channel eight, switching wives on channel five, big ben on channel ten, many more on channel four!" Jordan says.

Everyone was eating except Kai. Max and Jordan brought in presents. Ray picked up one.

"Hey this is from the white tigers." Ray opens it. There was a pair of yin-yang fingerless gloves. "Cool."

"Here's mine." Kenny says handing Ray a present. He opens it.

"Sweet a new launcher! Thanks chief." Ray says.

"Me next! Me next!" Tyson yells waving a present.

"Uh ok." Ray says taking the gift. He opens it. "Oh……burnt brownies…..thanks…" he picks up another one. "Hey this is from Kai. I wasn't sure if you were gonna give me one since Tyson's birthday."

"Ha ha." Kai said sarcastically. Ray opens it.

"Hey a watch thankyou." Ray says.

"It'll help you get to training on time." Kai explains.

"Hey how come he gets a watch and I got an 'Eating for Dummies' book?" Tyson asks. Kai remains silent.

"Umm here's my present Ray." Max breaks the silence. Ray opens it.

"Cool a remote control airplane. Thanks Max." Ray says.

"welcome." Max answers.

"Well here's mine." Jordan says as she gives Ray a present. He opens it.

"hey a label maker! Cool!" Ray says as he makes a label saying 'Kick me' and he puts it on Tyson.

"Yeah I thought that would amuse you." Jordan adds.

"Hey a 'Kick me' sign!" Kenny says and kicks Tyson.

"Ow you stoner midget!" Tyson yelps.

"Hey there's one more." Max comments and gives it to Ray.

"It's from my grandfather…why would he give me a present now?" Ray asks.

FLASHBACK…

Ray was playing with his beyblade. His grandpa comes out drinking a bottle of peppermint schnapps.

"Hey there Rapunzel you still playin' with dose funky spinnin' tops?" he asks oddly slurred as he stumbles over.

"Grandpa drop dead, it would do the world a favour." Ray growls.

"Look I don't like you and you don't like me but lets call a truce." Grandpa offers.

"Whatever you'll probably say psych!" Ray answers.

"Why you little!" Grandpa starts choking Ray. Ray retaliated by kicking his grandpa in the balls. "Oh shit! My arm's going numb!" grandpa falls over because he is having a heart attack.

"Oh crap…I killed him…halleluiah!" Ray says.

"Ding dong the bastard's dead." Lee says as he walks out of the bush. "Good kick."

"Not yet you girl." Grandpa groans.

END FLASHBACK…

"Harsh. Well lets open it." Jordan says. Ray does so. It's…

"Cookies. Not burnt ones either." Tyson informs.

"They smell kinda strange but a good strange." Jordan and Ray comment.

"They smell normal to me." Max says.

"Well I'm gonna eat them now I guess." Ray eats them.

"Lets clean up." Kenny suggests. They all clean up and a little while later…

Ray was running crazily around the house. Tyson was walking to the kitchen, he opened a door and…

"AAAHHH!" Ray pounced on him.

"Gottcha!" Ray giggled. He got off the dazed Tyson and continued to run around the house. He spotted the pair of drapes that he always wanted to destroy but never had the opportune moment. Ray began to climb them when he was halfway up Kai walked in.

"What the hell are you doing Ray!"

"Nothing." Ray said innocently as he unintentionally began to slide down leaving long gashes in the drapes. He let go and landed on the coffee table thus breaking it. Ray began to walk toward Kai but something caught his eye, he pounced and ran out of the room.

"O M F G! RAY! Spit out that mouse now!" Jordan shrieked. She was tapping her foot Ray spit out the mouse and attacked her foot. "AHH!" Jordan jumped. Now she was hanging from the ceiling with Ray still attached to her foot. Kenny walked in on the pair of them.

"Did you drug him?" Kenny asked.

"No I swear I didn't this time!" Jordan answered trying to shake Ray off her foot. Tyson came in.

"I don't want to know how this happened." Tyson looks at them then at the mouse on the floor.

"Good cause I'm not telling you." Jordan retorts. Ray lets go and runs off. Then the mouse got up and ran away. Kai walked in.

"Have any of you seen Ray?" he asks looking at the scene in front of him. Jordan let go of the ceiling.

"He just ran off." Kenny answers.

"He's lost it, we finally made him snap." Tyson says.

"And you haven't?" Kai asks.

Max was walking by the stairs; Ray slid down the banister and crashed into Max.

"AHHHH!" Max and Ray flew by the others. Ray was giggling like mad.

"Dizzi can you trace what was in those cookies?" Kenny asks holing one.

They walked into the living room. Jordan being smart put Ray on a leash.

"Aw why did you put this on me?" Ray pouts.

"We have our reasons." Tyson says. Ray is trying to pull the leash off.

Dizzi was tracing the cookie. "No wonder Ray's over the moon! Those cookies possess substantial amounts of catnip! That's why Jordan and Ray thought the cookies smelt strange." Dizzi explained.

Jordan and Ray were fighting over a cat toy. A ball with a jingle.

"Huh catnip? I love catnip." Jordan comments.

"Hee hee!" Ray adds. Jordan looks at the ball. 'Made with catnip.'

"Oh shit." Jordan says. She threw the ball. Ray tried running after it but couldn't cause Jordan was still holding on to the leash. Ray almost choked himself.

"Ray I knew you were on a short leash but I didn't know you were on a choke chain." Tyson jokes.

"Shut up Tyson I'm not that mean!" Jordan says.

(AN; if you've ever seen Grumpier old men you would probably get this and if you have a sick mind.)

There was a knock on the door. Max looks out the window.

"Damn it's that rich old hag from next door!" Max informs.

"Open this door right now! Do you hear me! Open this door you bunch of brats!" they can hear her shout. She had an English accent.

"I've got an idea." Kai says. He takes the leash from Jordan and pulls Ray over to the door. He takes it off but holds Ray by the neck of his shirt.

"Are you deaf you bunch of Jackasses? Open this door!" The hag goes on.

"Ok you bitch." Jordan says as she opens the door. Kai lets go of Ray. Ray runs for the lady and knocks her right off the deck.

"Holy shit that was sweet!" Kenny comments.

"Help I'm being assaulted by a fleabag!" the old bag yells. Ray is biting her.

"Like you should talk…OW! He bit me! Down Ray! Heel!" Tyson says pulling Ray off of her.

The lady stands up, "Why I never! I'm going to sue your asses all the way to kingdom come and put down that savage beast." Ray growls and hisses and tries to get at her again.

"Yep you do that, tell me how it goes for you." Jordan says. Ray is desperately trying to get out of Tyson's grip to get at the old lady. He's really hissing and snarling now. The lady who is really creeped out by this leaves.

"Well that was fun." Max comments. Ray stopped hissing and is now rolling on the grass. They are back inside and are in the living room.

"Well what should we do about this?" Kenny asks watching Ray chase after his model airplane.

"I dunno. Maybe I should-" CRASH! Jordan's sentence was cut short for Ray crashed into the living room window.

"Damn it Max!" Ray growled.

"sorry Ray." Max giggled. He had the remote.

"Maybe I should call lee." Jordan finishes.

"Why would that help us?" Kai asks.

"Well Lee and Ray were friends since they were little. Maybe lee knows how to solve this." Jordan answers.

"Or the other white tigers!" Max adds.

"Hn." Kai responds. Jordan grabs the phone and dials a number. She puts it on speaker.

"_Hello this is Mariah." _Mariah answers the phone.

"Hi Mariah is Lee there? It's really important." Jordan answers.

"_Oh hi Jordan! Sure one moment…**LEE!** The blade breakers need to talk to you! They say it's urgent!" _Mariah can be heard.

"_No! I'm training! **TRAINING!**"_ Lee can be heard.

"_He'll be on in a sec…Lee you're talking to them even if I have to catch you and duct tape the phone to your ear!" _Mariah can be heard. There was a whole bunch of screaming and yelling and fight noises going on. Ray soon lost interest and ran off. Finally…

"_Lee here. This better be good." _Lee says.

"Yeah we kinda have a dilemma. Ray's grandpa sent Ray some catnip cookies for his birthday and now Ray has lost it." Tyson explains.

"_That rotten bastard. He did that to Ray when he was a kid too. I was there." _

"So what did you do?" Kenny asked.

"_Hit him in the head with a frying pan. Knocked him out for a few hours, he was normal after he woke up." _

"That was crazy…thanks for the tip…O…M…F…G…Ray is climbing that tree!" Jordan says. Ray is trying to climb a really high tree, to get to a nest of birds at the top.

"Thanks lee! We're gonna try that tip!" Max says.

"_Glad I could help." _Lee answers. Max hangs up. They run outside.

Ray is climbing ever higher. The birds just notice him.

"I taught I taw a puddy tat!" bird one said in bird language.

"You did you did you did taw a puddy tat!" bird 2 commented.

"tould we fly away or use our ammo?" bird 3 asks

"Look cute and cuddly boys cute and cuddly. Maybe he'll change his mind Reeko." Bird 4 answers

"How'd you get up here! You're a penguin?" Bird 2 asks.

"Jet pack…names Dicky…Dicky bird." Bird four answers.

"Oh so that's why you have a tux." Bird one says. (Tuxedo)

Meanwhile…

"Ray get down!" Kenny yells. Ray doesn't respond

"I'll get the frying pan!" Tyson runs inside.

"Dat puddy is geddin closer." Bird 2 comments.

"Use ammo or fly away…who here has ammo?" Bird 3 asks.

"I don't have to go…" bird two answers.

"Me neither I pooped on that rich hag's car." Bird 1 comments. Shows a car covered in bird shit.

"So did I now that I think of it." Bird 3 remembers.

"I had to have an enema." Dicky comments.

(AN; for those who don't know very many medical terms, an enema is usually for seniors. It's where they stick a long tube up your ass and pump fluids to clean out your lower intestine and rectum. No this isn't the real definition out of the book; yes I might get a career in medicine. If you want some weird phobias review me and if you're anonymous and want some give me your e-mail address I swear that it is completely confidential and I will not share your info with anyone else.)

"We'll hafta fly." Bird 2 confirms.

"I got the frying-" BANG Tyson knocked himself out.

"Pathetic." Kai says as he grabs it.

"Great…I'll lure him down." Jordan says as she pulls out the catnip ball. "Here Ray! I got something for ya!"

Ray looks at her. He jumps off his branch which is 17 feet off the ground, everything goes slow mo.

"Well if we do knock him out with the frying pan not only will he get a concussion but a few broken limbs as well." Max comments.

"Yeah and I'll get flattened." Jordan moves back a few paces.

They wait for Ray to hit the ground.

"How long has it been?" Kai asks.

Kenny looks at his watch "6 minutes."

"Dis is gettin' ridiculous." Bird one comments.

"Yeah oh wait…he just fell an inch." Dicky the penguin comments.

"Just when it couldn't get any weirder." Bird 3 adds.

"15 minutes." Kenny says. Ray is close to hitting the ground. Things go back to normal speed and Ray falls flat on his face.

"Ok that was a total rip. I thought cats always landed on their feet?" Max asks.

"Yeah well what are ya gonna do?" Kai answers.

One hour later…

Ray woke up. "What happened? I remember falling out of a tree and that's all. How come you're all sweaty?" Ray asks.

"Believe…me…you don't…wanna know." Max was trying to lift Tyson onto a couch.

"Max you've been trying to put him on there for 40 minutes. Do yourself a favour and leave him on the floor." Kenny advises.

"Ok." Max drops Tyson and on the way down he hits his head on a piece of wood on the coffee table and the other end hits Max in the head. He falls and hits the bookshelf.

"Max?" Ray asks Max didn't respond.

"Fuck." Kai said.

"PSYCH!" Max yells.

2 days later…

"Ok Tyson hasn't woken up yet. I think he's dead." Jordan comments.

"But he still has a pulse and is breathing." Ray says.

"Man he must've smoked himself good with that frying pan…" Kenny comments.

"And the coffee table." Jordan adds.

"Plus when we dropped him down the stairs." Max remembers.

"what was that Maxie?" Tyson asks sitting up.

"Crap you're still alive?" Kai asks.

"yep." Tyson answers.

"Holy shit." Jordan begins.

"We thought you were dead." Ray finishes.

"AHH EVIL DEMON SENT FROM SATAN TO KILL US ALL!" Tyson shouts.

"I'm normal now." Ray says.

"Really cuz you're still weird to me." Tyson comments.

"Why you little!" Ray starts choking Tyson.

That ends Ray's intro to catnip. AnimeGirl329's idea is next chapter. Hey if any of you have ideas for future chapters I would love to hear them! Please review me! Tell me what you think! And also please tell me about the Kai question in the chapter before and the lord of the rings thing .Sakura Sama 101 signing off!

Sakura Sama 101.


	5. Ray's cat trauma

Ray gets traumatised.

Hi my loyal fans! Well I don't know if this one is as funny as the others but I did have lots of fun writing this one! I got this idea from AnimeGirl329 and I know I said I'd have this up by Saturday but I miscalculated. First off I had to go to the big city for two days and then I thought that I'd be home on Thursday for some weird reason and then we had to do a whole bunch of stuff on the weekend and so on…so now on with the fic!

Ray was rock climbing in china cause there was a cat hanging off a bridge. Finally he made it to the bridge, he grabbed onto the cat. He tried pulling it up, which it was hard because this cat was big and fat. Suddenly Ray slipped on a banana peel that magically appeared there.

"SHIT!" Ray growled. Now Ray was hanging onto the bridge with one hand and the fat cat with the other, Ray was starting to lose his grip with the cat. Ray was very close to losing grip with the cat two minutes later. Finally..

"Meow?" fat cat said then Ray lost grip.

"No! fat shit cat!" Ray yelled…

PSYCH! MWA HA HA HA HA HA! I sure got ya there didn't i? No this isn't how it begins; I'm just screwing with your minds. If you can guess one of the two movies that had the same idea I'll give you a……COOKIE AND COKE! This is how it really goes…or is it?

"Hey Ray?" Tyson is poking Ray who is sleeping on the couch.

"Go away." Ray grunted into the cushion.

"YOU GOT A SEX CHANGE!" Tyson yells randomly. He then grabs a stick and starts whacking Ray.

"I'm up already! What the hell do you want! If you want that bet money………………I didn't spend it on beer and inflatable boobs ok!" Ray says as he rolls over.

"We have no food! Max and Kenny finished off the last of the spices and I ate a bottle of maple syrup! Kai has disappeared! I haven't seen him except for training! I always knew he was a vampire….. Jordan forgot to get the groceries 3 times! Like who forgets to get food!-"

"Get to the point Tyson." Ray yawned.

"I would ask Jordan to get the groceries but she disappeared too! I need you to get them."

"Fine." Ray agreed. Tyson starts kissing Ray's shoes.

"Thank you! You're my hero! Eww! Is that a wart?" asks Tyson.

"No…" Ray walks toward the door. He sees Kenny trying to eat his laptop.

"We're saved?" Kenny yells.

'Boy, either they did something to really piss Jordan off and she's making everyone suffer or she's trying out apathy.' Ray thought as he was running for the grocery store unaware on what was going on…

Jordan was crawling through the bushes in commando clothing. She peaks through a bush. She has army paint on and is holding a toy gun, she's also holding a walkie-talkie.

"this is black cat…I'm in range over." She puts the walkie-talkie away. "Ok where are you, you little bastard?"

"Squeak?"

Ray was walking back from the grocery store when…..

SNAP!

"Hey that's no skunk! It's a couple of tom cats!" says an older man. He was walking through a trailer park. Ray stops.

"Let's drown them." The younger boy suggests.

"Ok." The dad agrees. They dropped the skunk trap in the water. The cats were freaking out. Ray began to walk away. The meowing and scratching stopped.

Jordan was stuffing dynamite in a small hole.

"This'll give that furry bastard a lesson about coming to this yard!" Jordan grumbled.

Ray walked down a street to see a cat stuck in a tree. Ray began to climb it. He got close to the cat, unfortunately it didn't trust humans and in it's blunder it fell off of its branch and into on coming traffic. It gets hit by a scooter and then it crashed into the ditch.

"Today is definitely a Monday." Ray thought out loud. He walked into the front door to see Kai, Tyson, Max and Kenny bowing to him.

"did you get food?" max asks. Ray pointed to a shopping cart full of food.

"All hail king Ray!" Tyson yelled.

They were putting food away when…

BOOM! A whole shit load of dirt goes shooting outside the window. It scared them all so much that Ray was hanging off the ceiling. Jordan walked into the kitchen through the back door. The commando outfit was completely trashed. Big chunks were missing and it was just hanging onto her. She was covered in dirt and had a few burn marks. Her hair was almost an afro. A police officer comes in.

"I'm giving you a ticket of indecent exposure!" he sticks two tickets on her then leaves.

"How the hell does that work out? I'm inside the damn house!" Jordan yells after the officer.

"What happened to you! From everything I've confirmed that a bomb went off!" Kenny comments. Ray let go of the ceiling.

"I missed." Jordan said looking out the window. There was a big hole in the backyard. A gopher was looking at them by the hole. The others put two and two together.

"Hey that equals four!" Tyson blurts out of nowhere. Everyone looked at Tyson like he was crazy.

"You destroyed the backyard to kill a gopher?" Kai asked calmly.

"You ought to be ashamed of yourself! Trying to kill that innocent gopher!" Max yells.

"What'd it ever do to you?" Kenny adds.

"Lets see…he destroyed my garden, could be one of my potential stalkers, could be Hitler's aunt's uncle's cousin's niece's, nephew's sister's brother's father's roommate, he chewed my wires, it's killing my tree, he's tried stealing my beyblade, Sadamm husein had a pet like him, he's trying to kill me and he's a demon gopher!" Jordan explains.

"Yeah and I'm full of cheese." Tyson remarks.

"You are Tyson; Jordan does have a point, look." Ray points at the gopher, its eyes are glowing red.

"AHH DEMON GOPHER WHO'S GONNA BURY US ALIVE!" Tyson yells.

Jordan knocks on the ceiling. "Hey sak! Don't you think that's getting old?"

"Sort off…well live with it cause everyone likes Tyson's remarks." I can be heard.

"if it were anybody else but Tyson they'd have lost their voice but since it's not…" Kai says.

"AND IMPALE US WITH CARROTS OF DEATH-" Tyson continues. He gets hit in the head with 5 objects such as a frying pan, golf club, baseball bat and Dizzi. (the last object can be anything of your choice)

"Well I'm getting cleaned up." Jordan says as they all do their separate thing.

Later…

Ray Tyson and Max were watching TV.

"Hey its boondock saints, I've never seen it." Max comments. They watch it for 10 minutes. The watched the part where the cat gets murdered. Ray changes the channel.

"Hey!" Tyson says offended.

"Here, griswald family Christmas is on, shut up and watch it." Ray says. Later on…

"Hey this is the part where the cat gets it!" Max explains. Ray changes the channel.

"Hey what's wrong with you! Whenever we get to the good stuff you change the channel." Tyson says.

"Here's Mr. Deeds." Ray says exasperated. They watch it and when they get to the part where the cats and that lady are in the burning building Ray leaves.

'Now…I know…why Garfield…hates Mondays.' Ray thought as he entered a room.

10 minutes later…

Jordan walked in her room she just got out of the shower. She only had a towel on. She was about to take it off when she saw Ray huddled in a corner.

"AHHHHHH HENTAI!" Jordan screeched.

Max and Tyson lost contact with reality.

"did you hear that?" Tyson asks.

"Yeah I think it's that old bags psycho parrot." Max answers.

"Ray what are you doing in my room!" Jordan asked. Ray didn't respond. He was shaking and he was in the fetal position. "Ray are you ok?" he shakes his head. "Well when I get dressed we'll talk about it if its ok with you."

"Uh huh." Ray answers then leaves her room.

10 minutes later…

Jordan, Max, Tyson, Kenny, Kai and Ray were sitting in the living room. Jordan was holding a bunch of lab coats.

"Hey where'd you get those?" Kenny asks pointing at the lab coats.

"Emily and Judy had some spares so they gave them to me. Could you 4 please put these on?" Jordan answers.

"Why?" Tyson, Max and Kenny ask.

"I don't know but put them on…I'll give you candy!" Jordan tempted them.

"OK!" Tyson, Max and Kenny put them on. Kai is Kai however…

"I'm not putting it on." Kai states.

"Oh really…I was afraid it would come to this…" Jordan pulls something out of her pocket. There was a whole bunch of screaming and the sound of tape being pulled. Kai now had the lab coat duct taped to him.

"What am I to do?" Ray asked.

"Lay on this and me and my assistants will ask you questions k?" Jordan answers. Ray lays on the couch. Jordan grabs a notebook.

"Ok so what is making you so freaked out?" Jordan asked.

"Cats, Monday, death." Ray mumbles.

"Huh? Can you speak clearer?" Max asks.

"Cats dying on Monday!" Ray yells.

"Oh so that was why you changed the channel whenever the cats got it." Tyson realizes.

"So why would this have an effect?" Kenny asks.

"FLUFFY!" Ray bursts out.

"Ray are you ok?" Jordan asks.

"Poor kitty poor poor fluffy…he was my friend and my dad killed him." Ray began to break down.

"Ray is crying…THE APOCALIPSE IS COMING!" Max yells. Kai smacked Ray upside the head.

"Wake up Ray. It happened a long time ago. Get over it." Kai states.

Ray glares at Kai then tackles him to the ground. There is a big dust cloud and fighting noises can be heard. Tyson being Tyson tried breaking up the fight but then he got caught in the cloud.

"Quick! What's the number for 911?" Max yells.

"A great opportunity turns into chaos. So much for me being a therapist." Jordan groans when the cloud passes by.

"Take it back! Don't diss my fluffy!" Ray can be heard. He head butts and kicks Kai.

"No. I'm not taking back anything." Kai retorts. He punches Tyson and kicks and elbows Ray.

"They always find someway to wreck everything don't they?" Kenny points out.

"Yeah and I'm tired of it." Jordan growls in a demonic voice. She walked over to the cloud and pulled everyone out. "Enough I've had it."

"Thanks Kai…I needed that." Ray says.

"Hn." Kai responds.

"Hey what's in the backyard?" Max asks pointing at the kitchen window. They go out to see…

"Gophers fixing gophers…those are bloody freaking robots!" Tyson states the obvious. Kai starts walking toward the fence.

"Kai don't-" Jordan begins…BOOM! Kai goes flying and lands in a tree, he's unconscious.

"Step on that mound of dirt…" Jordan finished. Kai fell out of the tree. The lab coat was wrecked, he was smouldering.

"You buried **_landmines_** in our back yard?" Kenny shrieks in disbelief.

"Nevermind that! Where'd you get them?" Max asks.

"A friend in the army…" Jordan begins.

"That psychotic one? The one who likes violence? Sam?" Ray asks. He was back to normal or what they'd call normal.

"Yeah." Jordan says. Kenny picks up the broken gopher.

"'Property of the rich bag next-door.'" Kenny recites.

"It was her!" Jordan blurts out.

"Should we take Kai inside?" Tyson asks.

"Sure." Max says. They haul Kai inside.

"Boy am I tired." Tyson comments.

"What do you mean! You only held his pinkie!" Kenny exclaims.

"Meh. Nobody understands a lazy man." Tyson says.

"It's 6:00…Damn it! I forgot to get the groceries 2 weeks ago!" Jordan remembers.

"I got them." Ray says.

"Let's watch cops." Max offers.

"Ok." Kai says as he regains consciousness.

OK that ends this chapter! I'm soo sorry that I didn't update sooner! Now for some big news…I'm taking piano…so I might not be able to update as often plus with school and all…but I will! Don't worry! I'll update soon!


	6. Kai's chocolate addiction

Hilarious beyblade stories!

By sakura sama 101

This is Kai's addiction to chocolate! This is the sequel to Kai's sugar high! I got this idea from Silver-feather14! I'm not too sure if this is funny but I really loved writing it I did get a few kicks from it, hell! I even got Sarah to read it and she doesn't watch beyblade and I almost had her bawling from laughter. Baileigh liked it as well.

Oh and a few notes for the future, Kai will be a little bit more ooc but not by much! It's kinda hard to write humour when Kai is always so anti social so if he's ooc for very small portions that makes it easier on me in the long run. Oh and I'm adding Hilary to the fic now, I don't mind her, I think she adds a certain spice to fanfics when used correctly. I will try bashing. I didn't know what that was until a few days ago. Thanks Animegirl329.

Disclaimer; I do not own beyblade! As much as I want to, it belongs to Aoki Takato or whoever owns beyblade.

It was an-"No! don't eat that!" Jordan's voice could be heard. Ok ordinary would be pushing it.

"Why?" Tyson asks scooping dog food into a bowl.

"Cause its Alpo! Dog food! Why the hell do we have dog food? We don't even have a dog and even if we did it wouldn't eat horse meat!" Kenny shrieks. Ray is shaking his head; Kai and Max are nowhere to be found. There was a knock on the door and Ray wanting an excuse to get out of there answered it to see…

"Hi Max…..and Hilary? What brings you here?" Ray asks.

"Yeah nice to see you too Ray." Hilary answers with slight sarcasm. Max and Hilary step inside and Ray shuts the door. Tyson walks in.

"AHH THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EIGHTH GRADE STRIKES AGAIN!" Tyson says.

(AN; well I had fun remembering that it's eighth grade instead of grade eight. In my town it's grade eight anyway.)

Kenny and Jordan walk in.

"Hi hil what you doing here?" Kenny asks.

"Well under strange circumstances I'm supposed to live here for a while to separate me from my abusive parents." Hilary explains.

"Oh so that's why you're screwed up!" Tyson says.

"Shut up." Hillary says. There was an eerie silence.

"I bought harry potter four…where's Kai?" Max breaks it.

"I noticed the welcome wagon was missing its spare." Hilary notices.

"He's been disappearing more often lately…maybe he has a thing for hookers or something." Tyson guessed.

"I'm here." Kai says. They all turn around. On a close inspection he had a brown tinge to his lips and a sweet aroma.

"Let's watch the movie." Kenny suggests. They put it on and are watching the previews.

"I've had a thought, what kind of name for a school is hogwarts? Sounds more like an anti-acne crème brand. 'come on down and get a 5 discount on hogwarts! The anti-acne crème that's the end to all your facial and social problems.'" Tyson says ( I got this line from tatitails410)

Harry, Ron, Hermoine and Cedric's ghost pop up.

"Those are fighting words partner!" Ron says as he tackles Tyson. Cedric tries to punch Tyson but goes through him.

"I hate being a ghost." Baileigh breaks through the living room window.

"CEDRIC!" Baileigh yells. She hugs the ghost.

"Baileigh he's dead, it won't work out between you two-" Jordan begins to say.

"Yes it will!" cedric yells as he scoops Baileigh up and glides through the wall. THUD! Baileigh hits the wall since she can't go through it. "Whoops sorry." They go through the broken front room window.

"This brings us to our first logic minute for all our viewers." Ray says. Everyone stands in front of an easel.

"Friends." Max says whacking a smiley face.

"Friends equal good times." Ray says whacking a car.

"Good times equal the following things." Kenny adds.

"And those are prison, hospital and the asylum, which all of us will probably be in those 3 at least once except Kenny, he'll most likely go bankrupt for the times he'll have to bail us out pay for surgry and all that stuff then dwhen he loses his job he'll go to the looney bin." Jordan comments.

"You really are a downer." Kenny says.

"I try." Jordan answers.

"That's my line!" Kai says offended.

"Lets watch the movie." Hilary says.

They watch the movie when…

"That's it!" Tyson yells. Ron just gave him the finger. He reaches into the T.V grabs ron's head and starts feeding him shots. Kai takes off his scarf and hauls Tyson away from the T.V. Ray shuts it off.

"Well I'm gonna unpack." Hilary says.

"Well I'm gonna help." Jordan says grabbing one of Hilary's suitcases. They carry suitcases upstairs. Kai sneaks out of the room but failed cause he was humming the Mr. impossible theme.

In Hilary/Jordan's room…

"Did you bring it?" Jordan asks.

"Yep." Hilary answers picking up a small briefcase.

"I usually think that this is wrong but this is for a worthy cause." Jordan says grabbing a video camera. They sneak downstairs and look in the living room to see Ray fast asleep on the couch. Jordan zooms in.

"Our bogie is in range over."

"lets move in cadet." Jordan adds. They walk toward him. Hilary opens the suitcase to reveal…

"Holy shit that is a lot of make-up!" Jordan is cringing. "I only have one concealer, one stick of lipstick and lip gloss and one case of eye shadow one eyeliner and mascara." Lets just say that there's 5x the amount mentioned except for lipstick and lipgloss that would be 10x and there was also nail polish. Do I have to continue?

"Yeah well let's get to work." Hilary says opening a lipstick. (I also got this idea from tatitails410)

"Wait! We have to get him in a chair for phase 2!" they tie ray up in a chair, he's still asleep. They attempt to make Ray look like a clown. "Ok finished."

(AN; try to imagine the following.)

He had talcum powder all over his face a very poor lipstick job, blue eyeshadow all over his eye area making it look like he has two black eyes, blush and a whole bunch of squiggles!

"Ok time for phase 2." Hilary says.

10 minutes later…

"How the hell do you undo this?" Hilary yells holding Ray's ponytail. Jordan undoes the simple double knot and unwraps it. POOF! Ray's hair is everywhere. "So what's it gonna be?"

"Afro, bun/ponytail, dreadlocks-" Jordan begins, she zooms in on Ray's makeup.

"I think Ray _won't_ kill us if we do the bun ponytail cross. We're screwed as it is."

30 minutes later…

Ray had a huge bun and it broke of into 5 separate ponytails. It also had a whole shitload of bows and clips.

"Finished! And it's all on tape." Hil and Jordan say. Ray was still asleep but Hilary and Jordan put him on the couch. they were peeking through the corner. The doorbell rings suddenly and Ray jerks awake.

"Better not be her." Ray grumbled. He opens the door.

"Hi! We're from the Jehovah witnesses we're……." the old ladies look at him. "Gonna come back some other time." They leave. Jordan filmed it but ran back when Ray shut the door. Tyson walks by and falls over on the floor laughing.

"Ray are you a transvestite?" Tyson says between laughs.

"What are you talking about?" Ray asks.

"Psst! Driger! I think your owner has cracked!" Dragoon says.

"Like Tyson is any better? Why would you say that?" Driger asks.

"Take a look." Dragoon opens a portal they check out the action.

"You look so queer!" Tyson comments.

"Huh?" Ray looks in the mirror. He notices his clowny appearance and funky hairdo. Jordan and Hilary are pulling back fits of laughter. Uggh!" Ray wipes it off and pulls out all the bows and clips and his hair is back to its messy state.

"Man I missed those days, aww all our fun is over!" Jordan says. Unfortunately Ray heard them.

"You…" Ray growled.

"Me?" Hilary says innocently.

"I'm gonna kill you!" Ray chases them both. They just manage to escape with their lives.

Later on… Tyson and Hilary are fighting. (AN; finally!)

"The sky is blue because the water reflects the light from the sun up!" Hilary says.

(AN; Baileigh told me why the sky is blue, yesterday.)

"I'm still saying that the moon acts like a prism and reflects blue light on earth." Tyson argues back.

"Well then how come the trees aren't blue!"

"Cause of magic! How come its not green skies in tropical areas?"

"The water's still blue there dumbass!"

"Well why isn't it green around forests? Blue is so…original! The sky should be black or red! Not stinkin blue!"

"SHUT UP!" Kenny and Max shout. They've been putting up with this for an hour.

"It's not over yet." Hilary growls.

Jordan was looking for something in the cellar. She takes a thing from the fridge and sees a light from the cellar. Eh looks in to see Kai feeling up the mother of all chocolate bars. Jordan pulls out her camera.

"Don't worry I'll never let Tyson find you, you're all mine! MINE!" kai licks the chocolate. Jordan tried giggling as quietly as she could. "Who's there?"

Jordan steps into the light. "sorry, I won't tell, I'm gonna go upstairs now." She leaves.

Later on…

Everyone was eating supper.

"Potatoes are a starch dammit!" Hilary argues.

"They're a frickin vegetable! Shut up and cram them into your potato hole!" Tyson snaps back.

"Where's Kai?" Ray asks breaking the audience.

"Dunno." Kenny answers.

"I'll check the cellar." Tyson goes down to the stairs. "HOLY SHIT!" everyone could faintly hear the halleluiah song.

"NOOOOO!" Kai could be heard yelling. A whole bunch of fighting noises could be heard.

"What I wouldn't give to have a peaceful meal." Jordan, Max Kenny and Ray say in unison. Tyson comes up with Kai attached to his back choking him with his scarf. Kai jumps off and they prepare their blades.

"Jordan you traitor! Why? Why would you do that to me!" Kai yells.

"I didn't! for once Tyson figured something out!" Jordan answers.

"Yeah!...huh?" Tyson asks he turns to Kai. "Prepare to fight to the death!"

Dragoon turns to Dranzer, "What the hell are those two morons fighting about now?"

"A big ass slab of chocolate it's…(counts on the tips of his feathers) 10 years old if I remember right."

"Oh good frickin grief! At least Max is one of the saner ones." Draciel says.

"I'll say." Midoriko says.

(Midoriko is Jordan's bitbeast, she's an ancient Japanese priestess with millennium powers. she has long black hair and wears battle armour that just covers the shirt of a priestess uniform. And also has four marks on her forehead. I think she also has a sword and a bow and arrow.)

Kai and Tyson launch.

"Get him Dragoon!" Tyson yells. The two blade crach.

"ENOUGH!" A big booming voice says. Dranzer and Dragoon come out.

"Jesus Kai! Why the hell did you keep that fricking old chocolate?" Dranzer asks mad. He looks around, "hey nice house."

"Uh thanks." Max says.

"Where was I…oh yeah, Kai! You were supposed to throw it out when I told you to 5 years ago!" Dranzer scolds.

"I couldn't throw away the chocolaty goodness! It's hard you know!" Kai protests.

"Mm! he's right!" Dragoon has a chocolate moustache the chocolate has a huge chunk missing.

"Oh god why did I come here?" Hilary asks.

"Cause you're stupid a-" Tyson begins.

"Shut up! It's a rhetorical question! You weren't supposed to answer!" Hillary snaps.

"This is one of those days I wonder if I can get a laser printer to stun." Tyson mumbles. Driger came out.

"I smell chocolate!" he says

"How about we split it up, the only one that doesn't get any is Dragoon since he already had his portion" Max suggests.

"FINE! You just hate me cuz I'm black!" dragoon disappears but accidentally hits Hilary. They split it up and then…

"Well, we've caused enough panic, that's our cue to exit." Dranzer and Driger return to their blades.

"Is it always like this?" Hilary asks.

"Pretty much, this was one of the weirder days." Kenny says.

"Boy my stay has got to be interesting." Hilary comments.

That ends this chappie! The next chapter is Jordan's first driving lesson! This is going to be funny cuz my friend Baileigh is helping me by co-writing the chapter! Well g2g! its 10:00 at night!


	7. Jordan's driving lesson

Jordan's first driving lesson.

Hello everyone once again! I did come up with the idea for this chapter on my own but I needed a little more help where creativity was concerned so I got my friend Baileigh (or crunchs girl1254) to co-write it. I think that this might be in the same league as Kai's sugar high. Though that's just a prediction. Now onward!

Disclaimer; I do not own beyblade as much as I would like to, hey do you see the certificate saying I do? And Baileigh does not own Harry potter as much as she worships Ron and Cedric Diggory. She's ploting to kill J.K Rowling as we speak lol! Jk!

Everyone was watching loony tunes in the living room.

"Shh! Be verwy quiet! I'm huntin for rascalwy wabbits!" Elmer fud whispered.

"Eh what's up doc?" bugs bunny asks. POW POW POW! Elmer shot bugs.

"Oh my god that's painful!" POW POW! "AHHH!" Elmer walks over and cracks bug's neck and drags him away.

"Wow (laughs) bugs bunny finally got what he deserved!" Tyson laughs.

Hilary was bawling "That was the most disturbing thing I've ever seen!" the doorbell rings.

"I'll go see if she's here yet." Kenny says as he walks away.

"See if who's here?" Jordan asks. There was an eerie silence. Jordan sensed a guilty air around her friends.

"She's here!" Kenny is heard. He walks into the room followed by a girl around 17 years of age with blood red curly hair and piercing green eyes.

"Who're you and why are you here?" Jordan asked.

"I'm Steffi and I'm here in response to this add." Steffi says holding up a newspaper clipping. (AN; Steffi is baileigh's favourite oc.)

'_**Wanted, experienced driving teacher, must be very calm and ready to face death. There have been around 25 casualties, I don't know I lost count at 15, and the five instructors that came haven't even been inside the car before they landed in the hospital. If successful will be paid $200 must also be able to handle extreme stupidity. Please hurry and contact this number 665-2910 ask for Ray.' **_

"WHAT? I didn't-" Jordan began.

"Yeah you did!" Max interrupts.

FLASHBACK

Jordan let off a smoke bomb. When it cleared she was the only one gone. Ray was almost at the car. Kai was hot on his heels. They were sitting in the car. Jordan in the drivers, Ray in the front passengers and Kai in the back.

"How the hell do you start this damn thing!" Jordan yells frustrated.

"With the damn keys!" Ray yells back. He gives her the keys. She looked around for a few seconds.

"Where the hell do they go?"

"All this yelling is scaring me…" Kai hides in the back. Ray is starting to get really mad. He takes the keys and sticks them into the ignition.

Jordan looks at Ray "Now what?" Ray is silently fuming.

'If god had mercy he'd smite me where I'm sitting.' Ray thought while turning the key. Jordan pushed down a stick by the wheel and pressed the gas. It went zooming backwards into the Mc Donald's window. Ronald Mc Donald's head hits the windshield.

"AHHHH!" they all screamed. Kai sounded like a 5 year old girl.

"I wonder what happens when it's on D?" Jordan switches it and it moves very slowly. "Screw this!" she floors it right through the rabid fangirls crowded around Tyson, Kenny and Max. only like 2 or 3 were not injured. Most got thrown over the hood, she scraped some and ran over a few. Tyson hit the windshield.

"AHHHHHH!" they all screamed again. Kenny Max and Tyson were staring in shock.

Jordan lays on the horn "Get in all ready! I have to pee!"

"I think I don't have to go anymore." Kai mumbles. On the way home.

"It's a red light! STOP!" Tyson yells.

"Some colourful lights can bite me." Jordan answers. 5 minutes later…

"Do you have a license?" Ray asks worried.

"No." Jordan answers shamelessly.

"That explains things-watch out for that semmy!" Tyson yells.

"AHHHH!"

END FLASHBACK

Tyson looks up from his pizza. "Ouh a red head!" Tyson runs up. "Hey have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears?" he pulls out both of his front pants pockets and makes bunny ears. Steffi canned him and Hilary smacked him upside the head.

"Sorry I'm taken." Steffi said stiffly.

"BY WHO!" Tyson yells. Ron weasly walks in.

"Hello…remember me?" Ron says evilly.

"Hey you're that evil red head!" Tyson says.

Hilary being smart broke up a potential fight by asking "I like your hair! How is it so red?"

"My father is a mass murderer who escaped from prison, I soaked my hair in the blood of his victims." Steffi joked but it sounded serious.

'I think I'm gonna like this girl.' Jordan thought. She had a hockey jersey on and had a hockey stick on the ready to smack someone.

"BACK AWAY FROM THE PSYCHO GIRL! BACKAWAY NOW!" Max yells.

Ron pushes Tyson away. "YEAH THAT'S RIGHT! BACK AWAY FROM MY STEFFI!"

"Ok…which one of you am I supposed to teach how to drive?" Steffi asked. Jordan waves her hockey stick in the air. "Good, now lets go outside." They do, there is a van outside. "Ok, I got these tests from my aunts, Patti and Selma. I need you to do them for me."

"Ok." Jordan says. She begins doing them, around half way… "AH it's a brain fart!" she's menacingly waving her hockey stick.

"Huh?" Kai asks.

"Knowledge overload…brain being squeezed! Must rest!" Jordan says.

"Nice try. Finish it off." Steffi says in a cold voice. Jordan pouts as she finishes it.

"What the hell do these have to do with anything?" Jordan asks.

"I was hoping you'd learn some new things and seeing what you do know which is very little." Steffi says as she flips though them. "Haven't you ever watched anyone drive a car?" Jordan shakes her head. "Well I've fought vines, giant spiders and dementors! I'm ready for your crazy driving."

"Well lets do the practical course on the way to the driver's ed course." Ron says. The nine of them get into the van, Jordan in the driver's seat, Steffi in the passenger's seat and Kenny in between them, Ray Kai and Ron in the second row and Tyson, Max and Hilary in the back.

"I'm assuming you know how to start it?" Steffi asks.

"She does." Ray sighs. Kai smirks. Jordan sticks the keys into the ignition and turns them. She then turns the gear shift so it's on R. it starts going backwards. She turns the wheel so she's in the other neighbours yard.

"Shit!" Jordan gets it back on the driveway and gets it on the street. While driving…

"Ok your reverse wasn't too bad. Still needs work- STOP! THERE'S A RED LIGHT AND PEOPLE ARE IN THE STREET!" Steffi yells.

"Nah those are signs, look one says 'Got milk?'" Jordan answers.

"IN THE MIDDLE OF A CROSSWALK! WAKE UP WOMAN!" Kenny yells.

"I guess you got me there…" Jordan brakes suddenly. "Move it or lose it!" she yells out the window. They wait for the light to turn green.

"How much longer?" Hilary asks. Tyson's stomach rumbles.

"yeah I'm hungry." He adds.

"How about Mc Donalds?" Ron asks.

"We got banned from there it's a long story that I'm still trying to forget." Kai says Glaring at the driver's seat.

"How about wendy's? and why am I driving around? Where are we going?" Jordan asks.

"We're supposed to go to my aunt's driving course but we'll go after wendy's." steffi explains. The light turns green and Jordan floors it.

"Jordan see that sign?" Ray asks.

"Yeah." She answers carelessly.

"THAT MEANS GO 110 km/h NOT 1200 km!" Ray yells in her ear.

"Oh…" she puts on the hand brake and presses the foot brake at the same time. The car stops suddenly and Hilary goes flying to the front. Jordan presses the gas trying to keep it in the speed on the signs.

"Jesus Jordan! Are you trying to kill us all!" Hilary shrieks. She's half in the front and half in the back.

"You could say that…" Jordan answers. She turns and is trying to pass this truck but it keeps cutting her off so in retaliation she begins to tail-gate him. She tries passing again and floors it and while passing she honks the horn and fingers the guy. "eat my dust!" she passes him.

At wendys…

"Isn't this the place where that seriously mental lady claimed there was a finger in her chilli but it was all a hoax?" Max asks.

"Not at this exact place but it's the same restaurant chain." Kenny answers.

"Tyson wouldn't care; he'd eat it and never know." Hilary comments.

"But that bitch was lying! She was a lazy person trying to make a few bucks!" Jordan yells causing everyone in the restaurant to look at them.

"Uh I'll go order…Ron wanna come with?" Ray asks.

"sure."

After ordering…

Kai starts choking, Jordan being the only one having experience in first aid began the Heimlich manoeuvre. He coughs up a…

"Nose! It's a nose!" Max informs.

"No it's a clown nose." Ron says.

"Ronald Mc Donald's getting his revenge on you Kai!" Tyson jokes.

"Shut up tyson." Kai retorts.

After eating they're in the car

"Ok this is where my aunties' driving course is." Steffi says giving Jordan a map.

"For god sakes! It's on the other side of town!" Jordan says she starts the car.

"I'm too young and hot to die." Max comments. Everyone looks at him.

"What? I have freedom of speech!" max defends his rights. Jordan begins to drive.

Later on…

"Where do I recognise that truck from somewhere?" Kenny talks to himself. The said truck is right beside them.

"Cause that's the truck Jordan fingered and wouldn't let her pass." Kai said in monotone.

"Maybe he won't notice us." Hilary says. Jordan speeds up. She holds the steering wheel with one knee and holds the map to hr face.

"Oh good I turn left at the next exit." The car is swerving all over the lane.

"SET THE FICKING MAP DOWN, WATCH THE ROAD AND KEEP YOUR HANDS ON THE WHEEL!" Steffi yells.

'Everyone hates a talented person using some creativity.' Jordan thought as she did what she was told.

'One day her imagination's gonna get her killed.' Hilary thought.

"LOOK OUT!" Ray, Kenny and Tyson yell. THUD! Jessica simpson goes flying.

"Well that's one thing taken care of." Jordan pulls out a 'things to do list before I die.' List and crosses off 'hit Jessica S. with my car.'

"NO! why did you take her life! She was soo hot!" Tyson yelled earning himself a smack from Hilary. 5 min later…

"I hate eerie silences." Max says turning on the radio a song comes up _'Fuck wid me I'll bust a cap in your ass-'_ steffi turns it off.

"Live with it."

"Ok we're almost there." Ron says looking at the map. "Turn right…good you remembered to signal this time. Do I have to get out and be with aunt patti and Selma?"

"Yes." Steffi sighed.

"DOE!"

"Man what a shit heap." Tyson comments pointing to a rundown building next to a couple driving courses.

"That's where we're going." Steffi says. Jordan turn into the gate. She has a look of pure horror on her face.

"ohshitiforgothowtobrake!" she says really fast.

"What?" everyone asks.

"Oh shit I forgot how to brake!" she says a little slower. They were in collision course with the building.

"The brake pedal!" Kenny yells.

"Huh?" Jordan asks.

"LET GO OF THE GAS AND PRESS THE BRAKE!" Kenny yells.

"But which one is the goddamn brake! There's three of them!" Jordan asks.

"the one that you don't have your foot on and isn't the small one that says hood!" Kai answered.

"Oh." Jordan starts repeatedly pressing the brake pedal so the van is jerking back and forth.

"Hold the pedal!" Ron gasps exasperatedly. Some idiot walked into the van's path. SMACK!

"That was my brother Percy you maniac!" Ron yells. The van is still going.

(Baileigh; yay! He got hit! SS 101; well you got your wish)

"……………………..oops I wonder who I'll hit next?" Jordan jokes. A black dog walks into the van's path. SMACK!

"That was my father you psycho!" steffi yells. The dog was now a human. Surprisingly an orange cat and a tabby cat were watching all of this and they felt left out so they walked into the van's path. THUD!

"Hey that was Hermione's cat! Good job!" Ron complements.

"RON! OH MY FUCKING GOD! YOU HIT PROFESSOR MCGONAGAL!" Steffi yells.

"Yay no homework!" Ron celebrates.

"RON!" Steffi yelled again. 'why am I with him again?' a hobo is in their path.

"ok this is beyond weird." Ray comments. They stop a few millimetres from the hobo. A cop magically appears.

"That's against the law you're coming with me." He says.

"ah ah ah can't touch me!" Jordan yells as she drives away. "You'll never take me alive!" she drives around back. "Help! He's gonna get me!" they run into the building. They meet aunt patti and Selma, (think of the simpsons.)

they're all in the building watching the news.

"Former mass murderer Sirius Black……has died in a hit and run crash."

"I'm an orphan!" steffi screams.

Remus lupin pops in "I'm a legal guardian!"

Lupin's daughter Maria pops in "I'm a legal guardian's daughter!" Sirius walks in.

"WE'RE SAVED!" Remus and Maria yell.

"Huh? Who the hell are you guys? All I remember is being hit by some lunatic driving my van!" he says oddly slurred.

Steffi runs over. "snap out of it dad!" she slaps him.

"Uh when am I gonna drive?" Jordan asks.

Sirius snaps out of it "You're the lunatic that hit me!"

Jordan nods "yep sorry about that."

"that's ok but there's something I have a bone to pick with him, you (points at Tyson) never flirt with my daughter again or I'll pull out my machete." Sirius black says.

(Baileigh falls over laughing SS 101; Baileigh breathe it's not that funny! Baileigh gasps for air it is! I think I'm gonna die! Audience looks at them weirdly ss 101 notices ss 101; this is an insiders joke, my dad said that if I ever brought a guy home with out telling him he'd be waiting on the deck with his machete waiting for the right moment to strike. And if you knew my dad you'd laugh too he was serious too and the funny thing was is that his radio was on so all his co-workers in the patch heard.)

"yes I won't! please don't murder me mr. mass murderer sir!" Tyson grovels.

"C'mon let's get out of here." Aunt Selma whispers to Jordan. They begin to leave.

"Oh aunt Selma! I hope you've got a carton of cigs on you and Jordan good luck…you're gonna need it!" steffi says.

In the car…

"Ok I need you to drive through those pylons." Selma says.

"Ok." Jordan starts the car, she begins to drive and goes out of her way to hit all the pylons, the others were watching this.

"How many minutes do you think she'll have her license before she loses it? My bet is 8." Dizzi says.

In the car…

"I said drive through the course not run over the pylons." Selma said.

"Whoops I'll re-try that." Jordan apologises. They redo the course which Jordan succeeded. Steffi had handed in the test but Jordan now had to take them over to figure out all the new things she had learned.

"Finally I'm done." Jordan yells waving her hockey stick narrowly missing Tyson. They began marking the tests.

5 min later…

"Congrats you just passed here's your licence." Steffi informs.

"Thanks!" Jordan takes it and Ray pays them. "Bye!" everyone says to eachother.

On the ride home…

"Hey your driving's improved!" Hilary complements.

"Yeah what's up with that?" Max asks.

"I've finally found something worth having and I don't want to lose it anytime soon." Jordan explains. They get home preparing for the next crazy day.

That ends this chappie! Please read and review! Tell us what you think! If you have any ideas please share! I'll probably use them! Well it's 11:30 at night so g2g!


	8. Tyson gets sick

Tyson gets sick.

Hello everyone once again! I got this idea from Calli Maxwel! You know what is very weird? Like two days after you gave me this idea there was a major outbreak in my town and I caught influenza so I really was sick when writing this, I hope this is funny! Well anyway there is a major randomness warning I couldn't think very straight so I might have strayed a bit. Oh shit! American idol is on and I don't want to be in simon fuller's presence! NOOO! Ok I made it.

Disclaimer; I do not own beyblade, and don't take anything that I've said about any famous people that you like into offence.

It was another crazy day in the blade breakers residence. Everyone was eating breakfast. Tyson walks down the stairs.

"Holy shit Tyson, you don't look so good." Jordan comments.

Tyson sniffles sarcastically "Thanks Jordan you always make my day brighter." He coughs.

"Why do you have on one of Kenny's college sweaters? It's warm in here." Max asks.

"I'm cold." He answers.

"Do you want to go to the doctors?" Ray asked.

Tyson has a coughing fit, "Yes." They get into the SUV.

Ray was driving this time, sure Jordan knew how but they didn't want Tyson to throw up. Kai was looking around and found a pepsi in the glove box. He opens it and it explodes!

"EWW! I'm all covered!" Hilary yells. The car is swerving cause Ray is trying to wipe it all out of his eyes, he almost crashed and landed in the ditch.

When they got to the doctor's office unharmed…

The gang is sitting in the waiting area. Tyson had a box of Kleenex. Jordan looks at the lady next to her. She looked…big.

"When's the baby due?" Jordan asks.

"I'm not pregnant." The lady answers.

"Oh I'm sorry!" Jordan apologises then plays with a hole in her jersey. Finally around half an hour later a nurse comes in.

"Tyson Granger?" she asks.

Tyson coughs, "yep." He sneezes. They walk and sit in a cubicle. The doctor comes in...

"Hello guys, let me guess Jordan attacked some person?" he guesses.

"No, hey did they make it alright? No we're here cuz Tyson isn't feeling too good." Ray says.

"Yeah they got out, ok can you tell me all the things you have?" Doctor schwegman asks.

"sure, all the mental illnesses in the book." Kai mumbles under his breath.

"Chills, it hurts to turn my eyes, cough, runny/stuffy nose, headaches, tiredness, I think that's it." Tyson says.

"Well it looks like you've got influenza. Are you due for any shots?" the dr. asks.

"Well I think it would be safe to get another tetanus shot. Kai bit me again." Tyson answers.

"Kai…you didn't go to anger management like I told you to did you?"

"He can't help it, his over active violent Russian genes make him psycho." Max jokes.

"Shut up." Kai says.

"Ray I think you're also due for a de-worming shot." Dr. shwegman informs.

"Ok." Ray says. The doctor comes with two needles.

"Tyson you're first." The doctor freezes the area with a swab.

"Doc is this gonna hurt?" Tyson asks.

"More than a tickle but way less than paying your taxes." He answers. Hilary snorts and Jordan smiles. Everyone else is confused. "Ah fuck it." He jabs the needle into Tyson's arm.

"AHHHHHH!" Tyson yells.

"there." He takes out the needle. "Ray your turn." Ray sits down and the doctor gently puts Ray's needle in, he winces but not for long.

"So do I get any drugs!" Tyson asks hopefully.

"No not really but I would recommend Day/Nigh Quil caplets, Neo Citron and tylenol. Also get plenty of rest and keep him in isolation which means no going to public places or especially beyblade tournaments." Doctor shcwegman says as he writes it down on two separate lists and hands them to Jordan and Hilary.

"NOO!" Tyson yells.

(AN; NO! you fucking asshole! Josh; my turn! Me; in your fucking dreams beats the shit out of Josh)

"Did I add that he has to be on a selected diet?" Doc. S adds.

"NOOOO! NOT MY FOOD! I HATE THIS ILLNESS!" Tyson yells. Kai smacks him upside the head.

"Uh Kai don't make his problems any worse, oh and last time Tyson came we did a special analysis and here's the results." Doc. Pulls out a paper.

_Tyson granger has tested positive and has shown signs of the following;_

_Acathisia-_ _inability to hold still has need to keep moving. _

_Anomia- can't remember names of objects_

_Basiphobia- fear of walking/exercise_

_Narcisim- self love_

_Catoptrophobia- fear of mirrors and or breaking them_

_Coprolalia- a morbid desire to swear, use sacrilegious/obscene words in ordinary conversation, seen in some forms of severe mental disorder (krrk productions lol…I'M JOKING) _

"Whoa." Everyone comments.

"Well we better get home see you later." Hilary says.

"Bye." The doctor says.

At home

"It's not that bad Tyson! You just need to get down from the chandelier and drop my machete." Jordan says. Tyson loses grip with the machete and it almost hits Jordan's toe.

"You just need to eat, sleep all day, shit, waste perfectly good air and get all of us sick." Hilary adds.

"Could you turn up the heat?" Tyson groans.

"You wanna know something? I had influenza, and what I did was stay in my bed for half n hour and sweat it out." Jordan advises. Tyson nods and leaves. Hilary and Jordan go to the living room where everyone else was watching cops.

"We've received a call that 4 teens are disturbing a neighbourhood, they are possibly armed." The cop on TV says. He gets to the place, he and the cop next to him got out of the car. They meet 4 other officers.

"The hooligans should be over there." One says. They sneak over to 2 teens.

"Put your hands up!" a cop yells. They turn around.

"Oh shit! Coppers!" Emily yells.

"Get outta here motha fuckers before I bust a cap in your ass!" Mathilda (you read right) said holding a machine gun.

"Holy shit!" Max says thickly through a mouthful of popcorn. 2 others come running.

"Don't worry guys! The hood's always got your back!" Lee says.

"That can't be…**_TALA!_**" Emily asks.

"No shit." He answers.

"So are they incorporating the triads and krauts to the hood?" Mathilda asks.

"I'M RUSSIAN!" Tala yells.

While this was going on the cops tackled them all, took away their weapons and got them into the cars.

"Ok that was just plain weird." Kenny comments. Even Kai was kinda holding back laughter.

"I can't imagine any of those guys in the hood, maybe Lee but that's it." Hilary says.

"And I thought that Lee was only joking." Ray says.

(AN; I'm sooo sorry if I seem racist! I'm not racist to blacks, or to any race really, I just thought that it would be cool to put that in.)

Later on…

Tyson was downstairs with the others playing pyjamas with cute little teddy bears and duckies and bunnies…do you get the picture? The others were playing strip poker, don't ask me why…that was all I could come up with. Don't worry if you're down to your underpants you're disqualified. (looks at all the disappointed fan girls)

"Now this is just sad. This is what beybladers have to do to amuse themselves." Hilary comments. She only had her socks off.

"Well I got tired of Yahtzee long ago." Ray says. He has his shirt off. (ss 101 looks at girls drooling)

FLASHBACK

Jordan walked into the house with a bag of groceries. She saw Ray asleep on the kitchen table with no sign of the others. She wakes Ray up.

"Ray…Ray? Where are the others?" Jordan asked.

"I don't know…we were playing a really fun game and I looked down and (looks down to see all 5 die are 6s) YAHTZEE!" Ray stands up but hits his head on the shelf above his head. He's knocked unconscious again.

END FLASHBACK

"It was only a dare anyway." Jordan says. She had the zip off legs on her pants off.

"HA! Four of a kind suckas!" Max yells. The doorbell rings.

"I'll get it." Kenny says but Tyson was already there.

"Hello (sneezes) can I help you?" he asks.

"I'm the devil-"

"No you aren't! You're Jesse McCartney." Kenny says.

"what's the difference!" Kai yells.

(AN; sorry to all you McCartney fans. My friend Brittany P is obsessed with him and she tells me everything about him and shows me all the pictures she can find and even e-mails them to me.)

"Anyway……where can I find a Doris Crackhead?" he asks.

"I dunno try nextdoor." Jordan suggests.

"Ok." He leaves. Hilary was drooling, when the door shut she came back into reality.

"What're we gonna do now?" Kai asks.

"How about Uno?" Ray suggests holding a deck of cards.

"I don't know…sounds kinda hard…" Tyson falls asleep. Hilary hides the nigh quil package.

"Awww." Jordan pouts and puts away the duct tape.

"What's with you and duct tape?" Max asks.

"Don't ya know duct tape is the handy man's secret weapon?" Jordan asks.

"But you're not handy or a man, you're close but you don't have the right…things." Kenny says.

"Are you asking for a fight?" Jordan asks.

"Eep!" Kenny says.

"I thought so. So lets play uno! I love that game!"

"What's uno?" Kenny Hilary and Kai ask.

"Oh boy…well the goal of he game is to get rid of all your card first. If you have one card left you say Uno, if you don't and another says it before you, you pick up two more cards. You can get rid of cards if they're the same colour, or the same number as the top card unless it is a change colour or a pick up 4/colour change. There are also reverse, pick up two or four and miss your turn cards." Ray explains.

(AN I hope I covered the basics, I haven't played in a while.)

they begin to play…

"UNO!" Max yells. He had a yellow one left. The colour was blue right now. Ray was sitting next to him and he put a… "Shit an evil reverse! Now what do I do?"

"Pick a card up from the deck." Kenny says. Max does and it's a blue pick up 2.

"Ha! Pick up two Hil." Max says.

A while later….

"So the score is Hilary and me have 4 max has 5 Ray has 6 and Jordan and Kai are tied at 7. time for a sudden death match!" Kenny announces.

Jordan and Kai sit across from eachother. Kenny deals out 7 cards each to Kai and Jordan and flips up a green 2 then Jordan puts down a pick up two.

"Pick up two!" Jordan says.

"Back at you." Kai answers. This goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and ok Kai had to pick up 12 cards. Jordan put down a card but

"Uno." Kai said it before her so she had to pick up two cards but she couldn't get rid of any so she picked up one more. "Pick up 4." Jordan picks up four and she messes her turn. Kai puts down two reverses two miss your turns and a change colour.

"Damn." Jordan still couldn't play. She picked up one more card but it was a blue two so she played it. He played two pick up twos and two miss your turns. Jordan picked up four cards.

"Green 3." She put it down.

"Uno I change it to red." He informs. Jordan puts a red reverse and a 2.

"GO DRANZER!" Kai yells putting down a red 7.

"So Kai is the uno champion." Max informs.

THE END!

Thank goodness I'm done! I'm just soo tired. Well I don't really have any ideas except for either going to the zoo or I write about the gang visiting Jordan's mom in the pre-school. So yep this is sakura sama 101 signing off!


	9. Preschool!

Hilarious beyblade stories,

Chapter 8

Preschool.

Hello to all my patient fans! Sorry for the long delay and here are my excuses, I had a few stomach problems in the first part and I tried writing then, I had a band fieldtrip, I have to practise for a piano recital and have had the evil evil WRITERS BLOCK! Yes those are my excuses and here's the story, Kenny if you'll please!

"Sakura Sama 101 does not own beyblade thank god!" Kenny says.

RING RING- "hello, city morg…yes this is Max what kind of planet are you on?...yeah yeah fuck you too, JORDAN! PHONE!" Max answers the phone. Max wanders around the living room only to turn around to see Jordan right behind him.

"Why are you up so early?" Max asks.

"I dunno. I was seeing how long it would take for you to find me." She answers taking the phone.

The conversation on the phone…

"Hi charity, how's it going?" Jordan asks

"_Fine. I have a favour to ask you, remember the time I found a cockroach in the eggs that I bought from you when you lived on the farm?" charity asked._

"I was afraid this day would come what is it?" Jordan feared for the worst.

"_I need you to take care of the pre-school class for the day." _

"Which class and why?"

"_Wednesday class, and we are going to a conference."_

"Wednesday class ok, but conferences aren't on Wednesday you're going to the casino bar!"

"_Ok you got me but the Wednesday class isn't that bad so can you please help me and take care of it?" charity asked. _

"Fine. Some of my friends are coming." Jordan says.

"_Ok but are they like normal? Last time you brought them those poor kids were never the same again." _

"That was only Sango and my brother and his friend Miroku and my cousin Inuyasha! These are different people. Don't worry those kids aren't going to get screwed up that bad. Bye"

"_Bye." _Charity hangs up

Jordan looks frantically around, "Oh god what time is it!"

"6:30." Kai answered.

"Good now I just have to wake up the others and get to the school in two hours to baby sit a bunch of nosepicking hoodlums." Jordan groans sarcastically. Ray walks down the stairs followed by Hilary.

"Huh? What's going on?" Ray asks.

"We have to sub for a friend of mine's preschool class." Jordan explains.

"Joy. I wonder how we're gonna get Tyson up and into the school." Hilary wonders.

"Ray do you have any of those peppers?" Kai asks.

"Yeah…why?" Ray answered having a random flashback.

"Come with me if you want to live…" Kai says mysteriously. He leads them up the stairs to Tyson's room. He takes the pepper from Ray, puts it in Tyson's mouth and Tyson eats it.

"AHHH! WHERE'S THE GODDAMN WATER!" Tyson yelled running around he finally runs to the bathroom and drinks from the toilet when there was a water cooler in his room. Everyone was really disgusted with that.

(AN; EWWW YOU GUYS ARE SOO MEAN! GIVE ME THAT GODDAMN HAMSTER! (Jordan is cradling the hamster) they farted on the poor hamster and now it smells.)

"Morning guys." Tyson says. "You guys are officially insane why the hell are we up at 6:40!"

"Now for Kenneth!" Jordan says. Jordan runs over to Kenny's room. She yells "KENNY TYSON STOLE DIZZI!" Kenny jerks awake. He looks to see Dizzi beside him and the others in the doorway.

"I know, hurry up and get dressed, we're going to school!" Ray says.

"YAY!" Kenny says.

"NO!" Tyson yells.

"Oh no. Tyson we're not going to our school, we're going to pre-school and we're the teachers and we screw up the kids." Hilary informs.

"Really?" Tyson asks. Hilary nods.

'I hope those kids don't get messed up by all this.' Hilary thought. They all get ready and get in the car.

On the way to the preschool…

"Holy shit! I so can't wait to see the school! Is it as bad as Tyson claims? Is there dirt for floor? Do people clean it for a living? Is it dull? Do the teachers have any experience?" Ray is quite talkative. They park outside. "oh…it's beautiful!" Ray is in awe.

"Uh…Ray…that's Tim Horton's." Max informs.

"Oh…" Ray says disappointed. They grab breakfast and continue. They get there….

"Is this the school?" Ray asks pointing at the supply shed.

"No. this is the school." Jordan points at the big 3 story building.

"It's pretty cool!" Ray says. Tyson can't believe what' he's hearing.

"What's wrong with you! Haven't you ever been to hell or school!" Tyson shrieks. Hilary grabs him by the collar.

"Enough, you're not poisoning Ray's mind about school! Let him figure it out on his own." Hilary growled.

The walk into the school

"Wow this is big! How do the kids not get lost!" Ray's voice is echoing. They enter the room. It's pretty big. There is a desk by the door, a corner with books, a house center, a big ass castle, a sand center, paint center and one computer. There were also capital and lowercase Js hanging from the ceiling.

"Well it's 8:00, kids should e coming soon, we also have 6 bus kids." Jordan informs.

"So….?" Kai asks.

"So…I need volunteers that are willing to freeze their asses off for half-n-hour to get those 6 kids." Jordan informs pointing at the blizzard outside.

"I'll do it." Hilary volunteers.

"Ok, I think one more person will work." Jordan states. There was a long pause, "Oh shit! A bus is here! Max go with Hilary and take these!" (hands them red vests with teddy bears) the kids with automatically come to you!" Jordan pushes them out then two ladies come in.

"Hello Jordan!" they say. There is a blonde with one kid and a brunette who's holding a very small toddler.

"Hi Daye! Dawn! Madigan and garret!" Jordan answers.

"What're you doing here?" Dawn (Brunette) asks.

"We're subbing." Jordan answers.

"Madigan why don't you find your snowflake?" Daye asks. A little girl with blonde hair walks over and on the way she gives Jordan a hug.

"Hi silver fox." Jordan whispered as she hugged her back.

"Hi black cat." Madigan says in the cutest voice ever. She goes to find the snowflake with her name on it.

"So who are your friends, I've seen them from somewhere…" Dawn asks.

"Oh right you wouldn't have been able to see some of the world beyblade tournament since you were in labour, these are my teammates Ray, Tyson, Kai and Kenny. Hilary and Max are getting the bus kids. Guys these are my cousins Dawn and Daye and my 2nd cousins Madigan who'll be with us today and Garret." Jordan introduces everyone.

"Hi." Everyone says except for Kai. He just nods.

Daye looks at her watch "Well I've gotta fly! See yall later!" they leave.

Madigan pokes Tyson in the thigh, "Did I get the right one mister?" she's holding one that says 'Nicholai'

"Nope keep looking." Tyson answers.

10 minutes later…

Hilary and Max come in with 6 kids, 3 boys and 3 girls. There were now 12 kids on the mat including the bus kids.

10 minutes later…

Kenny was looking at a list. "Ok the ones that aren't here are "Kate, Ashley, Rachel, and Pete."

Madigan pulls on Ray's hair, "This is the colour I sit on right?"

"Uh…" Ray looks at the chart for 5 minutes before saying "I think so."

"So what do you guys do till lunch?" Hilary asks.

"What kind of substitute teachers are you? You don't even know our time table when it's right in front of-" a boy Alexi answers. The boy next to him covers the boy's mouth.

"Please forgive my brother, we've tried everything and it hasn't helped. We have a story then we play at centers-ow you bastard!" Nicholai started to attack his brother Alexi.

"Ok break it up!" Kenny breaks up the fight between the Russian siblings.

"He bit me!" Nicholai yelled holding up his hand.

"Don't touch my lips then! Only the ladies have that privilege." Alexi winks at a group of girls.

"Wow not even 10 minutes in." A girl named Keiko whispered to her friends.

Jordan sighed then looked at the clock, "today is going to be a long day." She mumbled.

Hilary meanwhile was looking at the stories. "Now on to the story…WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!" Hilary yells looking at the bookshelf and pulling out a bernstain bears book.

"That's my favourite book!" a girl named sophie yelled back.

"Hwy I have a story that will be perfect for this occasion." Max says as he runs and sits in the chair.

"What story is it?" Ray asked.

"It goes like this…"

**There once was 3 bears that lived near a small town. They just woke up and they probably weren't morning people. They were at the table eating breakfast. **

"**MY PORRIDGE IS TOO HOT!" Mother bear roared angrily.**

"**Brr…eww! Mine is too cold." Father bear added. **

"**I don't wanna have porridge! I wana eat some goddamn people!" Baby bear yelled.**

"**Well too fucking bad! We're going to the grocery store." Mama bear informed then they walked out the door. 10 minutes later goldilocks stumbled over holding a vodka bottle and vomited all over the doorstep. She then said in a slurred voice;**

"**Jill! Open the fucking door! You better not be banging Jack and smoking Marijuana without me!" **

**She tried to open the door but couldn't so she kicked the door open. She walked in to see the porridge and acid does make you hungry I think (I don't do drugs so I don't know.)**

"**Well it doesn't take freaky dicky rocket science to figure this out!" Goldilocks said dumping Mama's porridge to Daddy's then eating it in one gulp. She then started to look for a place to sleep. She jumped on papa's bed only to find herself back on the floor. **

"**Even the fucking floor is comfier than that piece of shit." Goldilocks walked over to mama's spare bed and jumped on that and managed to get stuck for an hour cuz the bed was soo soft. She hen went to the baby bear's room and collapsed before she even made it to the bed. The 3 bears come to their porch. **

"**Don't tell me it's who I think it is." Papa bear growled looking at the vomit. They walked into the house and looked at the porridge. **

"**Hey someone broke in and ate our porridge and masturbated on our beds!" Mama bear yells. They walk over to baby bear.**

"**And the bastard's still here! Lunch time!" Baby bear yelled pointing at goldilocks's body. She woke up and pulled out a semi-automatic with a scope and a hair trigger. There was a whole bunch of shooting and growling and it all ended up that goldi had her legs bitten off; papa B broke both of his arms. Baby was in a body cast and mama had a neck brace. **

"The end!" Max finishes.

"That's not how it goes!" a girl named Mei-lyn said.

"How about we all do centres for the last hour and a half…" Kai says kinda creeped out and taking some Tylenol.

So everyone played centres. WITH TYSON….

"Hey aren't you world champion of that game? That bey thingy game?" a girl named Erin asked.

"Yes! That's Tyson and it's called beyblade you yutz!" a boy named scot yelled.

"Now now kids…huh?" a cute young boy was trying to get Tyson's attention. He started to rapidly move his hands, signing. "Huh? I don't understand." Tyson shrugged. Jordan walked over. The little boy turned to her and tried signing the same thing. "What does he want?"

"He has to go pee. I'll teach you a quick lesson in sign language." Jordan held up two fingers and put the tip of her thumb on the inside of her middle finger then tapped her nose twice. "That means pee." (well actually it means urinate.) "Could you take our friend maison to the washroom?"

"Fine." Tyson sighed. They walked in the hallway. "Can you speak?" Maison shook his head. "Can you understand what I'm saying?" Maison nods.

They made it to the mens room and began to take care of business. Tyson had to squat because the urinals were too small. Tyson looked over to maison and saw something.

'Whoa.' Tyson thought. Maison gave Tyson an evil smile. They walked out of the bathroom and came back to class.

A small kid with bifocals was sitting on a table playing with a toy laptop. Kenny walked over.

"Hi I'm Kenny who are you?"

"I'm Einstein." The kid answers.

"That's your name?"

"Yep."

"Whatcha doing?"

"Trying to be like you, you're my hero!" Einstein answers.

"Sweet!" Kenny says. They hang out and talk about computers and all that technology.

The two Russian siblings, Alexi and Nicholai were being very bad in the house center but it was temporarily changed to a doctor's office. They were pretending to give a doll a sex change which offended the kids playing there so a tattitailer named Amber (my cousin, she kinda has only child syndrome which I like to call ocs. You don't have to be an only child to get it.) went to tell….

"Mister…the two boys are being…naughty!" she says tugging on…Kai's shirt and pointing at the two boys pulling fluff out of the doll. Kai walked over more out of interest than to yell at them.

"Scalpel." Alexi says. Nicholai gives him the scalpel.

"I've checked the supplies, there's nothing!" Nicholai reports.

"Ok so we'll just cut yours off then." Alexi informs.

"Fuck that….oh shit." Nicholai says looking at Kai watching them.

"Here." Kai says throwing them a rubber dildo.

"This isn't yours is it?" Alexi asks.

"No…I got it from her." Kai points at Hilary. A kid walks up to her and is gonna say something but says instead….

"EWW! You smell like smoking (sniffs) and drinking!" the kid says.

"Wash it off! Wash it off! Cooties!" Nicholai and Alexi start screaming and throwing it back and forth to eachother. They run to the sink and wash it off.

"Ok…why are you doing this ridiculous stunt anyway?" Kai asks kind of creeped out.

"Cause I'm practising to be a gynaecologist." Alexi states (a doctor that checks women's reproductive organs and breasts for diseases and malfunctions. Alexi is a sick little kid.)

"And I've always wanted to be a surgeon." Nicholai answers. They get back to work on the doll.

WITH HILARY

"It's not alcohol! It's a perfume Ray gave me! It's not my fault it smells like tequila! And since I live with a bunch of retards that always set stuff on fire it's no doubt that my clothes smell like smoke." Hilary yelled.

"Ok whatever lady." The kid says. He waddles over to Jordan who's reading a schedule. "Hey lady when's lunch?" he asks rather rudely.

"Soon." Jordan answers without looking up at him.

"How soon?" the kid persists.

"Not soon enough." Jordan answers.

"I asked you a question and I want an exact time in hours minutes AND seconds."

Jordan looks up to stare at the fat boy, "And I gave you an answer, I don't like rude little boys and for you chubulub I could give you lunch in 5 seconds. The special is either knuckle sandwich or fruit punch." The boy waddles away.

"That wasn't very nice." Hilary scolds.

"I know but the beached whale was being rude so I told him off he should never talk like that to an elder!" Jordan explains. She then grabs a bell and begins to ring it. "LUNCHTIME!"

the kids go grab their lunches and the seven teens sigh.

"Only three more hours to go." Ray sighed.

While eating lunch…

"EWW Pierre! Why'd you bring escargot?" Erin asked.

"Cuz I can and will." Pierre answered.

"What do you guys do after lunch?" Max asks.

"Well we have another story but after the first one I fear the next one." Sakura answered.

"And we have music class this afternoon." Scot informs.

"Teacher meeting!" Max yelled as he hauled everyone outside the room. "We're screwed! So screwed! None of us know how to play instruments! We're gonna get attacked by sugar crazy kids! They are gonna glue us to the wall and kill us with their high pitched voices!" Max is hyperventilating.

Jordan smacked Max upside the head, "Calm down Max! EVERYONE CALM DOWN! I know how to play a few instruments. Anyone else know how to play any?"

"Does playing the recorder very badly count?" Tyson asked.

"Um….no and if anyone could play the recorder they'd have to play for like 10 years. Anyone else?" Jordan asked (I can seriously play the recorder fairly well!) "Anyone! Fine, I'll be the side show again."

"You're always the side show." Kenny states. Jordan shoots up her middle finger. They walk back into the room to find the kids having a food fight.

"ENOUGH!" Ray and Kai bellowed.

"Now each and everyone of you is going to clean this place up!" Kai instructed. With lots of moaning and complaining the job was finally done.

"Well lunch is now over so off we go to the music room." Jordan says.

AT THE MUSIC ROOM…

All the kids and everyone but Jordan were sitting on risers. Jordan came out holding a flute and stood near the piano.

"Ok…I might suck like shit since I haven't played in a while." Jordan warned. She than began to play her flute.

"You suck!" a kid yelled. Jordan walked over while still playing and kicked him in the shins.

Songs she played on the flute where; Pirates of the Caribbean, the march of the Irish guard, curse of king tut, and Serengeti. (these would probably be intermediate songs)

Songs she played on the piano were; heart and soul, can-can, snake charmer and grandfather's clock. (these would be probably novice songs.)

Finally it was hometime and they had to get everyone ready.

WITH RAY…

"Hey you! Fag boy! Queer bait! I found your lunch!" Ray yelled holding out a lunch kit to a pink haired boy. He took it.

Ray looks around "Hey! Muff diver! You forgot your jacket!" Ray gives a girl who looks like a boy her jacket.

"Ray! Quit calling names goddamn it!" Hilary yelled.

"Whatcha gonna do about it?" Ray pushes Hilary.

"Hey! You can't hit a girl!"

"Sometimes I wonder."

WITH MAX….

Soon there were only a few kids left. Max was the one supervising since the others were taking out bus kids. Max treated them to some pixie sticks and pepsi, (one of my favourite ways to get a sugar rush!) so now they were all sugar crazy and tearing across the room.

"This is the greatest thing ever!" a kid was talking to a wall.

"I can fly! Fear me!" a boy jumped off a bookshelf and landed flat on his face. Max was trying to invent a new way of getting a rush so he was trying to snort it. A parent just happened to walk in at that exact moment and in her point of view looked like Max was snorting cocaine so…

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY KID?" The parent shrieked.

"Calm down! Remain calm! I didn't drug them!" Max defends.

Kai walks in, "What's going on…"

"That boy is doing drugs and he drugged up my son!" the parent answered.

"Lets see…" Kai walked up and tasted the powder and noticed the pepsis. "Don't worry it's not drugs, it's pixie sticks and pepsi. Your kid is hyper, try hooking him up to the back of your car and make him run unless he wants to be dragged home, he should be back to normal by the time you get home."

"Oh god." Max sighed. The parent and the kid leave. Finally everyone got picked up and the bladebreakers were back home!

THE END!

Yay I'm finally done! Wow what a waste of a perfectly good bus day lol nah I'm kidding I wouldn't be doing anything else I swear except for playing legend of Zelda the ocarina of time for N64! That game kicks ass! If you're stumped on the game ask me about it! I can probably help you! Well g2g and hopefully I can update the next chapter sooner!


	10. a small story that i handed in

A story I handed in.

Chapter ten of hilarious beyblade stories.

I'm just thinking, I'll set a certain amount of reviews I have to get before I will update on this it's not very big and it will be easy for all of you to do, but is it ok for you guys if I can get no less than 5 reviews before I can update? Oh well. It just inspires me to write more funnier chapters. I also thank all of you who have reviewed! You all continue to give me awesome ideas and words of encouragement and I can't thank you enough for it! Oh and Callie Maxwell, your idea is next chapter, which I'm trying to have up at least next week cuz I have to go to a recital and my friend Lainey is coming down tomorrow so I want to visit her! Well I'm gonna apologize right now, I'm sorry for the very short chapter coming up I'm sorry if it's not really funny but I wrote a one page story about beyblade that I handed in and I wanted to share with all of you wonderful people! So yeah. It goes like this.

I guess you could call it graceful in a sense, to me it would be floundering, swimming along in the deep he sees all the other sea life doing their own little thing, 2 fishes swimming around chasing eachother, a pair of kissing fish and two sword fish duelling. Suddenly a large silhouette can be seen in the distance; it swims ever closer. Suddenly the Jaws theme comes on, in a nutshell it's a shark for all those mental peoples, it attacks our friend biting him everywhere.

"Get out of my way you blubbery whale!" the shark slaps him upside the head with his fin. There was a huge splash and with a gasp Tyson shoots up from the deep end of a pool only to get pushed back down under by his attacker who is……

"Kai! Stop that! He's turning blue!" Hilary says.

"It's just the water." Kai responds. Daichi tackles Kai. Tyson shoots up again inhaling precious air. If you're still wondering and you haven't figured it out, the gang is at a pool. Kenny and Max were busy playing tag in which Max accidentally pulled Kenny's speedo off (EWWW lol) and Ray and Jordan were just watching the commotion and playing ball with the little kids.

THE END!

Sorry you guys! Well anyway if you guys got some ideas you can tell me but you'll kinda have to wait for 2 weeks, I'm writing 2 chapters right now, one about well I can't tell and the other that I got inspired to write down today during home ec! Well that should give you some clues! Well g2g! sakura sama 101 signing off!

Sakura Sama 101


	11. to the amusement park we go!

Hilarious beyblade stories chapter 11

Yay! I got reviews! Ok I'm not totally one hundred percent sure if this chapter is funny or not since I haven't tested it with my beta Baileigh cuz I keep forgetting my book. I have a strange process of writing, I write it in a small book, a journal then type it up and proof read as I type. And for some sad news. I filled one book already and now I'm on a new one (sniffs) so sad, but now I write in a dolphin themed book and it's soo cool! And I feel better now, oh and this chapter is kinda based off of me and my Cousin Sarah's amusement park experiences, so naturally I'm putting her in. she's my favourite cousin from my mom's side. She's 11 I think and well she's kinda like my protégé/apprentice. Ahh the good times. well on with the fic!

Disclaimer; I don't own beyblade, I only own my room and my technology and comics, thank god for technology!

The blade breakers were sitting around until there was a small knock on the door. Tyson went to the door and opened it.

"Guys! Someone left their kid on our step again! I don't know why they do but they must be mental." Tyson yells looking at the 11 year old girl who has white blonde hair and icy blue eyes staring back at him.

"Fine I'll make some posters." Jordan walked over. "Oh hi Sarah what are you doing here?" Jordan asks.

"Huh? You know her?" Tyson asks.

"Know her? I'm her fucking cousin." Sarah answers. The others came over.

(I swear that my cousin never swears, I've never heard her swear in my life even when she's hurt or mad, she knows I do but her parents are a little more strict than mine, especially that time I crashed my bike off the bridge and experienced what it was like to go through a wind shield, I almost sprained my ankle.)

"Come in! we're just getting ready for lunch!" Hilary informs.

"Sweet!" Sarah walks over to the kitchen. The others are staring at Sarah and Jordan.

"How are you related? You look nothing alike." Ray comments.

Jordan and Sarah smirk. "Well Sarah takes more after our grandfather and I take after our grandmother." Jordan explains.

"Most of the cousins on our mom's side since Jordan's mom and my mom are sisters are blonde with blue eyes. But Jordan had to be weird and have black hair and gold eyes." Sarah adds.

(AN; me and my siblings have brown hair and brown eyes…well I have black hair like my dad plus my eyes kind of change, and Joel has green eyes like my dad. Josh looks the most like mom. So Joel and I are really weird.)

"But you still look nothing alike." Kenny says.

"ARRGGGHHH!" Sarah yells.

"Lunch is ready!" Hilary informs carrying some soup.

At lunch….

"So why are you here?" Kai asks.

"Well maybe because my parents were drunk and got it on and I was the ending accident/result." Tyson answers.

"NOT YOU! I MEANT HER!" Kai points at Sarah.

"My mom dropped me off." Sarah answered.

"And she expected us to take care of you?" Ray asks.

"Well my mom and Jordan arranged that she take care of me for today." Sarah answered.

"And how come you didn't tell us this?" Max asks Jordan.

"Uhhh…it slipped my mind." Jordan explained.

(AN; wait a sec. (holds a big fuzzy hamster up to the screen) Skeeter says Hi!)

"So what are we gonna do while your over?" Hilary asks.

"Stampede!" Sarah shouts.

(AN; unfortunately I don't live near any permanent amusement parks. But high prairie hosts the high prairie stampede, they put up kick ass rides for 2 days so that's where this is taking place.)

"Oh yeah that's today aint it?" Kenny asks. Everyone looks at Kenny. There's a long silence.

"Well I've got a date with a couple of carnies." Tyson walks out and 5 minutes later he walks in, "well what are you guys waiting for?"

they get in the car.

"I drive!" Jordan's sitting in the driver's seat and everyone gets in with safety equipment on. Jordan just shakes her head. Now they're off to the amusement park.

While getting there…

"is that a cop! Ray asks pointing at the cop car in the opposite lane.

"Huh? There's a cat! Go go!" Tyson yells.

"I'M NOT RUNNING OVER A FUCKING CAT!" Jordan yells as she swerves around it. The SUV dramatically goes into the dish, rolls and lands on all four tires. Everyone walks out and checks for damage. Jullian walks out, glass of alcohol in hand and didn't even spill a drop.

"Hey this isn't fucking trailer park boys!" He says.

"Nope." Kenny and hillary answer.

"Aw crap I gotta go save out dope! And get your lips off that!" Jullian yells and takes his drink back from Jordan. He leaves.

"I think I have a new addiction to Ryan coke." Jordan smacks her lips.

"Oh boy." Everyone says in unison.

They get back in the car and made it to the temporary amusement park.

"Hey this is kinda small." Tyson comments.

"What do you expect? The west Edmonton mall?" Kai asks.

"Yes."

"Why do I bother?"

"well-"

"Nevermind." Kai says. They walk over to the rides.

"SUGAR!" Max and Sarah yell pointing at the snack stand. They bought some cotton candy.

"Do you think this is the wisest idea?" Ray asks pointing at Kenny, Sarah, Max. they were shaking and laughing maniacally.

"I've got just the cure." Jordan points at the washer. They walk over.

"I nominate taking gravol." Tyson and Ray say looking at the ride.

Kai and Jordan were buying all day ride passes. After, they got out Gravol.

"Screw that bitter shit." Jordan says. Kai nodds. Tyson, Ray and Hilary take some.

"Oh I think I know why you want them to go on the ride…you're gonna make them too sick to be hyper." Kai says. Jordan nods. They climb on and stand against the pads on the wall. The dude turns the ride on. the walls began to move so fast that they stuck to the wall, as they spun the was went up and down. When the ride was over….

Tyson, Hilary and Ray were kind of pale and had enough. The hyper ones were ultimately unaffected. Jordan and Kai decided they would go again until the kids got sick. When everyone was back to normal officials were trying to keep Jordan and Kai away from the ride while Kai and Jordan were fighting to get out of their grip.

"We went on the ride 9 times! lets go somewhere else!" Kenny yells.

"But we haven't finished out contest! The-" Jordan begins.

"How many times you can go on the washer before you throw up contest? Well you and kai have been on the ride for a long time! Lets move on!" Sarah yelled.

"How do you know this?" Hilary asks.

"Me and her have done the contest for 5 years, our record was 20 times. that was when officials stepped in." Sarah answers.

They searched for a ride…

"Hey look the drop of doom." Ray informs.

"Aww but I wanted the carrot rided!" Tyson points at the wussiest ride in the world.

"And I wanted the Dizzy Dragons!" Max adds.

"Yay! A ride named after me!" Dizzi pipes up.

"It's a wussy ride." Kenny says.

So Tyson and Max split up from the others and the other 5 go to the drop of doom. They get on and the ride begins.

"AAAHHH!" Kenny and Kai scream for their lives.

"I know I should have gone before we left!" Kenny peed his pants.

Sarah looked around curiously at the view and saw Tyson being whacked by a carnie. The ride was over and Kenny changed his pants and everyone was now together.

"The Himilaya?" Hillary asks.

"Why does this remind me of something?" Max asks.

FLASHBACK

The blade breakers were imprisoned on the island with the mad scientists. The building was going to detonate in 3 minutes. Jordan was repeatedly shoulder checking a door when the floor opened up and she fell.

"Are you ok?" Hilary asks.

"That's gotta hurt!" Max comments.

Jordan was rubbing her bum. "Yeah what was your first clue?" Jordan gasps "Holy shit! Someone pinch me cause I must be dreaming! Hey guys I think I found an old mine cart down here!" all the guys jump down but Hilary takes the ladder.

"Check it out!" Tyson says.

"Hey guys wait up!" Hilary yells.

"Let's move out, now!" Ray orders.

"Right!" everyone else says. Everyone is in the cart except for Tyson and Kai.

"I don't know, this doesn't feel safe." Hil says.

"Hey guys are you sure about this?" max asks.

"What's the fun with out a bit of risk?" Jordan asks.

"But still shouldn't we check for brakes?" Kenny asks. Tyson and Kai push the cart, once the cart has enough speed…

"Alright! Jump!" Kai yells. He makes it in the cart but Tyson misses, he gets up and runs after them.

"Hey wait for me!" Tyson lunges and manages to grab the cart so now he's being dragged.

"C'mon Tyson!" Jordan yells.

"You're slowing us down!" Max informs. Tyson falls into the cart head first.

"One…zero…that's it!" Kenny panics. There's an explosion and flames fill the tunnel. The air from the explosion makes the cart go faster. Tyson's legs waving in the wind.

"AAHHH!" everyone yells except…..

"WHEEEE…….YEAH!" Jordan yells. They all have near death experiences and don't get engulfed in flames.

Now everyone's screaming.

"Anyone know how to stop this tub?" Max yells.

"Any suggestions?" Tyson asks.

"This reminds me of donkey kong! Where they ride the mine carts! I wonder if we have to jump over cliffs or fight crocs with swords or we jump the cliff but the cart don't make it and we land in another cart or we die or-" Jordan randomly says.

"SHUT UP!" Everyone yells.

"Hey is it just me or is this tin can picking up speed?" Hillary asks.

"I concur! We're definitely accelerating!" Kenny answers. They go down a huge hill.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" everyone screams.

"BRING IT ON!" Jordan yells.

"Somebody do something and quick!" Tyson yelled. Jordan started pulling on a lever but it was jammed.

"The damn thing won't budge!" Jordan yelled as she continued to pull.

"C'mon Jordan we can't give up now!" Ray said pulling on the same lever.

"Oh no! we're screwed!" Max yells pointing at the track, it elad to a pile of rubble but there was a lever to change tracks.

"The track's blocked we're done for! Jordan you goddamn jinxed us!" Hilary yelled.

Kai did some quick thinking "Let it rip!" he launched his blade and hit the lever and they avoided the rocks.

"WHOA-AAAHHH!"

"We made it!" Tyson yelled.

"Thanks to Kai!" Ray added.

"Look up ahead I see light!" Jordan yelled pointing.

"Finally!" Hilary, Max and Kenny said.

"Wait, doesn't the track end there?" Kenny asked.

"You're kidding!" Tyson and Max yelled. Jordan and Ray managed to unjam the brake so they began to slow down. They stopped right on the edge.

"That was totally freaky!" Tyson comments.

"NO! THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME!" Jordan yelled.

END FLASHBACK.

"Yep that's just like my cousin, can't be serious when she's facing death in the face." Sarah says.

"Come on! lets get this show on the road!" Jordan yelled from the end of the line.

In the line…

I'm sorry kid but you're too short to go on this ride." The dude says.

"I'm not short I'm vertically challenged!" Kenny yells. "Fine have it your way."

So everyone else goes on the ride, it's a roller coaster that goes forward really fast then backward really fast. They went on some other rides such as the octopus, yo-yo and the twister and for some reason Tyson, Kenny Max and Sarah talked the others to go on the orient express with them. Then Hilary had to force Jordan and Tyson to go into the house of mirrors (remember Tyson is afraid of mirrors.) the others were already inside.

Tyson is laughing at a short and fat reflection of Kai meanwhile he was laughing at a tall and skinny reflection of Tyson. Kenny was walking along when he saw a girl looking at a mirror but the strange thing was that her reflection was normal. Kenny tapped her shoulder and she turned around and she was hideously deformed.

When they left…

Jordan and Sarah had the famous Brown family look plastered all over their faces. It's a cross between an evil grin, heavenly daze and a mischievous twinkle. The others are scared and confused.

"I'm scared." Max points at tyson's cotton candy covered face.

"What are you looking at?" Ray and Kai ask.

All sarah and Jordan could do was point. They pointed at the skymaster ride otherwise known as the salt and pepper shaker.

"Lets get on that ride!" Sarah says.

"No thanks." The others say.

"What are you? Chicken?" Jordan asks.

Everyone magically turned into chickens.

"Cluck cluck cluck cockidoodledoo!" Sarah looked horrified.

"Ignore them let's go." Jordan says. They go and get on the ride.

"I can't watch!" Kenny and Hilary cover their eyes.

The ride moves and everyone watches as the arms move back and forth then they move all the way around with everyone screaming all the way. Jordan and Sarah got off a little wobble and Jordan was tackle hugged by Ray and Sarah was by max.

"You're alive!" both boys shout.

"What time is it?" Kai asks.

"5:00." Kenny answers.

"Ok sarah time to go!" a voice says.

"Ok mom! Bye guys nice meeting you!" Sarah says.

"Bye!" sarah leaves and the blade breakers go home.

Yay I'm done! I'm going to bed. I need five reviews to update! Bye everyone till then!

Sakura Sama 101


	12. cooking with the blade breakers2

Hilarious beyblade stories

Cooking with the bladebreakers +2

Hello again! I'm sad to say I only got 3 reviews which I thank those who did, WHY! WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME! (sighs) well anyway, a lot has happened and I'm not feeling great, not sick but not great, might just be depression or stress since I have one hell of a lifestyle, I have to practise piano and I barely have any time to write cause the choir is supposed to sing next Thursday so Mrs. Berry is making us sing at lunch so I'm sorta starving as well, but I shouldn't complain so on with the fic!

This chapter is inspired by an incident in home ec. Where me and Baileigh were working in the same kitchen and she went psycho on me with an eggbeater. I had to run away with the egg or what was left of it while hans and brett had to keep her busy. Now I know never to let her be near and eggbeater, especially electronic ones.

Disclaimer; I don't own beyblade, right now only my delicious popcorn.

Mr. Dickenson walked up to the blade breaker's door rather slowly enjoying the silence. He got there finally and knocked.

"NOOOO! We don't want that goddamn parrot!" Ray was heard yelling.

"YES I DO! IT SWEARS! IT'S MY DREAM COME TRUE!" Jordan is heard yelling. Ray and Jordan had a long fight until Kenny opened the door to see Mr. D asleep on the porch.

"Uh…Mr. Dickinson….wake up…..time to rise and shine!" Kenny coes. No response. Kenny tries to carry Mr. d in the house. "Fat ass chicken shit."

Mr. Dickinson wakes up, "I say! Put me down!"

Kenny collapses under Mr. D's weight. The others come in to see Mr. D on top of Kenny.

"RAPE FRICKING RAPE! I always knew those two were gay." Max yells.

Mr. Dickinson stands up and dusts himself off, "That is preposterous!"

"So why are you here?" Kai asks

"….I thought I told you already." Tyson says.

"Hn." Kai's not even gonna bother.

Everyone sits down.

"I came here today to ask you a favour." Mr. Dickinson informs.

"I knew you'd hold me for the cockroaches in the icecream. What kind of favour?" Hilary asked.

"Well, beyblading hasn't been as popular lately and the restaurant that Oliver owns has come to an agreement with the BBA-"

"Cut to the chase Mr. D!" Tyson yells.

"You're doing a coking show with Oliver and his younger sister Baileigh. This'll benefit both parties. Oliver's restaurant gets publicity and beyblading also gets recognized." Mr. Dickinson explains.

"Why couldn't we have it with Tony Hawk or Sydney Crosby-" Jordan began to say.

"Hey! How dare you insult us!" Oliver yells as he jumps through and breaks the front room window. Baileigh walks in after him.

"I'm supposed to break the window!" Baileigh is offended.

"But I wanted to!" Oliver pouts.

"Uh…let's get to the set shall we?" Mr. Dickinson asks.

They get in a limo and are now on the scene.

"Why do I get the pink apron?" Kenny asks.

"Cause you're gay with Mr. D!" Tyson answers.

"So this is going to be broadcasted all around the world as is, even if we screw up?" Ray asks.

"Yes." Mr. Dickinson answers.

"Sweet so what are we supposed to make?" Jordan asks.

"Chicken and pie." Mr. d answers.

"I only have one recommendation. That is to never let Baileigh near and E-G-G-B-E-A-T-E-R!" Jordan and Oliver say.

"An eggbeater?" Max asks.

"EGGBEATER!" Baileigh yells excitedly.

"Hide!" Oliver yells.

Baileigh is running around and screaming with her eggbeater…the others were hiding in the spices cabinet.

"A-A-ACHOO!" Tyson sneezed. "I got paprika shoved up my nose."

"I think the coast is clear." Ray says. They walk out to see the kitchen completely destroyed. All the doors were scratched and had chunks missing off them. The counter and floors were scratched and the weirdest thing was there was eggs splattered all over the place. They saw Baileigh sprawled on the floor unconscious.

After clean up and getting ready…

"Ok. We begin in 10 minutes." The camerawoman Brittany says.

A whole bunch of make-up chicks were fussing over the guys. Baileigh, Jordan and Hilary were backstage.

"That supervisor dude asked us to put these on." Hilary complains.

"That's just wrong, what does he take us for anyway!" Baileigh says.

"How about these?" Jordan asks holding some new outfits.

"Hell yah!" the two others yell throwing out the boring plain outfits and put on…

"Yeah now these are way better!" Baileigh says.

"Don't you think these are a bit slutty?" Hilary asks pointing at her uniform. It was a V-neck cooking shirt. The sleeves were chopped off and it revealed a little skin. The pants were normal except for a few tears here and there.

Baileigh's was just a little string tied around her neck holding a shirt. It was a little longer though. She was wearing a long tight skirt with slits.

Jordan wore a white shirt that was almost a strapless except the straps were on her upper arms. Her pants were almost like a skirt.

"Where are those girls?" the supervisor's voice was heard.

When they came out…

"Jesus age Christ! I tell you to do something and you don't! well it's too late now! Get on the set!" the supervisor yells.

So they walk on stage and get a few cat calls but then…

"Huh? I thought those were for our chef prostitutes?" Brittany asks.

"Ok, and action!" someone says.

"Allo and welcome to cooking with Oliver." Oliver says.

"Blade breakers." Kai says.

"huh?" Oliver asks.

"cooking with the blade breakers." Kai states.

"NEVER!" Oliver yells

"I like blade breakers better." Baileigh states.

"NO! even my own sister is against me!" Oliver pouts.

"How bout we call it Cooking with the blade breakers and the bobsy twins." Ray says.

"NEVER!" Oliver and Baileigh yell.

"Fine It'll be called cooking with the blade breakers…+2!" Jordan states.

"fine." The 2 siblings give in.

"so let's start over, welcome to cooking with the blad4e breakers…+2 this'll be our only episode and don't try cooking ANY of our recipes at home." Jordan answers.

"JORDAN!" some guy yells.

"Fine, we suck at cooking but you can all do better."

"JORDAN!"

"ok ok today we're cooking chicken and pie. We should cook potato soup but since I don't have a say in the matter…"

"JORDAN!"

"SHUT UP IN THERE! ALL OF YOU IN THERE! FUCKING MOTHER FUCKING VOICES IN MY HEAD!" Jordan yells everyone anime falls.

"Uh we're gonna have a commercial break, we'll be back!" Hilary yells.

"PIECE OF MONKEY SH-"

"Ok now we're back." Tyson says happily.

"So now we are going to start cooking." Kenny says.

"Well all you have to do with the bird is to shove stuffing up it's ass and throw it in the oven." Jordan says.

"JORDAN!"

"SHUT UP PETE!"

Uh…yeah…so now onto the pie. Tyson can you gather ingredients?" Oliver asks.

Tyson is eating flour. "No get it yourself."

Baileigh runs up to Oliver "Eggbeater?" she asks holding it and some eggs.

"Later." Oliver says than has a thought, "Go read, there's too many people."

"Well I can go now." Kai walks away.

"No you stand there and look pretty." Oliver growls.

"well HN you!" you can all tell Kai didn't get his coffee.

"Yay!" Baileigh retreats behind her war of the worlds book.

"Ok so new we are going to sift flour and combine all the dry ingredients-" BOOM Max's sentence is cut short.

Kai walks out covered in flour.

"AHH EVIL GHOST!" Tyson yells. Kai sneezes a big cloud is formed.

"AHH! I'M ALERGIC TO WHEAT PRODUCTS!" Kenny yells.

"oh boy I guess it's an other commercial break." Hillary answers.

In someone's house, the demolition boys, white tigers, all starz, barthez battalion, Saint shields, psychics, and BEGA were all watching the show, most of them were laughing…

"Alright, Kenny is alright he just had to go to the medic." Hilary happily informed.

"Lets just hope that Mr. Dickinson doesn't rape him." Tyson says.

"Or Emily although I wouldn't put it past Kenny to rape her first." Max comments.

"Didn't he have a big rape story against Mariah?" Jordan asks.

"Can we please get of the rape subject please!" Baileigh yells.

"Ok while everyone was talking I did some of the ingredients. Now I need someone to beat the eggs." Oliver informs.

Baileigh runs over, "ME ME!"

Oliver reluctantly hands over the eggbeater.

"AHH HA HAA HAA!" Baileigh yells then beats the eggs into foam she then begins to beat anything in her path.

5 min later.

Oliver walks over to his crazy sister.

"Baileigh…set the eggbeater down or…I'll burn it!'

"Burn what?" Baileigh asks. Oliver has war of the worlds in his hand and in the other a lit lighter "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO(chokes)OOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY PRECIOUS!" Baileigh saves her book. "I won't let that French bastard touch you again!"

"You're French too!" Oliver and Hilary yell.

"well at least I respect the TRIPODS who will give me power! Fear me!...do it!" Baileigh answers.

"Let's check the bird." Jordan says as she opens the oven. "AAHHH!" the bird was a blaze and just in a craze Kai grabs the fire extinguisher and sprays it unfortunately he had it backwards so he sprays himself and falls from the force. I guess that's why the fire alarms went off.

Ray grabs the extinguisher and sprays the chicken. They pull it out. It shrunk and is pitch black.

"Uhh…who was in charge of the bird?" Oliver asks.

Everyone's heads turned to Tyson and Hilary making out.

"Get a room!" Baileigh yells. They go into one. "No! not my room!" Oliver, Jordan, Ray and Kai anime fall.

"well I guess that gets rid of those 3." Oliver optimizes.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Tyson yells.

"It's war of the worlds." Hilary states.

"that movie scares me." Tyson says.

"Which one? The new one or the weenie 1950's one?" Hilary asks.

"1950's! the flying saucers scare me!"

"You are such a frickin wussy sissy! You should see the new one!" Baileigh screams.

"Some day." Tyson says.

"And now lets put this baby in the oven." Ray says.

"Now lets play strip poker till the pie's ready." Jordan says.

"Oh boy…" Kai mumbled sarcastically.

So they waited and finally the pie was cooked.

"Mmm! It smells soo good!" Tyson comments.

"Yeah I wish Kenny were here to eat it with us. I'll give him a piece." Jordan and Baileigh smear pie all over the camera lens.

THE END!

I NEED 5 REVIEWS TO UPDATE! PLEASE! I'M SOO TIRED SO I'M GOIN TO BED!


	13. Kai's sexchange

Chapter 13

Kai's sexchange.

YAY! I GOT 51 REVIEWS! I'm sooo very sorry for the long wait, I got writter's block not once but twice and some personal/medical matters have been bugging the hell out of me so yes, as the title says there will be a few warnings that I will place later. It's kinda funny since a friend said I should do this idea so I did, I also got a friend to read it and she says it's "disgustingly funny" so yes on with the fic.

Warning; there WILL be some parts that WILL contain some mature themes. It's unavoidable in this case so forgive me if you don't like it.

Disclaimer; I don't own beyblade.

One day Ray and Kai decided they were gonna do a stunt or a series of them that were out of the ordinary and the sane mind for that matter for reasons unknown. The others started calling it the "Moron's Olympics." Cause basically it was two morons competing to see who could do each stunt better. So far they drank epicac to see who could puke the most, the longest, who could spray the most puke, and who's had more chunks and all that jazz, ate exlax and ran, and ate it and shit off a building for some of the same reasons for the puke, had a who could stay naked longer competition, pin the tail on Mr. D and now it was the final stunt, ski off the roof, through the ring of fire and into an inflatable kitty pool.

"Why? Why do I live with moronic, mentally incompetent, hyperactive, dumb, stupid assholes!" Kenny yelled pointing at Kai on skis with Ray beside him.

"Dunno." Tyson answered. Kai and Ray wave.

"Oh good! I'm talking to an ambulance, asylum and the cops!" Hilary yelled holding the phone.

"Hi guys!" Ray says a little too enthusiastically. He gets no response. "Hey! Assholes! I said hi!"

Kai puts his foot in a ski and stands up, "obviously they aren't gonna answer." He says to the pouting neko-jin who's currently jumping up and down.

Ray stops jumping "Well then I'm gonna make them answer! Hey you!" Max looks up, "yah you! I'm gonna teach you assholes that when someone's talking to you, you're gonna answer!" Ray pushes Kai off the roof. Kai goes zooming off the ramp, crashes right into the ring of fire so now he's a flying fireball, and falls into the pool screaming and cursing all the way. The others were screaming and Ray was too scared to scream and he was also shitting his pants cuz as soon as kai regained consciousness, he was going to brutally murder Ray. Our poor Russian was face down in the pool, luckily the fires were out but he was too big for the pool so he's hanging out a lot.

"Oh god! Kai!" Hilary and Kenny run to Kai and get him out of the pool or turn him over at least. Ray also jumps down. Jordan and Max were ripping off Kai's skis and Tyson…he was eating a sandwich and watching this like it was his favourite soap. Everyone could faintly hear the ambulance coming.

"Oh good, now we can see what the damage is." Max says.

Kai chose now to be the perfect time to wake up. "OWW! AHH! HOLY HELL MY ARM! IT FUCKING HURTS!"

Well the ambulance came and they're now at the hospital.

"Your friend here has a broken arm. One is a hairline fracture and the other is a little more serious. Please wait out here until we get his cast on. Just what did you do this time?" Doctor schwegman asked.

"Skied off the roof." Tyson says.

Dr. schwegman shakes his head. "well I'll see you soon." He leaves.

In another room…

Doctor schwegman and a nurse were in a room where Kai was drugged.

"Hi everybody!" a Spanish guy comes in.

"Hello doctor nic." The nurse groans. They put Kai's arm in a cast. Dr. S and the nurse leave for a coffee break. Dr. Nic was the only one in there.

"This is for the time you stole a looney from me!" Dr. Nic says.

Later…

The others walk into a room. Kai looked at them groggly. There was a pause.

"H-Hello Kai…" Ray breaks it not sure if Kai was still mad at him or if he was mad at him.

"Hmph. Ray why did you push me off the roof?" Kai asks.

"Well I had a little catnip and I got caught in the moment…sorry." Ray apologises.

"oh." There was another pause.

"Hey Kai is it me or did your boobs grow bigger?" Max randomly points out.

"They're not boobs!" Kai yells hoarsely.

"Yeah! Max has a point!" Tyson adds.

"So…when are you getting out of the hospital?" Hilary asks.

"Well, I can leave in a few hours." Kai says.

Jordan has a thought, "HEY! This is probably the most you've talked since that incident with-"

"that's cause I'm drugged!"

later they left the hospital and are now watching T.V they were watching an episode of Reno 911 and they just dropped the cat in the air conditioner. Kai stands and leaves the room. 5 min later….

"WHERE'S MY THING?"

"Not it." everyone except for Tyson say.

"Aww…" Tyson walks away. In another 5 minutes both can be heard screaming. So the others came up. The bathroom is closed.

"You're going in. we're not." Jordan says.

"Well why are you here?" Kenny asks.

Morbid curiosity." Hilary answers. So the guys go in, soon followed by more screaming and,

Kenny's voice is heard, "Hil! Jord! You better come in here!"

"No! I don't want to see things I'm not ready for!" Jordan answered.

"That's why we want you in here!" Max answers.

"NEVER!" Jordan yelled

"Ok." Hilary says.

"Hilary! You traitor!" Jordan yelled. Tyson pulled them in. all the men looked horrified and disgusted. Then they saw it. Hilary fainted and Jordan turned away. "So Kai…you really were a girl?"

"No! I'm a guy….or was…someone must've chopped everything off when I was sedated." Kai states. Jordan ran out of the door and shut it.

"So what are we going to do! We gotta change you back! But it would make a good story… 'Kai otherwise known as Kaiya the first beyblader to get a sexchange, Oliver's current sex is unknown." Ray says.

"so that explains the boobs." Tyson comments.

Hilary gets up, "Pinch me." Everyone pinches her.

SLAP! "Tyson you sick bastard! Kai! Would you PLEASE put your pants on?" Hilary yells, (remember Jordan bailed)

After they're all debating on what to do...

"Well first I think we should get Kai a boulder holder." Hilary states.

"A wha?" Kai asks.

"You know a bosom halter." Jordan says.

"You lost us." Tyson says.

Jordan who's always frustrated when she has to deal with stupid people (a.k.a; Tyson) blurted out "A BRA!"

"oh." Everyone says.

"lets go you." Hilary says dragging Kai away, Jordan who was suffering from lack of sleep tiredly followed.

"Ok first we need to measure your size." Jordan says threateningly holding and snapping the tape measure.

"Ok but just don't hit me!"

"Fine." Jordan sighed, "take off the scarf and the vest Kai."

"I knew it! You wanted to rape me!" Kai yells accusingly.

"You must be either really lonely or really stupid to come up with that conclusion." Hilary says then whispers in Kai's ear, "She has other plans, I assure you."

"What kind of plans a-" SNAP! "ow you sadistic bitch."

"Thanks for the complement; you always make my day brighter." Jordan sarcastically spits back before turning to Hilary who cringes, "He's a B cup. I might have a few, do you mind checking your drawer?"

"Sure. Kai! Quit feeling yourself up!" Hilary yells at Kai who's obviously not hiding the fact that he's a male and you can fill in the rest.

So they look and now,

"You can wear your own underwear and you can keep the bras." Hilary sighs.

"Really?" Kai asks. Jordan lifts up her shirt a little to show a boxer elastic. "Sweet!"

Hilary turns to Jordan, "You wear mens boxers?"

"Yah, why do you sound so surprised?"

"I knew you were a tomboy but I never knew you took it that far!"

"I've worn them everyday around the house, how could you not notice?"

"I'm gonna go now." Kai says walking away.

Tomorrow….

It was 6 in the morning and all through the house not a creature was stirring not even- AAAARRRRGGGGGHHH! Ok screw that. The others peeked out of their doors,

"Kai." Ray groaned. Now they could hear many loud thuds. So they walk over to Kai's room, and Kenny Jordan and Hilary team up and shove the others into the room. Now there was sounds of running and screaming and loud thuds like objects being thrown and hitting the wall and Kai yelling "Out! Get the fuck out! I need medical attention!" the door opens and Ray, Max and Tyson come flying out with garbage all over them with goose eggs.

"you go in." Surprisingly Kenny is very strong and pushed Hilary and Jordan in the room.

"………………………..kai?" Hilary called.

"AHHHH! I'M GONNA DIE!" Kai faints.

Hilary and Jordan grimly look at their surroundings. There's blood in random places.

"Oh boy how do we explain this one?" Hilary asks.

"Oh I have my ways. The boys I went to school with before I came here were chauvinistic pigs. I can handle this." Jordan answers.

Kai wakes up and begins to walk out but feels something strange like a diaper. A voice out of the shadows spoke, "Kai don't be alarmed."

"Why the hell shouldn't I be! My shadow's talking to me!" Kai says.

"It's just us. We're here to give you some information that no guy even a he/she would understand but you're gonna sit through this and you are gonna cling on to every word or so help me god I'll hurt you so bad your grandchildren will feel it." Jordan says as she and Hilary step out of Kai's closet.

"Jordan! That's mean! He's in a paranoid state! You don't threaten to beat the snot out of someone who's like that." Hilary states.

"Oh so that's why my brother won't come near me…." Jordan realizes, poking Hilary for not coming up with it sooner, Hilary falls back into the closet.

"So that's how you deal with things? With violence?" Hilary asked getting up.

"Yeah, who made you my mother?"

"So what is this you wanna tell me?" Kai asked.

"Well there's a er…certain period in a girl's life where there's er going to be er changes." Hilary begins.

"One is the menstrual cycle, a pain in the ass." Jordan says.

"Huh? What are you talking about? I accidentally cut my foot trying to get out of bed...not that." Kai explains.

"Well that was a waste of time that I could have used sleeping. Well I'm going to eat breakfast." Jordan leaves.

"see ya later." Hilary says.

At the table…

"Hey guys! My cereal's telling me a message! It says 'oooooooooo'" Tyson happily informs.

"Tyson those are cheerios." Ray groans. Jordan was playing Russian roulette.

Max and Kenny were looking through the business cards. "Hmmm, guess who has a business in gynaecology." Max says.

"Lee." Jordan says.

"Brooklyn." Ray says.

"Ozuma." Hilary says.

"Micheal." Kelly says.

Kai looked a little freaked out "Don't let it be Tala."

Max was all smiles, "yah it's tala."

"Well he's probably our only chance." Hilary wisely says.

"NOOO!" Kai yelled "I'll die like this before I let that idiot operate on me."

"What?" Kenny asked.

"I stole from him when we were 5. and since the cooking show I'm trying to keep a low profile. My male pride is at stake." There was a long silence then Kai added, "What's left of it I mean."

"Well lets give him a call!" Tyson says hyper cuz he ate all his cheerios.

They all crowd around the phone and Jordan puts it on speaker then dials the number.

"_What do you want?" _Tala asked.

"Really tala is that anyway to treat possible customers?" Hilary scolds.

"_What are you? My fucking mother? You shit me out of your womb for this? Fine how's this? How may I help you idiots today?" _Tala spits back loaded with sarcasm.

"Tala you fucking ass master why do you have to be such an-"

"TYSON! Oh wait that was…..MAX!" everyone says.

"_Oh it's you guys huh? I saw the show, chimpanzees on cocaine could do better in their diapers. Mind you I haven't laughed so much since Kai got chased by all those greyhounds when he accidentely fell in the meat locker."_ Tala says.

"Look I'm going to be blunt cuz the way these fuckers are going I won't get this out till June 6 2006 then I won't need to…..Tala……can you make a man out of me?" Kai asks.

"_What the fuck? Kai...are you gay? I always knew you liked me you putz." _Tala says.

"I need a sexchange you moron." Kai states monotonously.

"_So you were a girl? That was my other guess cuz you were always antisocial and wouldn't go near the other boys." _Tala said.

"No I was born with my nuts it's just that someone chopped them off." Kai states.

Kenny took the liberty of re-telling the strange story. Fast forward it…..(everyone sees the authoress in a tutu… "you didn't see anything…") so now we are 5 minutes into the future and now Tala's laughing his ass off and now he's beginning to choke.

"_Oh hell no! Tala? What's wrong? Your blue!" _Ming Ming's voice is heard.

"He needs CPR! Or the Heimlich!" Jordan yells.

"But I don't wanna smear my lipstick or break my nails!"

"I swear if you don't do it I'll beat you so bad that you'll need as much plastic surgery as Pamela Anderson!" Ray says.

Everyone gasps.

"Ok!" Ming Ming tries.

"AAAHHH! DISINFECTENT!" Tala yells. He disinfects himself. 2 minutes later.

"Ok so Kai got a sexchange in a hospital without his consent huh?" Tala gets his facts straight.

"Yes so can you do it?" Max asks.

"_Sure, 5:00 tomorrow is free. Right after my reverse Mrs. Doubtfire thing someone scheduled…..by the way did I mention the cooking part of the cooking show sucked ass." _ Tala hanged up.

So everyone suspencfully waited till tomorrow in which nothing really happened….oh wait scratch that a certain someone blabbed Kai's condition (Tala is laughing evily) and almost all the teams came to bug them about the cooking show and to see Kai in his unnatural state.

"yeah and goodbye to you too." Kai groaned a mystel's back.

Everyone looked at the damage, three was vomit all over since Lee and Miguel were hammeted and brought booze, they finished scraping Ming Ming off the ceiling, they went to bed.

It was now 4:45 and they were patiently waiting for Tala and the nurse…………………………………..Gary. Tala pops out and beckons them in. so Hilary was in the hallway cause she'd rather not watch. Ray Jordan and Max were there for moral support and for Jordan….morbid curiosity they left Tyson at Wendy's.

"Ok. Lets get this started." Tala says.

"Full steam ahead!" Kai was given a LOT of morphine.

"Removing item." Tala pulls out a vacuum.

Jordan had a very strange thought, "Tala…you're NOT turned on by all this are you?"

"NO!...ok maybe. What gave you that idea!"

Jordan pointed at the vacuum.

"I TOLD MING MING NOT TO LEAVE THAT LYING AROUND!"

"lets get this over with!" Ray was on a guilt trip.

"Fine." Tala picks up the vacuum.

"Tala, that's the vacuum." Max sighed.

"Oh…..right." Tala pulls out a chainsaw.

If you were outside the room all you would hear (like Kenny & Ming Ming (smooch) ) all you would hear was a big long "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."

"Now we're going to stitch him up." Tala informs.

"Is that mine?" Kai asks.

"Believe it or not, it is. I had to kill doctor nic for it though." Tala says.

"Hurry up!" Hilary was heard yelling.

The operation was thankfully a success.

"Ray! You're dead!" Kai runs at Ray with a scalpel. Ray screams like a little girl.

THE END! Sorry if the chappie wasn't very funny oh yeah I was also thinking about changing my pen name. probably not, if I do it'll be something like elemental sage something to do with the elements. I'm not sure. The next chapter is based off of one of the greatest movies of all time….the adam's family values, well at least the camping part. Well please review! I need five then I'll update!


	14. the blade breaker values

Chapter 14

The blade breaker values.

Well only 2 reviews. It's ok, I didn't expect many cuz of that chapter but to those who did, thank you. I just turned 14 on the twelfth so I kinda wanted some, but that's ok. This chapter is based off of the Adam's family values so I kinda had to copy, not much but I had to in a few parts. Forgive me if its not funny but I tried juicing it up. Now on with the fic.

Disclaimer; I don't own beyblade, or the idea of adam's family values. Only Jordan and Dameon and a few others in there. (I based Daemon off of an old friend of mine that lives in another town who I haven't had contact with for around 4 or 5 years. So I don't know what he would act like. His name is colton. )

Mr. Dickinson was fed up with the blade breakers. Ever since the cooking show his head was always hung in shame. He needed to find a way to reward the good kids but punish the bad ones. Finally it hit him,Camp Algonquin. This was a prestigious camp for gifted rich pretty boys and preppy girls who were afraid of the wilderness. Mr. Dickinson laughed insanely in his office.

"Hey guys! Mail's here!" Tyson says. Everyone looks through it.

"Mr. D sent us a letter." Max informs holding it up.

Ray took it and opened it up then read it out loud,

'_Dear Ray, Max, Jordan, the anti social one, Hilary, No eyes and the fat boy_. _I'm giving you a surprise…meet me at the big building that looks like a big shiny turd-"_

"The business building." Hilary says.

"Sh! I'm reading!" '_Please bring the following supplies. 1 for each person.' _"

"So toilettes-" Max begins.

"We have to bring the toilet! I didn't need the port-a-potty since last week for cryin out loud!" Tyson yells.

"That's bathroom stuff. Soap shampoo that sort of thing." Kenny says.

"Sleeping bags, bug repellent, lots of clothes, rubber boots, swimsuits and first aid." Hilary continues.

"sounds like we're going camping again." Jordan says having a unanimous flashback

"Maybe we'll see Antonio again." Max says.

"Who cares. Lets just bring the stuff." Kai said really bored.

So yah they packed throughout the whole day, nothing really happened except for Tyson tried stuffing the pantry, tv,ps2 and al the things you would expect Tyson to bring.

So off they went. They met Mr. D at the building.

"Ok now you guys have to get on that bus." Mr. D points at a hippie bus.

Jordan had her doubts but suddenly she accidentally pulled a muscle in her leg she ran full speed for the bus. The others looked at eachother. They knew that under normal circumstances Jordan wouldn't go near that bus with a 10 foot pole but as soon as they saw her run for the bus they soon followed. It was a long bus ride but they finally got to camp Algonquin. They stepped off the bus and a girl who screamed girly came towards them.

"Hi, I'm Samantha smith, why are you dressed like that?" she asks Jordan.

"Like what?" Jordan answered with a trace of a growl.

"Like you're a ragamuffin." Samantha said pointing at her torn jeans and ripped t-shirt.

"Maybe cause I want to what's it to you?" Jordan asked 'who shoved the stick up her ass?'

Samantha's dad walked up "Hi John smith, isn't this place something? Are all these your kids?" he shakes Mr. d's hand.

"No." Mr. Dickinson answers.

"where are their parents?" John asked.

"I killed them and ate their livers." Kai answered.

The others waved off Kai's comment. "So what are your names?" Samantha asked.

"Ray."

"Hmph."

"Jordan."

"Max."

"Tyson."

"Hilary."

"Kenny."

Later….

"Hey! Attention everybody!" the male supervisor said, "I'm Gary Grainger."

"And I'm Becky martin Grainger!" they both sounded a little too excitedly.

"They're on crack." Ray concluded. The two still talked but still sounded too happy and cheerful.

"They better not be relatives of mine." Tyson said grimly.

Everyone looked around at their surroundings. Jordan saw a punk that looked familiar. "Why did you bring me here again?"

"I didn't make that decision. Your school told me to send you here." A man who was with him said.

"Aww fuck." He grumbled.

Later….

Gary blew on his whistle, "Life saving! We can show our stuff and earn our certificates! Now lets have everyone pair up with a life saving buddy, Hilary! Marianne!"

"Is that your swimsuit?" Marianne asks.

"Are those your crossed eyes?" Hilary answers.

"Ok now one of you is the drowning victim! And the other one is….the life saver!" Gary informs.

"I'll be the victim!" Marianne says.

"All your life." Jordan mumbles. Ray and the punk laugh.

I'm going to be an actress." Marianne continues.

"Brava! Now mary dive in, swim out a few yards and drown."

Marianne does that, "HELP ME! I'M DROWNING HELP ME! I'M DYING!" she yells very dramatically. Hilary jumps in but she can't swim. So they both go under.

After rescuing Hilary it was now night time.

"And then the ghost said 'AND I'LL HAUNT YOU FOREVER!'" Samantha turns the flash light on Jordan "Jordan you have to continue the story."

"Why? It's lame, there's no hope for blood and gore now." Jordan answers.

"Well if you can't do it…."

Jordan slowly sat up and set down her fruits basket comic. "And so the next night the ghost returned to the haunted cabin and said to the campers…. 'None of you really believe in me so I'll have to prove my power.' And the next morning when the campers woke up…all of them had some of the biggest pimples on record."

Everyone screamed bloody murder. Jordan smiled and went back to her comic with ear plugs.

In the morning…..

"Mail call!" Becky hands out mail.

The blade breakers look at the letters.

"Oh boy…" Max mumbled.

"This is the worst event in human events." Kenny says.

"What happened? Some bad news?" Gary asked.

"Grandpa G's getting married." Hilary says.

"A wedding? That's great news!" Gary says.

"To whom?" a person asks.

"To the maid." Tyson grunted in his sleep. The others nodded.

"Get out! I'll cut myself! _The help?_" Samantha commented.

"I'm sure that she's a very nice person." Becky says.

"I think that's disgusting! I think the whole lot of them are like some weird mental experiment almost like circus freaks!" Samantha spits out.

"Aww thankyou! That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to us!" Jordan shoots back loaded full of sarcasm as she advances on Samantha.

"What did you say you preppy cow?" Ray growled as he and Kai also advanced on her.

"Hey! Group hug!" Becky said as everyone except Jordan Ray and Kai.

"Kai, Jordan, Ray….will a hug hurt us?" Gary asks as he walks over.

"We don't hug." Kai growls.

"Oh they're just shy." Becky comments.

"We're not shy-" Jordan begins.

"We're contagious." Ray finishes.

I'm sensing some friction here…something not quite Algonquin." Gary informs to the others.

"Uh huh." Everyone agrees.

"Hey no problemo, all they need are good friends, good fun….and a little time in the harmony hut." Becky says.

In the harmony hut….

"How long do we have to stay here?" Ray asks grimly looking at the preppy posters.

"Until we crack." Kai answers. The door opens.

"Have fun." Gary says pushing the punk in.

"What're you in for?" Jordan asks.

"I threw a kid off the dock." He answers.

"That's all?" Kai asks

"And I shot an arrow at kid who was pissing me off, made the mess hall live up to its name and did my own art on the art cabin." He looked around to see the Micheal Jackson poster and its CD album 'heal the world.' He screamed.

After that was over…

"So you drew the graffiti and the swastikas….you look familiar, what's your name?" Jordan asked looking at the boy. He was tall and lean. He had spiked greyish brown hair and green/blue eyes.

"Daemon." He answered.

'Ok…I thin I remember him now!' Jordan thought. "Ok now I remember you. Don't you remember when you were 8? I'm your friend Jordan! Your partner in crime!"

Daemon looked puzzled and then a big grin appeared on his face. "Jorginist? The crazy girl in my hometown, and best friend? You've grown up and holy shit your hair has grown long."

"This is all very touching…actually no it isn't. we all need to find a way out of here." Kai breaks in.

"I've noticed something…when we got that letter Tyson never even barely said a word! Nothing, he didn't even try to leave or even appeared shocked. He seemed possessed." Ray notices.

"The bastards that run this hell hole probably put drugs in everyone's food and I guess we're the only ones that are immune." Jordan answers.

So they began to make plans on how to escape…later that night.

"C'mon let's go! We have to cross the live action forest!" Jordan tries to wake the boys up. All the sudden she yells "DRANZER AND DRIGGER ARE GONE!" the three woke up. Daemon woke up cuz he heard Kai and Ray scream bloody murder. They finally go to the live action forest. They look worriedly around.

"AAHHH! LIVE ACTION SQUIRELL WITH HUGE BALLS!" Ray Kai and Daemon scream like little girls.

"IT HAS NO WEAK SPOTS!" Ray yells.

"AAAHHH IT'S COMING THIS WAY!" Kai yells.

"WE ARE ALL GONNA DIE!" Daemon yells.

"Oh my god! Are you guys a bunch of wusses? I can't believe what I'm hearing! Pull yourselves together!" Jordan yells for they began ripping themselves apart cuz they didn't want the squirrel to hump them to death. "But it sure has big balls though….." Ray shakes Jordan

"Wake up Jordan! Don't look at the balls! Boys it seems those balls have hypnotic powers on women." Ray says.

"NOOO JORDAN! We must avenge her!" Daemon yells. So they kick the squirrel in the nuts and it runs away. Jordan was still kinda out of it so Kai carried her and they made it to the fence. At this point Jordan woke up and they all began to climb the fence when they heard a siren a whistle and Samantha's annoying voice.

"There they are, I saw them sneak out."

"Get down! Children what do you think you're doing?" Gary asked.

"Going to a beyblade tournament and earn a scholarship oh yeah and get the hell out of this hell hole. What's it to you?" Ray asks.

"Going to a beyblade tournament is more important than a summer of fun? More important than making new friends? More important than sharing?" Becky asks.

"Hell yah, beyblade tournaments are our fun and that's how we make new friends and we share beyblade parts." Everyone yells.

"I think they should be punished! Punish punish punish punish!-" Samantha begins but was tackled by the 4.

"No! No! we are not here to punish! We are here to inspire." Becky yells.

"Do you know what our little punk ass friends need? Do you know what just might turn their sad and potentially wasted lives around?" Gary asks.

"What?" the 4 ask. Everyone begins singing Kumbyia the 4 begin to slowly back away and try to get over the fence discreetly.

It was a few days later and it was archery practise. Jordan shot and hit dead on the bulls eye. Daemon grabbed the bow and shot it but it hit the outside ring. Ray grabbed the bow and grabbed an arrow and aimed for a long time.

"go!" Gary yelled. Ray shot at the sky and let go. A bird's cry startled them all and when a bird hit the groud it did even more.

"It's a do-do bird. Aren't they extinct?" Gary asks.

"they are now." Kenny informs.

Tomorrow

"Jamboree's only 2 weeks away and that means cleaning cabins the big play and canoes, lots and lots of canoes." Gary informs.

"So lets get crackin." Becky says.

Kai Jordan Ray and Daemon were talking about random topics behind the bleachers.

"Grandpa G isn't getting married after all." Jordan says.

"Close call, any marriage with him would be an unhappy one." Ray comments.

They all began talking about ways to torment the fellow campers.

"Each year we conclude our summer with a very special presentation. Book music and lyrics by-"

"Gary Grainger!" Becky finishes.

"And this year the old bean has come up with something very exciting. My own personal salute to the first thanksgiving. Now we have thought long and hard about choosing just the right little actress for the leading role of Sarah Miller. Our beautiful pilgrim lady. And we selected….Samantha Smith!" Gary says. All the preps cheer real loud. "And her pilgrim pals; Hilary, Marianne, Max, Kenny, lily, Suzy and Tiffany!" More cheers.

"OF course not everyone can be a star. Lets not forget our cheery little Algonquians; Tyson, Alex, Ethel, Ivan, Agatha, Bonita, Cybil, and I still don't know how to pronounce this Jam-all, Jae-mil…Jamal? Whatever and as their leader in the secondary but still compellingly written role of Pocahontas, guess how we have in mind…our own little raven haired outcast….Jordan Gervais." Becky says.

Jordan peeked over the bleachers looking horrified, Ray, Kai and Daemon were pulling fits of laughter.

"Are you quite finished yet! We could use this to our advantage." Jordan informs. At this they laugh harder.

Half n hour later.

They were still laughing. Kai stands up "Whoo, I haven't laughed since Boris tried recruiting me on his team in the Russian tournament."

1 day later

the supervisors were showing the kids a dance.

"Here they are!" A boy yells. 3 boys come dragging the dynamic quartet.

"We caught them by the payphone." Another explains.

"I was ordering a new supply of explosives and spray paint." Daemon says.

"And other stuff." Ray adds nodding seriously.

"And you are late for your fitting!" Becky says.

"You notice they didn't freak out about the explosives right?" Kai says "they must be on some kind of drug."

"I don't want to be in the pageant." Jordan says.

"Don't you want to help me realize my vision?" Gary asks pouting.

"No. your work is over dramatic. There's no comic relief and the lack of blood and violence is nauseating." Jordan answers.

"Young lady I'm getting just a bit tired of your attitude problem." Gary says.

'I'll just bet you are you pot smoking homo.' Jordan thought

"Everyone! Campers! I have a wonderful idea-" Becky begins

"You're both going to commit suicide? Please say you're going to commit suicide!" Ray yells.

"No. Jordan Ray Kai and Daemon well they have just never latched onto the Algonquin spirit, nor have some of their little comrades. Isn't that sad?"

"YES!" almost everyone yells.

"don't you just hate that?"

"YES!"

"Don't you wish they would just die?"

"YES!"

"Don't worry we wish we would just die too." Daemon comments.

"No we don't! but you know what we're going to do with them. We're going to give them an example. We're going to show that anyone no mater how pale (kai) odd (Ray) psychotic (daemon) or sadistic (Jordan) can still have a damn good time. Whether they like it or not." Becky threatens.

"What're you gonna do? Sing lame songs to us, smoke more weed to get rid of the harsh reality of life? Are you going to get a lobotomy?" Ray asks hopefully.

In the harmony hut….

"Yes indeedy just the ticket; Bambi, Lassie come home, the little mermaid-" the two say.

"Stop it!" Daemon, Jordan yell.

"He's only a child." Kai says pointing at Ray.

"Don't worry, we're getting out of here." Daemon says.

"But it's Disney." Jordan whispers.

So they watch the movies concocting a secret plan that Jordan wasn't very fond of for the first part but was outvoted, she wanted to blow the camp up. They step out of the hut to see everyone standing out there.

"Well…good evening. Is there anything you'd like to say to everyone."

Jordan was going to say 'shove it up your ass.' But said instead "yes."

"What is it?" Becky asks.

"I'm not perky."

"That's for damn sure." Samantha says.

'it'll be for damn sure when I shove my foot up your ass. Hey i never noticed that there was that big of a gap in her teeth, she's so ugly I bet the doctor slapped her mother on the day she was born…' Jordan didn't want to say this part but she somehow managed. "But I want to be." 'I can't believe I'm doing this. This plan better work' the boys also fought to keep their faces straight.

"You do? THE WORLD'S GONNA END!" Tyson yelled.

"I want to smile and dance and be Pocahontas in Gary's vision." Jordan continued.

"Oh darling do you really mean that?" Becky asked. The corners of Jordan's mouth began to pick up and looked strange, as if she didn't use those muscles in a long time, finally she smiled a true smile. Everyone gasped. Daemon Ray and Kai didn't think she'd be able to pull it off.

"Isn't she pretty?" Becky cooes.

"She's scaring me!" Samantha whines.

"Not as much as the gap between your beaver teeth does. I think I should smile more often, it's not that bad.' Jordan thought.

The big day…..

"It's summer! We take this occasion to celebrate an event in American history…the first thanksgiving!" Gary says.

"The dancers come out. Tyson is a big turkey. They sang and danced and once in a while Tyson would say "eat me!" also two dancers collided and knocked themselves unconscious.

Later in the play…

"I'm so glad we invited the Algonquians to join us for our holiday meal, remember these _savages_ are our guests so put the KF7 away peter. Don't be alarmed by any of their strange customs for they don't have any of the advantages we do such as schools, books and soap." Samantha (sarah miller) says.

The natives walk up. Daemon and Kai are guards with Jordan and Ray in between them.

"How, I'm Pocahontas, an Algonquin metis." Jordan says.

"And I am running bear, betrothed to Pocahontas. Don't be alarmed by our fierce guards." Ray says looking around.

"We've brought a special gift for this holiday feast." Jordan says. Tyson waddles in.

"I'm a turkey blow my brains out."

"What a thoughtful gift! You are civilized though we wear shoes and have last names. Welcome to our table our new guests." Samantha says.

"thank you Sarah Miller you are the prettiest pilgrim I've ever seen, your hair is the colour of wheat, your skin is like homo milk…and everyone loves you." Jordan said 'NOT'

"Stop…sit!" Samantha coy fully coes

"Wait." Kai says.

"What?" Samantha asks.

"We cannot break bread with you." Daemon adds.

"Huh? Becky what's going on?" Sam asks.

"Guys!" becky hisses.

"You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now our people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans and drink high balls. We will sell our bracelets by the roadside, you will play golf and enjoy hot orderves. My people will have pain and degradation, your people will have stick shift. The gods have spoken they say 'do not trust the pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller." Jordan says.

"Gary! She's changing the words!" Sam whines. Becky is trying to keep him from killing our dynamic quartet.

"And for all these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground." Ray says doing a native cry.

Only 2 words could describe what happened next. Pure Chaos. They began torching the houses.

"Children stop it! You're destroying my props!" Gary yelled.

2 grabbed Samantha and began tying her to a stake. Jordan and Ethel who was another master archer had fire arrows and were aiming at Gary and Becky. They ducked just in time cuz the arrows landed right where their heads were 2 seconds ago. Daemon activated secret catapults and shot someone into the lake. Others shot pie into the crowd.

"Now for some vitamin G." Kai poured gas on the logs around Samantha. The other 3 walked over. They all had lit matched. Daemon dropped his.

"You dumbass! We weren't supposed to burn her at the stake!" Ray yelled.

"Shit!" Daemon mumbled.

"Oh well. It doesn't matter, she was a witch and a bitch anyway." Kai consoled.

They tie becky and gary on a spit over a fire and they roast them.

An hour later they were all packed up.

"What happened?" Tyson asked.

"You were all brainwashed." Kai states.

"Lets get out of here!" Hilary yells.

"Who would do such a thing to us?" Max asked.

"Mr. D. he brought us here." Ray said.

"Yeah, I can agree with that logic." Kenny said. They all climbed over the fence. They began walking.

"So Daemon you live across from us right?" Tyson asked.

"Yah." He answered.

"Man I could have visited you!" Jordan sighed.

"Don't worry about it. Now you know, thought I'll have to come over now too." He says.

THE END! Finally I got that over with, can I have 5 reviews? I'll try to update and I'm still kinda open to ideas….

Sakura Sama 101


	15. resturants and the gang don't mix

Chapter 15

Never take the bladebreakers to a fancy restaurant.

Well this chapter is a little weird but ultimately funny, well Baileigh couldn't stop laughing through some of our classes so that's a sign. I got this idea from a reviewer named crazyanzgrl.originally I was going to do the restaurant one but when me and Baileigh were talking in gym she gave me some ideas on how to cross the two ideascrazyanzgirl gave me into one. (Baileigh co-written the chapter or the idea of the ending and one of the flashbacks.) well as I'm constantly being told, I talk too much so on with the chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own beyblade. Only a few of my memories that are in there. Blah blah blah!

Hilary who is a big time nerd/prep as we all know, is spending more than her 5 hours on the phone a day time which was ultimately pissing everybody off who liked to go on the computer. Kai tried getting shaws internet service but when he found out the price he wigged and then they banned him from ever buying any of their products. Ironically Hilary got off the phone after2 hours.

"Finally I finally scheduled an appointment with the BBA board of directors.

"Huh, when and where?" Kenny asked

"And why?" Max added.

"Well we've all been the laughing stalk of the beyblade community." Hilary began

"No surprises there." Kai and Ray say at the same time.

"So I wanted an appointment with the BBA, Mr. Dickenson won't come near us with a ten foot pole soI went to the board, they have the real power since they advise Mr. D and give him most of his ideas anywyay." Hilary pauses.

"You still forgot when and where." Jordan breaks it.

"That new restaurant that opened up tomorrow evening. We only have one problem, most of them don't know how to speak English, does anyone know any other languages?" Hilary answers.

"Chinese." Ray says.

"Russian." Kai adds.

"French, German, Greek, Italian, Spanish, Latin, Portuguese, Chinese-"

"We get it Kenny!" everyone yelled even Daemon across the street.

"I don't know any languages, only stuff I learned off of TV." Tyson says. Now everyone was looking at Jordan who looked confused and scared.

"Uh….i learned some French in school…" she mumbled.

"Jordan actually learned something!" Max blurts out.

"Hey it was school! They pounded it into my brain and turned it to mush! I only remember yes anyway." Jordan says.

FLASHBACK

A nine year old Jordan was sitting at a table. The teacher comes in blah blah blah and now they have the lesson.

"The French word for yes is 'Wee wee.'"

"Holy crap! You gotta be shittin me! That's hilarious! What's the French word for no? 'Poo Poo?' Sorry but I gotta take a wicked yes."

Another French class….

"The French word for pool is piscine."

"My god! That's so retarded! Excuse me but I got to 'Piss in' the pool." Jordan puns.

Another French class…

"The French word for cat is chat."

Jordan is now giggling very loudly, "Ok the French I think are royally screwed up in the head, maybe that's why I'm psycho, I gotta go, I think I 'shat' on my cat and I better go check." Jordan puns.

The last French class

"The french word for seal is….fuck."

"OOOHHH YOU SAID A BAD WORD! I'M CALLING THE SUPER INTENDANT!" Jordan shrieks then laughs and falls out of her chair. Jordan notices the silence, "You're joking right?"

"No unfortunately I'm not." The guy says.

"Well since this is the last class of the year,

"I fuck the un fuck who fucked a duck and said fuck this." Jordan then jumped out the window.

END ALL FLASHBACKS

"Ok I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear that for my own mental safety." Max says.

So they wait for tomorrow. A BBA limousine parks outside the house.

"Lets go! Lets go! We have no time! Put the 5ft sub down Tyson! We'll eat when we get there!" Hilary drags everyone outside.

They finally get there…and sit at their table.

"Why's everyone staring?" Kenny slinks under the chair. They follow everyone's eyes to find Jordan belching words to a song and max making fart sounds with his arms.

"Fa la la la la..la la la la!" Max really farted at the end.

"For god sakes!" Hilary back handed Jordan who was bowing and saying,

"Thankyou! I'll be here till eight! You're too kind you old dear!" an old lady fingered her.

30 min later…

"So when are the 'El Stiffos' coming?" Kenny asks real loud.

"Soon, now stop asking questions." Kai said.

All the sudden there is a loud noise, it's a cross between a really loud fart and someone trying to play a trumpet for the first time. Everyone turns to Tyson.

"It's not my fault the wicked bitch of eighth grade wouldn't let me eat my sub!" he answers.

Kenny breaks this loud conversation by saying "Oh hey there's a band audition here that starts in 5 minutes."

"Lets go see." Ray says dragging Kai away from his coffee.

So they go to a poster and it said "Band auditions, people wanted preferably bass players."

So they walk over to a table to where two girls were sitting. One had messy brown hair, slightly gothic appearance and wore the name tag 'Bree.'

The girl next to her had short dark red hair with black streaks and had a punk rocker look. You will remember her from other chapters…Baileigh!

"Oh, Jordan you're late." Bree informed.

"Yeah…" Jordan sat in the third chair. Her long hair clashing slightly but her tomboy punk style fitting in nicely.

"You're in a band?" Kenny asked.

"You're so secretive you make me look like a blabbermouth." Kai mumbles to no one.

Tyson looks like he's thinking really hard and looks around, "But…there's already 3 of ya why would you need a 4th?" Tyson looks around at Bree and Baileigh since she got her hair dyed Tyson couldn't recognise her unless he looked real hard. "Hello beautiful ladies, Christmas is coming….in 11 months. Are you naughty or nice?"

"POSER!" Bree yelled.

"if you looked a little more like tom cruise I'd consider it." Baileigh says.

"One tom cruise coming up!" Tyson spins around in a circle and when he's done he's wearing a black wig and clothes that are 5x too small so a lot of flab is hanging out.

"It can only be Tyson." Ray sighed.

"I play keyboard, we need a bass player." Jordan decided to explain now,

"I can sing!" Tyson yells.

"We don't need vocals but go ahead." Bree says.

Tyson sings the 'my little pony' theme exactly like that little girl, it was unholy kinda like off of little nicky and Mr. beefy snores? THAT kind of unholy.

"It's horrible! You're the worst I've ever seen! And I live with my dad!" Baileigh yells.

"How about this?" Tyson sings another song. Baileigh grabs her periwinkle binder with Tom Cruise on the front. Tyson thinks "I looked at this tom cruise square coming at my face, I wasn't 100 percent sure, then it hit me.' Tyson is now unconscious. 5 min later 'I awoke 5 minutes later in a daze at my table.'

In 10 minutes Tyson got an ice pack for his head and was now eating out of an enormous tub of ice cream.

"Tyson! Don't hog the comfort food!" Kenny yelled grabbing a spoon.

"Those fancy pants suits better hurry." Ray said.

"Well if they don't, I get dibs on Tyson. He's the fattest fuck here." Jordan comments with an insane twinkle in her eye.

3 men in clean suits came to their table. It made them think they did something wrong and they were with the FBI or the MIB.

"Hello blade breakers." One said in a curt voice as he sat down. The others followed suit.

So far it was a peaceful time, Hilary did most of the talking and Kenny doing occasional translating. The others noticed 1 guy was rather shifty and said things to the others that sounded very rude. During one of those the guy was looking evilly at Jordan while murmuring in another guy's ear.

'That's it.' Jordan thought. Jordan looked for something to throw but Kai beat her to the punch. Since the guy was speaking in Russian, Kai could understand every word.

Kai said in Russian "Keep your comments to yourself."

The other guy said "Make me." Then Kai threw a piece of pie at him that connected right in his face. This caused a major food fight and all the proper people trying to get out of range.

"STOP THIS NOW!" Hilary yelled, but a piece of cookie with cream on top thrown by Kenny connected with her mouth

Ray ran for his life and began looking for a phone. Someone threw chocolate at Ray and he did the matrix, but as he got up a flying ball of beef hit him right in the chest. Ray fell down.

"Oh no! what's the number for 411?" someone yelled.

"It's 911 retard!" someone answered.

"What happened?" a girl asked.

"He got hit by my mom's meatloaf."

"Quick get an ambulance!" the 411 person yelled.

After that ordeal….

Since Tyson was too busy eating to notice the others gone he had to walk home by himself.

Baileigh steps out of the shadows of an alley. "Hey you!" she calls out to Tyson.

"Huh? Yeah?" Tyson answers.

"Some friends of mine want to talk to you." Baileigh says. Tom Cruise, Justin chatwin, Dakota Fanning and Tim Robbins come out of the said alley with instruments and………ATTACK!

Tom breaks an electric guitar on his head. Tim cans him with a violin, Justin busts a drum in half smashing it on his back and Dakota was attempting to shove 2 drum sticks up Tyson's ass.

When this cruel and unusual bashing was over they all went back to Baileigh "yess good job my brain washed minions." While petting a purring tom cruises head. Baileigh laughed manically then choked. Justin then began to cough up a hairball. "No! Not again! Now I gotta take you to the vet!" Baileigh and her brainwashed movie stars disappeared into the dark.

THE END!

Well hoped you liked it, please review, not sure what the next chappie is going to be but I think I have a slight idea on what it's going to be, ttyl!

Sakura Sama 101


	16. VERY IMPORTANT

i'm very sorry for all those who love this story but i have some bad news, owing to a very important circumstance, i can't update as much as i would like. probably one chapter in the next month, i have to raise 4 orphaned kittens that are only around 1 month old so i have to bottle feed them and clean them and all that so yeah, i'm working hard on the next chapter but it'll take a while to find some time to write it and post it along with all of my other duties.MAN I SOUND SO SERIOUS! IT'S INSANE! i'll try my best!

peace out and milkshakes (i love that line)

Sakura Sama 101


	17. Memories

Memories

Chapter 17

Well my kittens died, they were too young to be away from their mother, they just got weak. And there's no need for me or anyone else to be sad about it. Well this is dedicated to their honour and the people I did tell have shown great support, thanks. Well on with the chappie.

Disclaimer: I don't own beyblade or Bill Cosby and his comical genius works.

Everyone was calmly watching TV, suddenly lightning struck down a big power pole and shrouded the whole neighbourhood in darkness.

"Why us?" Kenny sighed "why not the rich people three blocks down?"

"We're cursed." Kai answered. Dun dun dun!

"ray would you stop doing that!" Hilary asked Ray who was at the piano.

"Aww…" Ray pouted.

"so what now?" Max asked.

"hey why not tell stories?" Jordan suggested. There was a knock on the door.

"I'll get it." Tyson says. He goes to the door and sees a person you'd half expect to see.

"H-Hiro? What're you doin here?"

"Hiro?" the others ask then run to the door.

"Hi guys."

"What're you doing here?" Tyson repeated.

"what? Now I can't even come and see you?" Hiro asked sounding deeply offended.

"Yes you can come and visit but you are a mysterious one. That pops up one day, gone for 5 years…kinda like a friend only coming to see you cuz they want something….they never give it back either." Ray comments.

Hiro rolls his eyes, "I'm soaked, can I come in?"

"Sure." Hiro comes inside.

"How come it's so dark in here?" Hiro asks.

"Powers out." Max answered.

"We were gonna tell stories…." Jordan said out of the blue.

"I have one about Tyson." Hiro said.

"Please tell!" Kenny says evilly.

FLASHBACK

Hiro was trying to get home as fast as he could cuz he broke his curfew again. He came through the front door to see his angry father looking right at him.

"I want you to go upstairs…and kill your brother!" his father growled dangerously.

"Right!...kill the fatso kill the fatso! Hee hee hee hee hee hee." Hiro answered sounding a lot like Igor relieved that he wasn't in trouble. He began to walk to the kitchen to get a sandwich. Tyson's dad walks upstairs to Tyson's room.

"Tyson, your brother's gonan shoot you in the face with a bazooka! He's always wanted to kill you Tyson, on the day we brought him home you said 'KILL IT!'" he leaves.

Hiro walks up to tyson's room to see a 7 year old Tyson with a reverse Mohawk.

"Tyson did you cut your hair?" He asked.

"I don't know!" Tyson whined stupidly.

Hiro sighed. "tyson think really hard, was your head with you all day?"

Tyson appeared to be thinking really hard. "well it almost disappeared down the toilet when you shoved me in it before you went to see that hoe." Tyson touched his face "hey it's still there!"

Hiro sighed again. "she isn't a hoe. Now listen carefully put your hands on your head and tell me what you feel."

Tyson does that "HAPPY!"

"On your head Tyson."

"There's no hair!"

"YES! Now why did you not tell me that in the first place!"

"I don't know!"

Hiro left the room.

"Did you kill him!" their dad asked.

"No."

"WHY NOT!"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

END FLASHBACK

"Wow…" Kenny commented.

Tyson who was very embarrassed by all this asked "why are you against me Kenny!"

"I'm not."

"YOU ARE! Well I'm gonna stick it to you!"

FLASHBACK….

Kenny is reading a fact card book "did you know there was such thing as a por-guess-cuse man of war?"

"yeah isn't that some dude in the army?" Tyson answers.

"No! it's a jelly fish!" Kenny is offended.

"Oh I see….Dad! wanna see a por-guess-cuse man of war!"

"Portuguese son." Tyson's dad answered.

"NO mr. tyson's dad sir! Por-guess-cuse!" Kenny yells.

"Portuguese."

"por-guess-cuse."

"It's Portuguese Kenny the president even says so."

LATER

They're watching the news.

"…and Portuguese man of wars are surprisingly increasing-"

"HA! IN YOUR FACE IN YOUR FACE!" Tyson and his dad yell.

END FLASHBACK

Max has a heart attack "KENNY GOT SOMETHING WRONG!"

"Hmm…I remember when I was a young boy…." Ray begins.

FLASHBACK

Ray Mariah Kevin Gary and Lee were in a large sandbox.

"shovel." Ray says. Gary hands him a shovel.

"C'mon you bunch of sissy girls! We'll never make it to Canada at this rate!" Lee yells.

'God he's like a goddamn slave driver!' Kevin thought.

"Gary hungry!" Gary grabs a handful of worms and puts it in his mouth.

"Gary that's gross!" Mariah yells as one crawls out of her mouth.

"Guys we have a problem." Ray states. They dug to the bottom of the sandbox.

"Man those Canadians really don't' want us to get in there huh?" Lee comments.

"Nope." Kevin answers. "Lets have lunch."

They go in to have lunch and come back.

"Well how are we gonna get past the wood?" Mariah asks.

"Kaboom?" Kevin asks holding a stick of dynamite.

"Ok…." Lee had his doubts.

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" ray yelled. The dynamite went off sand and oil shot 10ft in the air.

"what in the sam bloody fricking hell did you little shits do!" Ray's mother roared.

"It's my super soaker mom."

"Oh ok."

END FLASHBACK.

Jordan gets all teary eyed. "I tried digging to china!"

"Yay! Digging buddy!" Ray says.

"I remember a plane ride.

MAX'S FLASHBACK.

Max was on a plane. He walked up to a man

"I 4 years old! I 4 years old! I used to be tree but I 4 years old!" he did this most of the flight.

"Maxy get back here! Look at what you did to the poor man Maxy!" that was all max's mother said too, she drops Max in his seat.

"AAHH!"

"shut up max."

END FLSHBACK.

"That wasn't very funny." Kai said.

"I know but that's the only one I can remember I can't remember anything before regionals cuz my mom was abusive. That's why I had to live with my dad."

"Hn."

KAI'S FLASHBACK…

When kai and tala were in the abbey they were young and innocent….well not as innocent as you would like to think but they aren't as screwed up as they are now.

Kai and Tala were currently in Boris's office.

"kai I don't think it's in here!" Tala says oddly muffled holding up a shirt that says "I just got laid" and had a picture of a chicken.

"Just keep looking!" Kai pulls out a picture. "TALA LOOK AT THIS!" Tala comes ofer and sees what kai is yelling about. He looks and is horrified.

"Kai….is that-"

"I'm afraid it is." Kai answers holding a picture with them naked.

"He's sick."

"the pedophile."

"We should report this to the pope! The abbey is a church right?"

"I dunno."

A FEW DAYS LATER…

The Pope comes over to the abbey, he is greeted by our demonic duo.

"Hello 'your holiness' please be kind on the inspection in this church. The person who owns this place isn't all there. He molests everything that moves, is on multiple drugs, pyromaniac, and that's just a taste of what's wrong with him." Kai says.

"Please take me to this man who lost his way." The pope says.

So they make their way to Boris. When they do the pope throws a bucket of holy water on him and says "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!"

"What is the meaning of this!" boris growls dangerously.

"Hopefully you will find your way, child molester, pyromaniac, necrophilliac, Hitler worshiping pot smoker."

"I never did or have done any of those things."

"You touched me and you know it!" Kai yells

"I never touched you."

"then why do you have naked pictures of us!" Tala yells. Boris is speechless.

"How did you find those?"

"You took away my beyblade and I wanted revenge!" Tala answered.

"EVERYBODY FREEZE!" a police officer yells. They arrest Boris for 5 months.

END FLASHBACK

"Wow." Jordan comments. "Here's mine."

FLASHBACK

Jordan and Sesshomaru were never called their real names as kids. Instead it was Jesus ChristJordan, Damn itSesshomaru.

"Damn it would you get over here and Jesus Christ sit down!" their mom yelled.

Or another time was "Jesus Christ would you stop poking him and damn it would you get your finger out of your nose!"

And Jordan playing in the rain and her mother caught her…

"Damn it would you get in here!"

"But mommy! I'm Jesus Christ!"

END FLASHBACK

"Ok…your family scares me." Hilary says.

HILARY'S FLASHBACK

"I went over to the burger king!" she says in a high voice (she was on drugs and this is her narrorating in the past.)

"Then a man took a piece of meat and threw it on da grill! I said 'OH WOW!' then he flipped it over and it was all brown! I said 'OH NO!' then he put it between two pieces of bread and I said 'OH WOW!' she then pauses to laugh. "THEN A GUY ATE IT!"

END FLASHBACK…

"I knew you were on drugs at some point!" Tyson yelled triumphantly.

"Hilary you scare me." Hiro said.

The power went back on…

"LIGHT! LIGHT!" Max hided behind the couch. "IT'S EVERYWHERE AND IT BURNS!'

"Oh…hey I have another flashback!"

FLASHBACK…

Jordan and Daemon were in gym class. They ran their laps…someone fell down.

"Hey Baileigh skidded!" Daemon yelled. He then tripped over his foot. "I SKIDDED!" Jordan was laughing.

"SUGAR HIGH! TOO MUCH PEPSIS!" the 3 yelled in unison.

They were now doing stretches.

There was a large crack…

"Owww! I cracked my ass!" Daemon yelled.

"What?" Baileigh asked.

"I CRACKED MY ASS A BONE IN MY ASS!"

"we really have weird conversations." Jordan commented.

Now they were playing OMNIKIN.

"Baileigh we dare you to tackle someone." Jordan said.

"Why are you two against me? Who do I tackle!"

"SIMON!" Jordan and Daemon yell at the same time.

"What?" he asks looking over at them.

"Hi!" Baileigh gushed. Simon turned his head back to his friends. "I'm gonna bash your skulls together." She muttered.

So they all divided into teams.

"Omnikin Grey!" another team hit the ball. Baileigh tried getting out of the way and Simon was trying to get the ball. CRASH! The two collided. Baileigh fell on top of Simon.

Jordan sniffed "my little baby's growing up."

"yeah but she's older than you and I'm older than her." Daemon commented.

"Do you really wanna get hit?"

"No." she hit him anyway.

END FLASHBACK!

"Oh hey trailer park boys is on!" Ray says.

Baileigh walks into the room

"Hey everyone." She says smiling.

"Hi Baileigh." Everyone says.

"Who's Simon?" Tyson asked.

"Simon?" Baileigh asked blushing and looking around.

"Yeah simon!" Tyson yelled.

"What? We fell! JORDAN!"

"hahaha….yeah?"

"You're evil! You said you wouldn't!...that's it…" she pulls out an eggbeater. "HA HA HA HAAA!"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Everyone screams.

The end! Well I'll try to update soon but I have no ideas for the next chappie. Oh well. Ja ne.


	18. super bladebreakers

Chapter 17

Super blade breakers

(Looks at all the angry people mobbing at her house) uh...I'm very sorry for not updating in so long, but I had writers block for a while and well I'm kinda ripping off family guy and x-men for the idea though I trying to be original for almost everything else. Well I better get started

Disclaimer: I don't own beyblade, X-men (trademark by Marvel comics), I don't even own the candy involved, that was Joel's lol.

It was a calm summer day on Mulberry lane, people were having water fights and planting gardens and doing things that normal people did...except for the blade breakers. They were all sitting on their asses watching re-runs of the same TV shows. (my theory is that Kai's afraid of sunlight cuz he's a vampire but...) so the people had nothing to fear from them. A toxic waste truck was driving down the lane.

"5 bucks says I can do a wheelie!" the driver said.

"Dude you're so on!" the passenger says. So the driver does a wheelie and the toxic waste compartment falls off the truck right into the blade breakers yard. Everyone comes running out.

"What is it?" Max asks.

"Radio active toxic sludge." Jordan and Kenny say in unison.

"Radio factory boxes of fudge!" Tyson yells.

"NO!" everyone yelled but it was too late. Tyson opened the faucet and since the pressure was to high it exploded and got all over everyone.

"Good going numbskull." Kai growled.

"Kenny! Your head!" Ray yelled. Kenny's head had grown larger.

"Huh?" Kenny asked. 'I wonder if I can move that tree?' Kenny thought. The tree ripped out of the ground. 'now fly at kai.' The tree flies full speed at Kai. He puts his arms out and the tree catches fire and combusts to ash right at Kai's feet.

Max in curiosity ran over faster than you can blink. Tyson ran and lifted the toxic truck right off the yard.

"Hilary! Hilary! Look behind you!" Jordan sniggered. Hilary did. She had a fluffy rabbit's tail. "Shut up."

"I'm trying! But it hurts so much! And you look ridiculous!" Jordan fell over. Hilary threw mud at her but it went through her and hit a bush right behind her.

Ray disappeared instead there was a bum sitting there holding a sign saying 'I can shape shift.'

"Wow! We all got powers from that sludge!" max says.

"And as captain...I ORDER YOU TO GO NUTS AND WRECK HAVOC ALL OVER THIS HELL HOLE!" Kai has his psycho moment.

Ray the bum comes over "Food for the poor?"

(I did ask people this at a mall once cuz I was sitting on the floor with my hat out and people gave me change...i was bored waiting for my mom to come out of the store.)

"Not in this life time." Tyson says whacking Ray on the head. He changes back.

"We really shouldn't hit him, he'll lose the half a brain cell he has left." Hilary says.

THE NEXT DAY...

"hey! Hey! Ask me how George bush is doing!" max asks.

"How's-" Kenny began Max disappeared only to re appear right then.

"not so good." Max answers.

"It's my turn to get groceries today." Ray says.

"I'll come too." Tyson says.

So they go outside.

"Dude where's our car!" Tyson yelled.

"I don't know!"

"I don't wanna walk to the store!"

"I have an idea." Ray transforms into a car.

"Sweet!" so they're off.

Jordan walked outside and opened the garage door, started the car and parked it on the driveway. "retards." She mumbled.

Tyson and Ray made it to the store, got the groceries and were on their way back. They were at a red light.

"Hey I got an idea!" Tyson says.

"a miracle has happened." Ray mumbles. Tyson gets out of Ray 'the car.' And picks him up runs through the traffic then as soon as he's past the one set of traffic lights he goes in another and gets back in 'Ray the car' just to see the light turn red.

Max was walking around the town he saw a kid about to get a pixie stick and he uses his speed to steal it in a blink of an eye. He also realizes he can't be seen so he steals all the candy in the store. He eats the candy and is now currently zooming around the world in a green and orange blur.

Kai was in the town square "YOU WILL ALL BURN IN HELL!" kai goes on a pyromaniac frenzy.

Hilary was fluffing up her tail and eating carrots. Then she grew ears. "Sweet."

Kenny was working on his latest beyblade invention. He was sucking on lemonade while doing everything with his psychic powers.

Jordan was walking around town invisible, pantsing people and doing pranks and running through things, a ghostly terror. After being plagued by the super blade breakers for 2 months, our very slow town decided to have a meeting about it.

"I have called you all here to discuss on how we are gonna destroy the blade breakers." The mayor said.

"NOO!" someone yelled.

"Someone knock out that rabid fan girl." The mayor ordered. Someone does with a trank gun.

"there's no more candy in town!" a child complains.

"An invisible terror is haunting us!" another said.

"It's my cat! It said so!"

"What?" everyone looks at the woman who said it.

"My cat said it had abnormal powers and was out to rule the world." The lady said.

"Ok...well...i'm a close friend of someone who has nuclear arms, we're gonna murderalize those brats and make them wish they never came to this town." The mayor said.

"But how are we gonna survive when they hit? Won't the nuclear weapons kill us as well?" some geek asked.

"I'm gonna look for the magic barrier cookie in the land of the town next door." The mayor stopped as the front half of the city hall crumbled to the ground then out of the rubble stepped out the blade breakers. Ray was transformed as a giant form of himself.

"We'd love to see you try that." Kenny said.

"You don't look so fierce...I know! You're the playboy bunny!" Some guy said to Hilary who as soon as he said it, whacked him with her tail. "HELP! I'M ALLERGIC TO RABBITS!"

"You just watch me." The mayor said as he left. It soon cuts to the mayor in the hospital.

"You have AIDS and cancer. Probably from you being attacked by that hooker and that drug dealer when you tried stealing their 'Tim Horton's' cookie. Just what were you trying to prove out there?" the doctor asked.

"I don't know." The mayor answered. The door opened and the blade breakers walked in.

"Dude we heard what happened and we feel bad." Kenny said.

"And we're gonna do everything in our power to help you get better. Kai heat up his cocoa." Jordan orders. Kai gave her a withering look before he put the tip of his finger on the cup and it immediately began to boil.

"I'll go to the US to see if there's a cure." He flickered. "Nope."

"It's alright I'll get better as long as I have Jessica Simpson's gigantic plastic hooters by my side."

Everyone turns to Ray the tit. Jordan smacks him.

"Sick man." Almost everyone says.

Eventually the mayor got over the cancer but still had AIDS. Though everything turned out for the better.

END.

Wow, sorry for the short chapter! I just thought I had to get this up but I guarantee the next chapter is going to be better! "the blade breakers go camping!" and everyone is coming. Including Baileigh her younger brothers and Daemon. (and this is based on the 2 camping trips I've been on in the summer so if it's based off of my experiences then you know it's gonna be good.) REVIEW!


	19. camping

Hilarious beyblade stories

Camping

Uh sorry for taking so long to update again………..(My bad) well anyway, I was being lazy then had so much to do that I didn't even consider writing for a long time….but I'm writing more now. Well hope you like this chapter!

Disclaimer: don't own beyblade (no surprises)

It was a bright summer day at the blade breaker residence.

"Let's go camping!" max says.

"That's a good idea max." Jordan agrees.

"Yeah it is! We can get out of the house for a few days!" Ray says.

"NO!" everyone else says.

"I have allergies!" Kenny yells.

"There's never enough food!" Tyson says.

"West nile!" Hilary adds.

"Hmph." Kai said.

"Camping huh? Sounds like a good idea to me." A voice said.

Everyone turned to the window where Daemon and Baileigh were looking in.

"We'll come!" daemon said.

"Then it's settled, we leave in 4 days!" Jordan said.

"Uh…is it alright if I bring my younger brothers?" Baileigh asked. Jordan and daemon look horrified.

"Yes." Hilary sighed.

4 days went by slowly. But it was finally the day.

Everyone went to a camping place called old's bay. They pitched up 2 tents. One small one for the girls and 1 really big tent for the guys. Then they made a fire and they were all sitting around it.

Tyson was eating popcorn. A very cute little squirrel crept over to where Tyson was eating the popcorn and stole one. Tyson tried yanking it away but the squirrel held onto it like it's first born son

(AN: I think this is a sexist comment but oh well)

"Tyson just let the squirrel have the damn popcorn." Kai said.

"yeah before it-" jesse began

"OOUUCCHH!" Tyson roared.

"Bites you." Jesse finished.

"What a retard." Baileigh says. Brayden was laughing (baileigh's 3 year old brother)

"He funny see-see." Brayden says.

"Man that squirrel got you good." Hilary said. Mopping up the everlasting pool of blood. Finally she got the bandage on.

"Brayden is being abnormally good today." Jordan commented.

"That's because Daemon's here today. He's his new role model." Baileigh answers.

"Just when we thought the kid couldn't get any worse."

"What?" daemon asked.

"Never mind." Both girls say.

"So far…I haven't had one reaction." Kenny comments to himself.

Jesse and Max who became fast friends werer whispering in low voices. Then they run for a yellow bicycle that jesse hopped on and began to pedal.

"that ass's stealing my bike!" Daemon roared. He tried running over there but was stopped by the blonde menace max. Ray ran over around a tree and pulled Jesse off the bike.

"Got im!" Ray said.

"Good." He walks over "What am I gonna do with you…"

"Hang him by his underwear on the water tap." Kai said. So daemon hung him by his shorts on the water tap and turned it on.

Brayden came over and whacked him hard on the leg. "dats wat you ged for stealin daemie's bike!"

"Lets make supper." Hilary says.

"yeah I'm starving." Tyson says shoving a handful of popcorn in his mouth

So now it was supper…..

"roasting TV dinners over the fire…..great….." Kai mumbled sarcastically

"It'll be great!" max pauses "but seriously why TV dinners."

Jordan looms over him "You will eat anything I cook for you unquestioned got it?"

Max cowers in fear "Yes mam."

"Should we get Jesse down now?" Ray asks.

"Yeah I think the pipsqueak has learned his lesson." Baileigh says.

After supper……..

It was now very late….even the owls were asleep.

"lets play a game." Daemon said.

"How about triominos?" Kenny asked.

"Ok." Everyone agreed. So the got the nerdy game out.

"The rules are that you have to match 2 out of the 3 numbers on the pieces and both of the numbers have to match." Kenny said "oh and then you have to multiply the 2 highest numbers on YOUR triangle."

So they play

5x525 so I'll have 40 HA! I passed Daemon!" max said.

"You poop stain." Jordan matches up a 4 and a 2. there were two 4s on her block.

"So I'll get 16 and my total is 39!" Jordan says.

"Poop stain." Daemon says.

A few more rounds.

Hilary max and Tyson and Kenny fell asleep so they were disqualified.

And the scores were as followed.

Ray-90

Kai-80

Jesse-78

Jordan-69

Daemon-65

Baileigh-60

Then they decided to go to bed.

The next day………

Baileigh Jordan and Hilary were making breakfast. Kai max Kenny and daemon went to get wood and Jesse and Ray were just waking up.

"Brayden go wake up Jesse and the scary kitty." Baileigh says. Brayden runs off.

5 min later…..

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! HELP! NO! DON'T-AAAAAHHHHHHHH! OWWW!" Ray and Jesse's voices were heard yelling.

Hilary Jordan and Baileigh were giggling as Jordan got her videocamera and walked to the tent. Brayden was pummelling the crap out of Jesse and Ray. Ray mostly. Jordan got to the door, opened it and began to film.

"Did you send that devil to kill us?" Jesse growled

"Hehe, no,well…..yes." Hilary laughed.

"Why do you have a camera? Is it on?" Jesse asked

"Yep and I'm filming 2 sissys getting pummelled by a 3 year old." Jordan says.

"YOU'RE WHAT!" ray roared as brayden power drived him

now everyone was laughing except for ray. Even brayden was laughin. Ray finally in a rage wrapped his legs around Jesse and pulled him into the fighting circle.

"HAIRY LEGS! HAIRY LEGS!" jesse yelled. After a few minutes…

"well I pretty much got the majority of it. Lets go." Jordan says.

They meet the others.

"What's going on in there?" Kenny asks. He points at the rocking tent.

"Sounds like they're having and orgy." Tyson comments. Everyone looks at him.

"We're not!" Jesse yells.

"Time to die Tyson!" Ray runs out only in boxers and starts to chase Tyson. It was funny to watch and they earned a lot of looks from fellow campers

"Ray! As your captain I order you to get some clothes on!" kai yells.

That night………

"2 more days." Baileigh sighed. There was loud crashing outside their tent.

"What was that?" Hilary asked.

"Probably a bear." Jordan grunted sleepily into her pillow.

"OMG!A BEAR! WE'RE DEAD!" Hilary fainted

"Bring it on bear! I'll clobber you!"

"ROAR!" something smacked the tent.

"AAAAHHHH!" Hilary woke up to hear the others screaming

"All fear daemon!" he roared as he walked away. They could seen hear laughing from the boy's tent

"They're gonna pay." Baileigh Jordan and hillary say.

So our 3 girls began their planning. Some of the ideas were castration, makeovers (Jordan freaked out), throwing brayden in their tent cuz he was sleeping with the girls, and a few other sick and twisted ideas. But eventually they decided to get some frogs that roamed around the lake and throw them in their tent. They smirked as loud screaming and colourful swear words came from the tent who knew Kenny could swear?

The next day passed without so much happening because everyone was so pissed at eachother.

The last day……..

"Isn't there a legend of the fat ass killer bear?" Jesse asks.

"Yep." Everyone else says.

"Do you think we'll see it?" Max asks.

"You're looking at him." Kai states pointing at Tyson.

"Hey!" Tyson yells.

Later……..

They just finished packing the last of their things when a bear popped out of the bushes.

"It's the fat ass killer bear!" Daemon pointed out. For it's ass was 2x the width of its body.

"Let's sacrifice Tyson!" kai yelled.

"or Hilary!" ray added.

"Or lets just get the hell out of here!" Kenny screamed. And they drove off and made it home.

The end.

And thank goodness. Just kidding. I hope I get lots of nice reviews….(sigh) so tired. I have no idea what the next chapter's gonna be so if it's something really weird blame that on lack of sleep. Well see ya!

Sakura sama 101 signing off!


	20. Horror marathon

_Sorry for not updating again…by now you guys are probably used to it…so yeah now I'm just gonna get on with the fic and I got this idea from silver-diamond-eyes. Uh I know I stray off a little bit in this one so bear with me, I was pretty much half asleep when writing this cuz I'd only have time for this when I woke up. Oh and by the way…my opinion of horror movies is pretty different from most peeps that I know, most of the movies that I mention I luv to watch but most people don't, except for aliens resurrection, and I also put crappy movies in there for comic relief lol _

_DUDES WE GOT OVER 4000 HITS YOU ALL ROX MY SOX! AND I FORGIVE THE LACK OF REVIEWS!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own beyblade never will. _

Chapter 20 I think…

Horror marathon

"so Tyson, what did we learn today?" Hilary asked.

"Don't lick the beaters while the blender's still running." Tyson shot back slightly distorted cause he was holding some Kleenex on the tip of his tongue.

"You're lucky your tongue didn't get ripped off." Ray commented.

Yep…another day… 

"Should we take him to the doctor?" Jordan asked.

"He'll be fine." Kai answered.

Another normal day… 

"It's starting to feel better. It's just a scratch." Tyson brushed it off.

"If you say so. Hey is the cake done yet?" Max asked.

With the blade breakers… 

"Almost." Kenny looked at the timer.

Oh goodie… 

All of them were sitting in the kitchen. Jordan and Hilary wanted to bake something so they did. Tyson was more of a hindrance than help.

"Ok…I think it's done." Jordan ran over and took the cake out. (she had oven mits on) she then put on whipped cream.

"It's a Tuesday today and there's crap all for TV so what should we do today?" Ray asked.

"Train." Kai answered.

"NOOO!" Tyson, Max, Ray and Jordan yelled.

"I think that's a great idea, there is a tournament coming up." Kenny says.

Tyson, Jordan, Ray and Max were in a group huddle then the quickly whispered to eachother and turned to the others.

"Yeah we'll train if you do something with us in return." Max said.

"What is it?" Hilary groaned.

"that's a surprise." Jordan answers.

"Fine." Kenny said.

Training….

"this sucks." Jordan growled as she launched her blade.

"I know." Ray sighed as he launched his blade. "Driger!"

"Midoriko!" Jordan yelled. Both blades crashed into eachother.

"Gatling claw!"

"Pure phoenix flame!" both blades collided and both were sent out of the dish.

"Good match. Another tie." Ray said.

"Yeah you too."

"30 laps around the yard." Kai ordered. So they all began the laps. Half way around the first lap Tyson collapsed. Kai grabbed a whip and walked towards them, the others shocked out of their senses ran faster. By the time training was done Tyson collapsed, Max was acting normal instead of on sugar, and Ray and Jordan were worn out. Hilary was tanning and Kenny ran up to them.

"Guys I've just finished your upgrades on your beyblades for the tournament next weekend."

"Thanks chief." Ray took his.

"Yah greatly appreciated." Max said.

"Sweet job chief." Tyson added. Jordan was too tired to say anything but the sparkle in her eyes and the big grin on her face was thanks enough.

Once everyone had a small break….

"So what do we have to do with you guys?" Hilary asked again

"Watch horror movies with us." Tyson answered.

"You all know the rules, no chickening out and stuff or else severe penalties." Max added seeing the scared looks on Kenny and Hilary's faces.

"The first movie is mine." Tyson says. "child's play."

"Good choice." Ray says. So they begin watching it.

"Seriously? THIS is chuckie?" Kenny asks.

"Yep." Max answered.

"Shouldn't it be more you know…gorey?"

"You wait…" Hilary was biting her nails.

Later…

Kenny was clutching Tyson and buried his head in the cushion. "Is it over yet?" he moaned.

"Now it is." Kai growled.

"Ok next movie is freddy vs Jason." Hilary announced.

"You've got to be joking me hil! We made Jordan's 8 year old brother watch it. He didn't even flinch!" Tyson commented.

"You made an eight year old watch this!" Hilary shrieked.

"Yep. Well lets watch it I guess, maybe we can get a few cheap laughs while we're at it." Jordan says. All Hilary could do was scowl. The show passed by really fast.

"That show's kitty compared to my show." Ray says.

"What is it?" Max asked.

"The ring." Ray answered. And so the movie began and somewhere in the middle…

"I'm gonna get some popcorn." Ray left. And he hasn't come back for a while now…

"Hmm…I wonder what's taking Ray so long?" Tyson wonders. Hilary an Kenny are creeped out when suddenly a voice behind them spoke in a harsh whisper…

"what's the matter? It looks as though you've seen a ghost…."

"AAAAHHHH!" Everyone except Kai and Jordan screamed. There was a stranger who had long black hair covering its face and clothing. It was tense for a few moments "Ha ha! Got ya!" it took some of its hair out of its face.

"Dude who are you!" Tyson asked.

"It's ray you dumb ass!" Hilary answered. Ray didn't have his headband or his hair tye on.

"Hey Ray …did I tell you that you look like human Inuyasha when you do that?" Jordan asked.

"No."

"The movie…" Kenny tried reminding everyone. When the movie ended…

"Next is the grudge." Max says popping it in.

"child's play.' Jordan says.

"It's the grudge Jordan pay attention." Kai says.

"I meant it's not scary." Jordan answered. Pretty soon they were done that show too.

"Well I brought Jurassic park…" Kenny offered.

"A classic, but Kenny, do you think this show is scary?" Tyson asked.

"Yeah why?" Kenny answered.

"This is my 5 year old cousin's favourite show." Hilary commented. But they watched it anyway.

"Kai you're next." Max said.

"Here." Kai handed over a video.

"Alien resurrection. A classic." Ray comments.

"Dude even I get the heebee jeebies from that show. I like Call she's awesome." Jordan added.

So they watched that show but had many interruptions cause of kenny6 fainting and Hilary throwing up.

"Well…I really couldn't really find any good shows but cursed is a horror comedy." Jordan explained.

So they watched it.

"Thank god…finally! HOLY SHIT IT'S 2:00! I NEED BEAUTY SLEEP!" Hilary yelled.

_And that ends our tale…well anyway next up is the tournament, what do the blade breakers do at a tournament? Well read and find out…hopefully I can update this soon………just bear with me…I need reviews. So review pretty please?_


	21. beyblade tournament

_Whoops but I had my reasons for not updating. I only got 1 freaking review for the last chapter and I was uber pissed for a long time…but thanks tati for reviewing. so yes now that I'm not mad anymore I will get on with my chapter. _

_Warnings: extreme corniness I think. And possible racism….(I'm not racist…Ray is I swear.)_

_Disclaimer: I don't own beyblade. _

After being on break for so long, Tyson, Ray, Max and Jordan didn't particularly care for slipping back into their BBA world circuit routine…which meant being woken up at the crack of dawn in some unheard of sadistic way by either Kai/Kenny and/or Hilary. Jordan probably had it worst off since Hilary had been screaming at her the same time Kai grabbed the mattress and flipped it and her over. The others woke up to her colourful comments being screamed throughout the house.

"My virgin ears!" Max moaned.

Yes…this was the day of the big tournament.

Now everyone was sitting at the table moodily munching on breakfast while half-heartedly listening to Hilary giving a warning about showing their abnormal-ness to the whole nation.

"Is the bus here yet?!" Tyson asked spraying food everywhere. Something honking answered his question. After yelling, things falling downstairs and Max forgetting his beyblade…3 times they were all on the bus and on the road.

"Hey? Where's Tyson?" Ray asked. Tyson was running behind them.

"STOP THE BUS!!" Hilary screeched. The driver slammed on the beaks…Hilary went through the windshield and Tyson ran into the bus.

"Oh wow." Jordan sighed amazed that Hilary still didn't learn about the seat belt lesson. She then realized that there were no seat belts. "Oh shit."

Kenny meanwhile was about ready to have an aneurysm. 'Not even 5 minutes in! We're so screwed!! There's a Tyson shaped dent in the bumper and a hole in the windshield!'

"OMFG!!" Max yelled "DO IT AGAIN!!"

Kenny sighed 'yep we're screwed.'

They puled up to seaside dome, the very same place where the bladebreakers were formed.

The tournament was a large fundraiser and the best of the best were there, you could count on all the teams being there…Jordan, Mariah and Emily teamed up and killed Ming-Ming so BEGA was 1 member short.

But now the stadium is loaded and the teams are getting ready.

"Hello and welcome to seaside dome for one dandy of a match up, this is brad best alongside AJ topper at this superb fundraiser.

"yes…while we're waiting for the teams to get ready we're eating some breakfast." AJ says.

"Yes, we're cereal killers." Brad puns.

"Oh god."

In the blade breakers room…

"Aww come on hil! You've said this a thousand times today!" Tyson moaned.

"That's because everything I say goes in one ear and goes out the other with you guys!" Hilary snapped.

"What was that?" Tyson asked curious.

"AAARRRGGGHHH!!" Hilary roared.

"Ok guys, it's us vs. the white tigers." Kenny informs. They go down to their bench.

"Ok, I didn't really have a game plan. Since we've beaten these guys so much it really doesn't matter who we send in…we'll win anyway." Kai stated. "You know what to do."

Max pulled out a knife. "He meant rock-paper-scissors dummy." Ray sighed. They all put their hands in. Jordan had rock as well as ray, Kai and Max had paper and Tyson had scissors.

"Uh…how do we decide who wins?" Jordan asked. Kenny just shrugged. "Then I'll go."

Jordan walked up to the stadium and was met by Mariah. "Well Jordo…time to get things started." Mariah says putting her blade on her launcher.

"May the best gal win pinkie." Jordan said doing the same.

"The blade breakers have sent in Jordan who has a style that changes with each match fought with her powerful bitbeast Midoriko at her side." Brad says.

"Now lets check out Jordan's opponent. You've gotta watch out for Mariah cause you never know when she's gonna strike you with her bitbeast Gallux and when she does it's game over." AJ added.

"alright players take your positions and get ready for battle!" DJ jazzman says. They're battling in a normal dish. "Players get ready to launch! 3-2-1 let it rip!!"

Jordan and Mariah launched.

"Gallux attack!" Mariah yelled. The pink blade zoomed for the white one and started ramming it.

"And a quick attack by Mariah catches Jordan off guard." Brad commentates.

"But Jordan quickly recovered and is fighting back!" AJ says as both blades grind eachother.

"Come on Jordan!" Tyson cheered.

"You can do it!" Max added.

"Each match is sudden death and each team gets 3 matches. If you get two out of three you move on to the next match." DJ explained.

"Midoriko! Pure flame attack!" Jordan yelled. Midoriko came out of the blade and was shrouded in purple flame.

"two can play at that game! Gallux, cat scratch attack!!" Mariah shouted. Gallux came ot and both blades were on a head on collision course, both blades collided with purple and pink light as Midoriko was pushing away Gallux with her bow and Gallux was trying to scratch Midoriko. They both fell back and came at eachother again, this time when they collided a dust cloud was formed.

"We'll have to wait till the smoke clears in order to find out who wins." Brad says. The dust began to clear.

"And the winner is…JORDAN from the bladebreakers!" AJ says.

"Now for the next match…Ray Vs. Lee!" DJ jazzman says. Ray pulled out a win with some difficulty and now it was the next round. Blade breakers Vs. the All starz.

"Ok…tyson should go in first." Kenny says.

"Where is that Tyson!! I gave him 5 so he'd stop complaining about how hungry he was and now its his turn to go up!!" Hilary roared.

"Shut up hil. I'm coming!!" Tyson's voice was heard, slightly muffled. Since he had a pizza sub and a corndog and who knows what else in his mouth.

"Who knew 5 could buy so much." Ray pointed at the large amount of food in tyson's arms. Everyone grabbed something.

"Tyson you're up." Kai said coldly.

"Right! Now watch as I pull out a win with Dragoon!" Tyson went up to the beystadium with a corndog in hand.

"Alright! Our next match up is Tyson Vs. Emily!! Tyson's an all out attack kind of blader and with Dragoon most matches are a breeze!" Aj says.

"Emily is a more conserved blader, with her artificial bitbeast Trigator she smashes her way to victory." Brad says.

"Warriors take your positions! 3-2-1 let it rip!" DJ said. Both players launched.

"Tyson how do you expect to beat me when you have a corndog in your cornhole?" Emily taunted.

"Mmmph!" Tyson answered both blades collided and began to smash eachother. Tyson swallowed. "get her dragoon!"

Dragoon came out and there was a tornado. "Dragoon's taking down the house! Emily has herself in a fix!" brad says. "And my dogone knee's flaring up!"

"Whatever Brad." AJ sighs. The two blades were crashing eachother.

"This is just a breeze! Prepare to lose Tyson!" Emily taunted. Both blades came at eachother and both bitbeasts were out, they collided and totally trashed the dish and by some ill will a piece of rubble hit dragoon and it stopped spinning.

"And Emily from the all starz wins!" DJ jazzman says.

"Tough luck Tyson." Max says as he left for the dish.

Half n hour later…

"Next is Blade breakers VS Majestics!" DJ jazzman says.

Ray starts praying "Please don't let it be me don't let it be me!"

"Ray from the blade breakers VS-"

"damn it! Don't let it be the Italian!"

"Enrique!"

"Is that the Italian? Ok Oliver is French, Johnny is scotish, Roger is Scandinavian or something…damn it!" Ray yelled out. He walked to the beystadium to face the blond haired kid on the other end of the beystadium.

Now you're all probably wondering why Ray hates Enrique, actually all the blade breaker boys minus Kenny and possibly Kai never forgot their first encounter of meeting Enrique.

FLASHBACK!!

The blade breakers were in Rome, following a map. Jordan left to get hotel rooms; while they went to his house. After that was done Jordan went to look for the others, or the meeting place. After meeting and losing Enrique they found Jordan waiting for them at a fountain.

"So did you find him?" she asked.

"the creep doesn't want anything to do with us. We'll keep looking and convince him to blade with us." Tyson answered.

"I don't know, he was a bit of a character to put it gently." Max said.

"Tyson's right! How are we supposed to prepare for the Russian tournament if we don't familiarize ourselves with the different levels/techniques of euro beybladers?" Kenny added.

"Exactly, plus I didn't dig that he was laughing at me." Tyson added.

"Guys…I'm just gonna go to the washroom…that truck ride there didn't help. I'll be right back." Jordan left. "Be back in a flush!" it was silent for 5 minutes.

"I wonder what kinds of talents make him a beyblade master." Max commented.

"The talent of ignoring amateurs like you get wise already. Enrique is just not interested." Kai said.

"what makes you so smart?" Tyson asked.

"Seen it before."

"Oh that's right you're the big beyblade know-it-all."

"You said it." Kai retorted.

Before they could argue more they heard Jordan say "sorry not interested."

"wait! Give me a chance! The name's Enrique, can I have your number? You're really cute." Enrique had an arm around her waist.

"Eyes up here pal." Jordan caught his wandering eyes. "and hands off!" she pried his hand off he as it was going lower.

"I'm sorry but you're irresistible-" before he could finish Ray pulled Jordan away and Kai and Tyson grabbed Enrique from behind.

"Alright lover boy! I won't forgive those who harass my teammate, damn her for being hot!" Tyson said.

"Whoa whoa! You're on his team?!" Enrique said. Jordan nodded. 2 other girls came over and latched themselves to Enrique.

'what a fricken player!' Jordan though outraged.

"Well ciao! We're going on a special date today!" Enrique began to leave.

"Hey! we're going to bey battle! Whether you like it or not!" Tyson yelled. Enrique and the girls continued to walk. "Fight me! Or maybe you're scared?!"

'or stoned.' Jordan glumly thought

END FLASHBACK!!

Ray got ready to launch as well as Enrique. Ray held back a chuckle at seeing Enrique in his battle armour.

"Warriors are you ready? 3-2-1 let it rip!" DJ jazzman hollered. Both bladders launched.

"Alright Driger! Lets make this quick! Gatling claw!" Ray yelled. Driger cackled with green electricity and went for the other blade. The other one dodged.

"You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat! Amphilyon! Attack!"

"We're in for an interesting match!" AJ says. Enrique's blade doubled and Amphilyon's two heads began to attack Ray's blade.

'I remember Tyson's battle with Enrique, he confused the two heads. But it probably won't work this time.' Driger was using his speed to avoid the never-ending flow of attacks. Now there were 5 blades on enrique's side. "Driger now!" the blade zoomed from one head to the other then back again, both heads followed then when they were hypnotized with a great burst of speed he knocked the blade out of the dish.

An hour later…

"Dranzer! Flame saber now!" kai yelled.

"Wolbourg! Nova ray!" tala ordered (I can't remember what Tala's attack was…my bad)

"I've often wondered…wolbourg is a wolf so what does a woman have to do with it? Who is she?" Jordan asked. The others shrugged. Even Kenny. Jordan looked downcast. Both blades crashed and fire and snow spiralled around the crowd.

"when it's fire against Ice, fire always wins." Kai answered. And sure enough Tala's blade was knocked out.

Bladebreakers win! They win the tournament!" DJ announced.

"thank goodness! We might have redeemed ourselves to Mr. D!" Kenny says.

END!

_Well don't count on an update soon…my dog had 9 puppies so I've been puppy sitting for the last month…that was also half the reason I didn't update so soon this chapter too…I'm still open to requests if you have any. Next chapter is blade breakers meet foamy the squirrel!! Requested by another authoress/author, who's name I'll mention next chapter!!_


	22. Foamy the squirrel

_I'm sorry about not updating for so long…I've been busy, well this chapter is for EranthyaeNoire who requested this. I have nothing else to say other than…DON'T KILL ME!!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade or Foamy the squirrel. _

_Warnings: if any of you have watched foamy the squirrel then you know there will be an abnormal amount of swearing, I have tried to cut down, but not enough to make Foamy OOC!! Just to let the sensitive ones know. And I also feel that I may have kinda…done a bad job on this…so yah… . _

The bladebreakers were watching TV and Jordan sat in front of the computer. It was like that, occasionally the gang laughed at what was on TV.

Or in Jordan's case said something like "Hate mail…instant reply…Fuck you!"

"Jordan how do you expect people that hate you to start to like you when you reply like that?" Max asked.

"Well they all think they're my therapists see.. 'Dear Jordan, jump off a cliff and die. You're a bad influence on the team and you should disappear off the face of the earth.' Well if I want a fucking therapist I'll go see Dr. Phill. I'm so typing that!"

"It's still childish to reply that way." Hilary said. "Most professionals ignore it."

"I'm still a child…I'm not an adult yet, I'm 15." Jordan answered.

"You could **try** to be mature." Hilary shot back.

"It's hopeless to try, she's warped beyond repair." Kai commented.

"Like you're any better you anti-social bastard." Jordan retorted.

"Jordan, is your G-string too tight or are you PMSing?" Tyson asked. Jordan just stared at Tyson like he was some sot of disease and punched hi in the head on the way to her room.

"Should've kept your mouth shut." Ray said. Jordan meanwhile retreated to her room where a laptop was on her bed. She opened it up to check her mail in peace. She got one from EranthyaeNoire, saying something about an Internet show called Foamy the squirrel and a site address. Intrigued she clicked on the link and went to the site. The others downstairs could only hear wild cackles of laughter.

"Max did you put sugar in her room again?" Kenny asked. Max shook his head. They continued to watch cops. Later when it was supper they were all at the table.

"Foamy the squirrel rules." Jordan informed.

"Foamy the squirrel?" Everyone else asked.

"Sounds like he has rabies." Ray said. (That was my mom's reaction to the name)

"He doesn't and he's really funny…**he knows all!!**" Jordan said. After supper Jordan dragged them to the computer and they watched foamy the squirrel. They chuckled and Kai halfway through declared it was a waste of time and left. Soon they left and went to bed.

Jordan rolled over in her bed, a voice that sounded like someone swallowed a lot of air at once (really high pitched) shout "Wake up! Hello? Are you dead?! Wake the fuck up!"

Jordan jumped up. "Ohayo Kenny." Jordan didn't see the midget anywhere then saw foamy beside her. "Oh what are you doing here?" Jordan stretched, some of the bones poking out of her body.

"How the hell should I know? I just woke up! Maybe Germaine (I hope that's her name) casted a spell and sent me here." Foamy answered.

Ray stepped in rubbing his eyes. "Whom are you talking to?" Ray asked. He took his hands away from his eyes and saw foamy.

"Ah! CAT!!" Foamy jumped under Jordan's blankets.

"This wasn't me I swear." Jordan said stepping out of bed to Ray. Foamy immediately perched on her shoulder. They walked down to the kitchen. The others barely paid them any attention as they sat down to eat some cocoa puffs.

"Good ol' cocoa puffs." Tyson said pouring them in a bowl.

"You'd love them too fatty." Foamy said.

"I'm not fat just pleasantly plump hi-holy shit it's foamy!" Tyson said

"Yes it's me THE LORD AND MASTER…foamy." Foamy answered. "lets watch some TV!" Foamy zoomed off and they heard him turn on the TV. "Fuck you." Foamy turned the channel after they heard the phrase '2 thumbs up' "yeah I'll give you a frickin finger." Then they heard him change the channel again. "Stupid reality TV shows."

"So how do we deal with a hyperactive pessimistic squirrel?" Max asked.

"We wait for him to disappear." Kai said over his cup of coffee.

"I'm so bored." Tyson said.

"Exercise fatty!" Foamy called.

"I want to eat some fast food." Ray said.

"Maybe later." Kenny said.

1 hour later…

"Hey where's foamy?" Hilary asked. Everyone shrugged. "We better go look for him." Everyone sighed and began their search for Foamy, barely even 5 minutes later Foamy walked in through the front door.

"Alright fatty, I took a blood sample of yours to the doctor and he left me a dos and don'ts list to give to you since your cholesterol has hit the world record fatty."

"My name's Tyson! Not fatty!"

"Alright here's what you can't do; no eating 3rd helpings and above, no binging, no manslaughter, no national geographic, no gambling, no sword fights with samurais" Foamy paused to change into some of grandpa granger's old armour and a sword that magically appeared and sliced up the drapes. Hilary moaned.

"Fat chance of that…" Tyson muttered.

"No McDonalds and no hookers." Foamy finished.

"No hookers, what am I to do now? Beg Kai to come to my room and pump it for me?" Tyson sarcastically said. There was silence.

Cricket

Cricket

Cricket

SQUISH!!

CRASH!

"Sorry." Jordan muttered wiping her fist off on her jeans, then proceding to haul Hilary's body to the sofa.

"Oh my god she's dead!" Max said dramatically after feeling for a pulse.

"I wish." She raised herself up. "Max when you check for a pulse you check my neck not my breasts."

"Whatever floats your boat." Foamy said to Tyson's statement.

"You disgust me." Kai left to get more coffee.

"What you can do? NOTHING! Except exercise, eat healthy and all that bullshit." Foamy said.

'I don't wanna know how hookers popped up on the list.' Tyson thought.

"TO TIM HORTONS FOR ICE CAPS!!" Max yelled.

"Good fricken god…" Foamy and Kenny muttered.

Jordan jumped into the driver's seat before anyone could say anything. In all honesty the trip wasn't all that bad…Foamy and Jordan started swearing at a car as it cut her off. Hilary finally started to put her seatbelt on. They pulled into the parking lot and ordered a whole lot of 'timbits' and ice caps. Jordan, Ray, Kai and Hilary ordered soup and sandwiches as well.

"Mm! This is damn good!" Foamy was drinking an ice cap, which is the last thing he needs. His pupils became dilated and the world lurched to a halt. Hilary was suspended in mid air because she was lunging at Max moments before, Tyson was picking his nose, Kenny was on Dizzy, Kai had his eyes closed and his coffee was half way to his mouth, Ray had a feral grin on his face and a mad gleam in his eyes, Jordan had her eyes closed, a placid look on her face.

"Hey." Max waved to foamy. "Earth to foamy?"

"What the fuck's happening?!" Foamy asked.

"Well this is what happens when people who are hyperactive as it is drink a lot of caffeine." Max answered.

"The earth's fucking stopped moving!! This is cool!!" Foamy yelled.

"Actually we're moving so fast that everything is slow and stopped." Max corrected. Foamy was walking away and doing things to random people, he went behind the counter and began hauling everything out of there and into the van.

"Help me would ya?!" foamy shouted at max and they stole all the doughnuts but not without some difficulty. "Maple or extra sprinkles?"

"Sprinkles." Max said. "Oh crap hurry everything is starting to speed up!" They ran over the counter. Luckily they managed to get out of the door when things came back to normal. They both ran inside the store.

"What the hell!" someone yelled from the kitchen.

"Um…lets go…" Hilary said, "Where the hell are foamy and Max?"

"Right here." they said behind her. They walked out to see a couple with their faces drawn on.

"You have penis written on your forehead." A man said to his friend.

They were at the door when a man ran from the kitchens and began to yell at them to stop. "did you see a robber come in here? Everything is gone."

"Nope." Ray answered. They exited the restaurant and saw their van filled up with Tim Hortons stuff.

"What…the fuck?" Kai asked.

"GO! GO! We gotta go!" Foamy yelled.

"You!" Hilary roared "We're returning this!"

"We've got no time!" Tyson shoved her into the car.

Germaine sighed 'I can't believe that I'm starting to miss the bugger. It was great at first but now it's boring…' Germaine flipped through her book for the counter curse.

They managed to get home alright, Ray was driving and they watched TV for a while.

"Anyone we know on 'cops'?" Tyson asked the TV. So they watched it.

"We're on our way to the Alamo dome where we've got a call of a riot." The cop on TV said. They pulled up there and ran in. They found Micheal fist fighting with a spectator while the crowd was cheering or booing. "Cease and desist!" The cop stepped in between them.

"BEEP YOU!!"  Micheal shouted as he broke through the cop. Then the cop and the other cops with him forced Micheal to the ground. There were a couple of eye witnesses but the opther wanted to know what happened to Micheal hoping that he'd be arrested for a year. But it never said.

"I'm going to bed." Hilary said.

"Me too." Kenny said. They left and after a while the others did too. They didn't wake up till noon, when they heard screaming outside the house.

There were also shouts of "RABID SQUIRREL!" or "KILLER SQUIRREL!!"

"Foamy." They groaned. They opened the door to see foamy up in the cherry tree in the yard pelting nuts at people passing by, so far an old lady had her leg missing and a jogger was unconscious and a little boy was crying.

"GET DOWN FROM THAT TREE!!" Hilary yelled.

"One more person!" Foamy responded. The old evil hag nextdoor stepped out to get her morning paper, Foamy threw an acorn at her and it hit her in the chest sending her back in the house.

"Fucking cunts nextdoor…" she moaned in her old lady voice. Foamy climbed back down and they went inside.

Germaine was asleep; she was drooling slightly on the book she was reading before sleep came. She jerked awake and continued to look for the counter curse. She found it after turning a couple pages. "alright I need candles and incense." She dug them out and put some candles in a circle, then put a candle and a stick of incense by her "I've lost something that can't be found, please return it safe and sound, and as I chant his name it shall come back to me, foamy foamy foamy 3x3x3." She chanted this 2 more times.

Foamy was drinking some coffee and his outline started to fade.

"Foamy! You're fading!" Tyson pointed out the obvious.

"Hey I am! What the fuck's going on?!" Foamy yelled.

"I sense magic…" Ray said. Jordan nodded.

The last thing they heard Foamy say as farewell was "When I get back and see that goth emo mother fucker I'll give her squirrley wrath so bad her grandchildren will feel it!"

"I was starting to grow fond of him." Max sighed when foamy was gone.

"I know but there's bound to be something happening again really soon." Kenny said.

"Yeah, we're just cursed like that." Jordan said.

"At least we're not bored." Kai stated.

_END!!_

_ALRIGHT!! I HAVE A SPECIAL AND VERY IMPORTANT FAVOUR TO ASK OF YOU!! ONE OF MY LIFE LONG GOALS…(ok…one of my more recent goals…) IS TO HAVE 100 REVIEWS!! I HAVE 95 SO FAR…AND I KNOW THAT I'LL PROBABLY GET IT BUT I WANTED TO SAY THIS ANYWAYS! Another one of my goals is to go on Canadian idol…not to exactly pass or get on TV but just for the experience and stuff…if I did make it then it'd be an added bonus but I have to wait till I'm 16 or something. Well yah…don't know what I'm gonna do next chapter…possibly school, or if I find something really retarded then I'll write that…I'm still open to suggestions if you have anything that you want me to write about…well anyways…buhbye for now…_

_Sakura Sama 101 signing off. _


	23. POTC and beyond! our trip to Mexico!

_Well, I'm sorry about such a very late update…but yah, I'm more involved with my other stories. But I'm not giving up on this one too soon, it'll just take longer to update . And thank you! I got 101 reviews, and I definitely can't thank all the people who have supported and reviewed this fic all this time! _

_Oh this idea was requested by School Boredom (sorry if it's wrong…) _

_Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade or Pirates of the Caribbean. _

Chapter 23

Our trip to Mexico.

Hilary was pouring over travel brochures to Mexico. The others secretly hoped that she was going away for a month or longer, but they were also happy when she announced they were all coming along.

"Yeah! Free drinks!" Jordan cheered.

"You aren't 18." Kenny broke her happy bubble.

"I have my ways." Jordan winked suggestively.

"You're stupid." Kai informed.

"And you're an albino. Mexico will do ya good." Tyson said in Jordan's defence.

Ray was laughing "I remember one time Kai was wearing white boxers and I pushed him into a snowbank! It took me forever to find him!"

"That was in Russia right?" Max asked. Ray nodded.

"And that was how I passed my social exam." The authoress cried out of the blue.

"Dude, I think you got the wrong dimension." Kenny said.

"No…I just wanted to say I told my social teacher that there's a man named Boris who rapes and makes little boys insane, that and Russians like tops. And 99.9 percent of them have issues." SS 101 said.

(sorry, just had to add that, I don't mean that for all you Russians out there, you're all cool!)

"You're really weird…" Hilary commented.

"And you're a vampire. Buhbye!" the authoress disappeared.

They remained silent "When do we leave?" Ray asked.

"Tomorrow." Hilary answered. "I have it all planned, we're gonna have so much fun!!"

On the plane….

"Another day, another plane." Max sighed.

"Do we know anyone from Mexico?" Ray asked.

"Hmm…maybe Miguel. It's a Mexican name." Jordan said.

"Isn't Zorro Mexican?" Tyson asked.

"I thought he was Spanish." Kenny answered.

"Ssh!" the person behind said.

"You shush!" Hilary yelled back.

"Yes mam."

"Not you Tyson!"

"How much longer?" Kai asked in an **almost** whining tone but it's not cause Kai doesn't whine cause he's an anti-social vampire…

"16 hours." Kenny answered.

"Bloody great."

It was silent for a minute…

"They have illegal cock fights in Mexico!" Max blurted out.

"Dude…"

"They do!"

"Ms. Stewardess-" Jordan began.

"Flight attendant."

"Yeah, yeah…please don't give the blonde any pepsi." Jordan answered.

"Will do." And she left.

"Psst! Ray! How come they changed the stewardess thing?!" Jordan asked.

"I dunno, one of them smoked drugs and when a guy called 'Stewardess' she thought he called her 'shit head' and she called the other stewardesses and called a strike." Ray thought up.

"I know that isn't what happened."

The plane stopped in Los Angeles to pick up some more passengers.

"Ah yes. I can finally stretch my legs." Hilary sighed.

"Coffee…" Kai muttered and began to walk away.

"Don't leave the airport!" Hilary called.

"Yeah or punks and gangs will bust a cap in my white ass." Max said shuddering.

"Hehe, gangbang." Jordan chuckled.

"Only you could find that funny Jordan, speaking of which, do you even know what that is?" Kenny asked.

"Yes! And I wish Tala, Ray, Kai, Hiro, and Miguel would do one with me!" Jordan blurted out. They looked at her like she had a disease and there was a very awkward silence.

"Jordan, are you drunk?" Kenny asked.

Jordan put her pinkie on the corner of her mouth "Maybe…"

"How!!??"

"Tequila in a suntan lotion bottle…people would just think I'm a Howie off the benchwarmers wannabe." She answered slightly slurred.

"Last boarding call for flight 7421 heading for Mexico." The intercom spoke.

"EVERYBODY RUN!! THE GANSTAS ARE COMING!" Max says running past them. They managed to get on the plane in time.

One very boring and long plane ride later…

"The blade breakers are in Mexico!" Tyson shouted.

"Technically we're in Puerto Viarta." Kenny answered.

"Coffee…" Kai muttered.

"Yeah, I hear their brand is really strong." Jordan said instantly sober. "The Dominican Republic had good coffee…" She said wistfully. "And Shirley Temples." They walked to the resort, Hilary had her camera out along with Jordan and were taking pictures of everything. Tyson leaned against a palm tree and a coconut hit him as they snapped a picture.

They got inside and got their room numbers. Hilary and Jordan had their room and the boys got one next to them. They dumped their luggage in their rooms then explored them.

"Sweet! There's a fridge loaded with pop! And it's in glass bottles!" Max informed.

"The beds are comfy!" Hilary could be heard.

Tyson's stomach rumbled.

"Lets go to the buffet." Tyson suggested.

"I want to change out of these clothes first!" Jordan hollered.

"That's a good idea, it's pretty hot out there…" Ray added.

In the girls room…

Jordan was walking around in only her bra and surprisingly panties. "I love you A/C…why couldn't Tyson's house have A/C?"

"Because his grandpa is cheap?" Hilary guessed. She was wearing a short skirt and a tank.

"hehe I wonder what the boys are gonna wear?" Jordan randomly asked.

"Hmmm…Ray could possibly be shirtless, Max and Tyson are probably wearing Hawaii shirts and shorts and Kenny and Kai will probably wear what they have on.

"I wonder if Kai is fat?" Jordan asked "He always wears that tight shirt, who knows if he has a couple rolls hiding in there."

"No, I can see his abs." Hilary answered.

"So you're cheating on Tyson!?"

"WE WERE NEVER GOING OUT!"

"But you admit you were checking out Kai."

"Yes."

"If we got stuck here, we could pay his Mexican fangirls 10 dollars to see him shirtless. Jordan randomly commented. "Maybe Ray too."

"I'll do that if we ever get robbed during our stay." Hilary muttered. Jordan put on caprices and a tank. They then knocked on the boy's door and were met by Kai, who was wearing a loose cotton muscle shirt.

"Do you **do** have other articles of clothing." Jordan commented.

"Shut up." He answered. Ray walked by while putting on a shirt like Kai's.

"Oh you're ready? Max, Tyson, Kenny! Time to go!" Ray called.

They walked around to the supper buffet, dished up and sat at one of the tables.

"What are we going to do tomorrow?" Max asked.

"Well I thought it would be cool to go see where Pirates of the Caribbean 3 is being filmed so I signed us up." Hilary answered. "the cast might even be there."

"Cool." Ray answered. They soon finished eating and Kai ordered them to go to bed. The boys soon fell asleep and Jordan and Hilary spent some time talking about worthless topics before Hilary got fed up and "asked" Jordan to go to sleep.

They woke up early and got on the bus that would take them to the set. Boris, by some really weird chance was also on the same bus. He was testing a super drug he invented, he let off the drug bomb and jumped out.

Meanwhile our bladebreakers were all in the same dream caused by the drugs…

Kai woke up on a ship, the other guys were unconscious beside him. Ray stirred beside him and opened his eyes.

"Where are we? And where are Jordan and Hil?" Ray asked.

A man ran over before Kai could answer "Oh good you're all starting to awaken. I'm Will Turner." The man said. Kai and Ray looked at eachother.

"Pinch me." Ray whispered, Kai did so "OOUCH!"

Tyson opened his eyes and looked around and saw Will "Holy hell!! What happened? Why are we on a ship?!" He began to panic. Max and Kenny woke up too.

"Ssh! It's ok! We found you guys in a boat, all unconscious, can you remember anything that happened before we found you?"

They all shook their heads "Did you see two girls with us?" Ray asked.

"No I haven't." Will answered. "Jack! Get over here!"

Jack slowly walked over "What?" He groaned.

"Did you see any women with them?" Will asked.

"No, or else they'd with me, now if you don't mind…I have a ship to steer." Jack went back.

"Bloody wretched pirate." Will muttered under his breath. He turned to the others "we're on our way to Tortuga, I'll help you search for your friends when we get there." He promised.

* * *

Meanwhile on an island Jordan opened her eyes to find she was in an old-fashioned hotel room. She hesitantly stood up and caught her refection in the mirror. She had tight black pants on and 3 belts hung on her waist very sexily. 2 belts had swords on them. She had on a red jacket with gold tassels on the shoulder; it cut off under her breasts, just under her belly button. Since the jacket didn't do up she had a black tank top with a skull that cut off sexily around her navel

(Think of Lady Kika from Suikoden IV)

Hilary stirred, she had on an old English dress that showed her bosom, it was white with red frills and folds "W-Where are we?" Hilary asked.

"I don't know." Jordan answered. "Lets go find out." They exited the room and down the hall and to some railing. They were in a bar, they climbed down the stairs and sat on some stools in front of the innkeeper.

"Excuse me, but where are we?" Hilary asked.

"On the island of Tortuga." The innkeeper answered.

Jordan and Hilary exchanged glances "How did we get here?" Jordan asked sharply.

"Some folks found ya washed up on the beach." He answered.

Hilary sighed and looked around. There was no sign of the boys. "Alright, we'll spend the night here, how much does one night in 1 room cost?" Hilary asked.

"2 shillings."

Jordan pulled out a penny (one cent Canadian money….the lowest coin there is…just making sure ) "This is a penny, in our currency it's equal to a pound, not even lying." Hilary was shocked to say in the least. And Jordan even got 18 shillings in change. Suddenly Jordan was groped by a drunk man and she punched his face in. They went back up to their room.

* * *

Meanwhile 'Captain Jack Sparrow' and the gang pulled into Tortuga. They got off the boat, I mean ship and found Mr. Gibbs.

"Hey Tyson." Kai waves to one of the pigs.

"Screw you."

Will and Jack throw their buckets of water on the man and Max throws another bucket on him. "I felt left out." Max stated.

Mr. Gibbs sputtered and coughed "So who are these wretches?"

"Stragglers, lost at sea." Jack answered.

"Ah."

They went off to the bar to discuss plans and try to find a crew. They entered and almost got knocked over by a flying drunk man. They looked in the direction he came from and saw a black haired girl huff and pull away her friend.

"No way! Jordan?" Max asked looking at the beautiful girl.

Tyson was sniggering "And hehe Hilary!" He couldn't keep it in. he fell to his knees laughing. The girl in the dress turned around and looked at them. She tapped her friend.

Jordan came running over "Hey! I was wondering when the hell you guys would come!"

"I take it these are your friends." Will commented. Hilary looked at him and slunk behind Jordan, looking coyly at him from behind her shoulder.

"Yep." Ray said. Jordan just waved. Pretty soon things were settled and they were on their way to whatever which I think it was to save Elizabeth.

"Hey it's the stiff." Max says pointing at Commodore Norrington, who tries to capture them but they get away.

"Hil, I never noticed you had cleavage." Tyson commented to Hilary. She was still wearing the dress. Hilary glared at Tyson then at the said article of clothing.

"Big boobs Migee!" Max added. Hilary gave him a sharp tap on the head.

"I've noticed there's something weird about you, including some of the items on your person, those triangles, what are they?" Will asked.

"The tops? Oh they're called Beyblades, we use them for entertainment as well as fighting, it's a well known art." Kenny explained. It showed that Will was weirded out so they decided not to pursue the subject.

They got to the cave and watched with popcorn and drinks as they watched the fight, Kai actually helped by launching his blade at the undead pirates. And finally Barbosa was dead.

"Damn!" Jordan said black man style.

Then there was this instant time warp. Will and Elizabeth got married and Jordan and Hilary were bridesmaids and the guys were the groomsmen.

And Jack was out at sea and the Commodore was demoted and soon Will and the bladebreakers were off to find Jack because he had the compass that didn't point north.

"What good's a compass that doesn't point north?" Tyson asked

"If you aren't going north." Max answered.

"There's the black pearl on the port side!" Will called. They docked next to the pearl.

"I have a bad feeling about this island…" Ray muttered.

But they went on it anyway and what did they meet? Goddamn cannibals, and now they were making their escape.

"But we can't leave without Jack!" Will called. Jack's being chased y the cannibals. "Time to go!"

"Funny how your mind changed." Jordan sighed.

But they all made it, not so safe and sound, but most of them were alive in the end. But then there's Davey Jones.

"There's someone I wouldn't want to have a food fight with." Tyson commented.

"How so?" Kenny asked.

"Well his tentacles can throw food at you." Tyson answered.

"I wonder if his tentacles have ever slapped him in the face? Or if they've had fights." Max added.

"He's right there you know." Will said with a smile on his face.

Then Davey sicked the Kraken on them since he didn't appreciate being made fun of and they woke up in Tortuga where they drifted. They began looking for crew members and got assaulted by the 'used to be Commodore Norrington.'

"Whoa you really let yourself go." Jordan commented.

"Shut up you insolent pirate scum." Norrington answered.

They all expected Jordan would get mad but instead she said "Thank you!"

And somehow he agreed to come, they were back out, looking for a heart in a chest with Elizabeth with them and got attacked by the Kraken again and unfortunately they woke up from their fantasy.

"Are you ok?" A very familiar voice asked. They all hesitantly sat up. All the actors in POTC (hehe I almost spelt PORC) were standing near them.

"Y-Yeah…" Hilary said nervously.

"Aww, we're back?" Max asked.

"Yes we are." Kai informed. They all got up and they had their tour around the set of POTC 3. Hilary and Jordan staring at Orlando all the way, they even exchanged MSNs, under the famous persons act, their code of honour.

The rest of the trip was fun but that another story…

END!!

_Well, that's the end of this chapter, I think I could have gotten into greater detail but I didn't know how to put half of it into words. And I probably won't update right away. And yah…please forgive my crappy updating, I've been recently been taking the plunge and gonna attempt a few romance fics right away. (which means reading a lot of perverted novels my mom has jk jk) one SakuraxNeji (Naruto) and the other one I can't post since I can't find a Mark of the Succubus thing in fanfiction. So yah, I'll probably still keep writing that one until it becomes more popular (it's a really good manga, if you come across it please read it, it's worth it if you like dark stuff!) _

_Well that's it for now! (reviews may also possibly speed up updating!) _

_Sakura Sama 101_


	24. Life lessons

_Don't be to mad but I had this written way back in may…but I forgot about it and now I remembered so I'm typing it up now…I was too busy with school XD well anyway here is the chapter "The blade breaker's life lessons." Oh yah some of these are from personal experience…some of them I made up and some of them I learned from witnessing others. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade. _

The bladbreakers sat in the living room, bored all the way to tears.

"Hey why not tell the readers some of the lessons we learned from being top pro beybladers?" Max suggested. They began to draw on a whiteboard.

Lesson #1 Make sure you remember and know where your camera is before jumping off of a swing.

Jordan was swinging on a swing and jumped and fell face first into a snowbank. The reason being was because her camera was still attached to the chain of the swing.

Ray was laughing at the memory. "Jordan, you really can be a ditz."

Jordan gave Ray the bird.

Kenny was bursting to say something and finally let it out "Don't steal shopping carts from Wal-Mart!" he screeched.

Everyone except for Kai laughed (as ususal) "Well if Tyson didn't ditch us for McDonalds and then if Kai would've carried some of the groceries we couldn't grab then we wouldn't have resorted to taking it." Max answered.

"I don't have to carry any of your losers things especially when I didn't buy it." Kai spat back.

* * *

FLASHBACK!!

It was Jordan's 15th birthday and the gang decided to go to Wal-Mart. They grabbed a cart and Max climbed in it and they pushed him across the parking lot. They got in the store and began to head for the chip aisle. Tyson was the last person in.

"Huh?" Tyson asked himself as he looked at the McDonalds off to the right. His stomach quickly decided for him and he ran into the restaurant.

* * *

Jordan and the others were at the chip aisle and put around 10 bags of chips in the cart. They turned to the pop on the other side of the aisle to the pop. They put in 6 boxes of pop and 10 2 litres and 10 bottles of flavoured water.

"Think this is enough?" Ray asked.

"Yes." Kenny answered.

"We haven't even gotten any candy yet!" Max piped up.

"Or Jolt." Jordan added. They went to the candy aisle and picked up some jolt and gummy worms. They went to the self-pay and paid for everything. They were standing outside.

"Where's Tyson?" Hilary asked annoyed.

"Now that I think about it, he wasn't with us earlier." Ray added.

"Should we leave him?" Jordan asked.

"It's not my problem if he gets lost." Kai muttered 'it would be nice though.'

"He knows the way home." Kenny added.

"Yeah but he'd die of exhaustion though." Hilary said.

"We'll give him 10 minutes and if he doesn't show then too bad." Kai informed.

A very boring 10 minutes later…

"Well we can't take the cart with us." Ray sighed. So they managed to get almost all of the bags except for one elusive bag that no one could seem to carry.

"Kai could you grab this bag please?" Kenny asked politely.

"Hmph." And he began to walk away.

Jordan looked at the bag, it had 'Zesty Cheese Doritos' and she wasn't gonna leave them behind. She grabbed the straps with her teeth and began to walk after Kai. The others quickly followed. After they made it to the end of the parking lot they were too tired to continue. Luckily there was a shopping cart nearby.

Jordan and Max looked longingly at it and Ray unfortunately saw this "No."

"But-" Max cried.

"We can't have our reputation damaged any further…although it is past the point of no return…" Ray said.

"Just to our house? I promise Jordan and I will return it!" Max cried.

"NO!! STEALING'S WRONG!! I WILL NOT LET YOU GUYS RUIN YOUR CAREERS OVER SOMETHING SO TRIVIAL AS A BAG OF CHIPS!!!" Kenny roared.

"Whoa…beyblading's a career?" Jordan asked.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

"Whoa…chill Kenneth." Hilary soothed.

"Look, Max and I will take the fall if we get caught that is." Jordan added.

"Yeah!" Max yelled and dumped what he was holding into the cart. The others gratefully did the same and began to push it down the street, getting some odd stares along the way. When they got home there was Tyson waiting for them expectantly.

There was a very sad Tyson hauling an empty shopping cart back to Wal-Mart.

END FLASHBACK!!

* * *

"read all signs and all of the sign you're reading before buying anything Max said looking at Ray slyly.

"Hey my eyes aren't the greatest in the dark!" Ray retorted.

"But they're still better than mine!" Tyson said.

"Stop denying your pyro instincts." Max sighed.

"What did he do?" Hilary asked.

"Took a candle from Notre Dame." Kenny sighed.

"Almost!" Ray corrected. "It's not my fault! I thought you could buy them! And for $4! Instead it's light the candle and say a prair! And I never did get my $4 back!!"

"Did you light the candle and say a prair?" Hilary asked.

"No!" Ray answered.

"When life gives you lemons, squirt the juice in your enemy's eyes." Jordan said out of the blue.

"Happy bunny stickers make the world go round." Kai muttered.

"Even the most antisocial person can have their moments." Ray added.

"Ming Ming is a lesbian." Kenny said.

"What!?" the others yelled, shocked by this new information.

"Was a lesbian before you all killed her…" Kenny corrected himself.

"And how would you know this?" Max asked.

"The chief knows everything." Kenny said.

"Don't give midgets drugs or sugar." Jordan said.

"Stay in school!!" Tyson said dramatically.

"School is hell with fluorescent lighting." Max commented.

"Friends are friends pals are palls and buddies sleep together." Hilary added.

"Where did that come from?" Ray asked. Hilary shrugged.

"I don't know…" She answered.

"Don't use guns." Kenny randomly said.

"Don't pick on nerds because they could be your boss one day…" Tyson said looking at Kenny.

"Too much DDR isn't a good thing." Ray muttered.

"But it's so addicting!" Max cried.

"Even Kai plays it!" Jordan said amazed.

"And got high score on Max 300." Ray informed.

"Shut up." Kai said.

"What? It's a complement."

"Hmph."

Hump?"

"HMPH!!"

"Oh!" Ray said. "Mondays suck and don't' give me or Jordan cat nip."

"Don't give Kai too much sugar." Max said.

"Don't let Jordan drive!" Tyson added.

"Cats don't always land on their feet." Kenny said.

"Hiro's a homo." Hilary commented.

"Why?" Max asked.

"Finally someone agrees!" Tyson shouted.

"Don't let Tyson hit on carnies…or the opposite sex in general." Jordan informed.

"Toxic sludge tastes like fudge." Max said.

"Hookers vs. Homos wars rock!" Ray said.

"Spot the hobo is a sweet game." Kenny said.

"Don't go near carts on the side of the side walk because the hobo who owns it might bite you and you'll get rabies." Hilary commented.

"For every awkward silence a gay baby is born." Baileigh yells outside.

AWKWARD SILENCE!!

"See!" Baileigh called.

"People talking from outside the living room window is also common." Max said.

"We need new drapes since Ray shredded them!!" Tyson accused.

"Not my department." Ray retorted.

"Neko-jins are more trouble then they're worth." Kai said. Ray and Jordan only glared, if it was anyone else they'd be a bloody pulp but Kai could kick their asses.

"Russians are gay." Ray retorted.

"Chinese are faggots."

"Takes one to know one."

"Like you."

"Alright! Just shut up!" Hilary yelled.

"Messing with a PMSing Hilary is bad." Tyson commented.

"Oh god." Max muttered.

"Well that's all the life lessons I can think of." Kenny commented.

"Except that midgets have feelings too." Ray said.

"You aren't a midget though." Jordan answered.

"I was thinking of Kenny when I said it."

"So don't give Kenny hormonal pills."

"Bye folks!" Daemon said and it ended the chappie!

_Well hope you liked it and I got a whole bunch of suggestions by one person and I hope to update at least once during the summer, and please review and thanks to those who have been reviewing!!_

Sakura Sama 101 signing off.


	25. MIB

_I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING FOR SO LONG!! Blame my computer and all the things that have happened in my life. And there was also a long delay for me to get this laptop…but don't worry I'm back and even better then ever and more funnier too. Well alright I hope that you guys can forgive me and enjoy this next chapter._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade. _

Chapter 25

MIB

The Bladebreaker residence was going through its normal morning routine.

"Jordan!! Get your ass out of bed!" Tyson yelled.

"Tyson!! Shut the hell up!!" Jordan yelled back. Tyson continued to pound on her door and scream profanities until Max walked by.

"Jeez Tyson, what did that door ever do to you?" Max asked concerned for the door.

"It ate my cheeseburger!" Tyson sarcastically snapped.

"Oh…" Dawning comprehension showed on Max's pale face.

"No numbnuts I'm yelling at the person inside the door to get up so I can have a partner!"

"…there's a person inside the door?"

"AAARRRGGGHHH!" Tyson roared and ran around, "are you being dumb on purpose?!" Max remained silent. "This is **way** too early to be up! It's not even light out! I don't know what that antisocial bastard is thinking having us up but I've had it!"

"Tyson be quiet…or you'll get the gas…" Max hissed, his usual happy voice full of fear.

"I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!! I'M GOING TO SHOVE MY SIZE 12 UP HIS ASS AFTER I REMOVE T HAT SIDEWAYS STICK AND MAKE HIM CHANGE THE TRAINING REGIMENT!!" Tyson said through Max's buts and him fearfully pointing behind Tyson. "Right after I get a cheeseburger." Tyson turned around and crashed into a hard wall of flesh.

"What were you going to do Tyson?" Kai's cold, silky voice asked.

Tyson quickly took a step back and answered "I was just going to get you a cup of coffee."

"That's what I thought I heard."

"SHUT UP OUT THERE!!" Jordan roared.

"What the hell's her problem?" Max asked.

"Hangover." Ray said. At everyone's confused glances headed "She challenged Kai to drinking vodka shots."

Tyson asked "where did you come from?"

"From the dojo." Ray answered. They went out to train for the tournament that was taking place the next day."

Meanwhile…

* * *

"Agent K and agent J have gone on a mission to the Orleans to checkout the alien mafia that caused the hurricane." A deep voice spoke.

"Frank is also missing." Another informed.

"Send a 2 man party out to find him." The first voice ordered.

"Yes sir."

* * *

Jordan slowly made her way to the door to get the milk, eggs and the paper and was surprised to see a dog sitting there looking at her. Jordan grabbed the items and let the dog in the house. After setting the items down she began to inspect the dog looking for injuries and anything else suspicious. She fingered the metal identification tag and looked at it. **'Agent Frank.'**

'Holy shit! This must be some sort of police dog!' Jordan thought to herself. The others came in at that moment.

"Holy shit! It's Tyson's brother!" Max cried looking at the pug.

"I'm offended!" The pug snapped. "How dare you compare me to him!" he pointed to Tyson.

There was an awkward silence…

"The dog just talked…" Hilary broke it.

"Well of course I can numbnuts." The dog retorted. When he got no answer, "Oh jeez, well anyway my name is Frank."

Everyone introduced themselves though still in disbelief, except Kai….he just remained silent as usual.

"How strong is this weed?!" Kenny whispered excitedly, "There's a talking dog!"

"Kenny…I thought you went to rehab?" Ray asked.

"Everyone knows rehab's a joke." Max commented.

"Yeah, it is." Frank said shaking his head.

"Alright…so why were you on my doorstep??" Jordan asked.

"I magically teleported to your front door, no dumbshits, I had to find a place to hide from the pound."

"Well you aren't really a dog though, I mean you can talk, and you give off a different vibe that isn't like other digs, almost other worldly…" Ray broke off.

"Well aren't we smart, it took the MIB longer to figure that out." Frank commented.

"MIB? I thought that was just a movie…" Hilary answered.

"No…it's real, it's supposed to be a secret organization remember." Frank spoke like he was talking to a 5 year old.

"Alright….so yeah….I think I'm going to pretend this never happened and go train." Jordan muttered.

Everyone went to the dojo, while sparring Frank had quite a few comments about beyblading.

"What kind of drugs are you taking to get a piece of plastic shaped like a top and launch it at another piece of plastic and scream at it to call it training?!" Frank yelled somewhat aggravated at the sheer stupidity of what he was seeing.

No one really had an answer because what can you say to a dog that is an alien you just met?

"Dude…don't you watch T.V?" Tyson asked.

Except Tyson of course….

"To watch things you guys don't."

"Porn?" Ray asked, real spur of the moment.

"…Pretty much."

"Hmm…you're a dog though how would you whack off?" Max asked.

"Lets not talk about that…" Hilary said covering her ears.

"Please." Jordan added.

* * *

In the middle of the day…

There was a knock at the door, Max went to go answer it and was greeted by the sight of two men richly dressed in tuxedos.

Max instantly panicked "Quick! The government's here! RUN E.T RUN!"

E.T never made it down the hall cause one of the men pulled out a shotgun 30 years into the future and with an almighty BLAM! All that was left of E.T was a pile of ash "We're vacuum cleaner salesmen….is Frank here?" The guy not armed asked.

Frank walked into the porch, "Oh hey Agent F, Agent U."

"Frank." Agent U said pulling something out of his pocket.

"Wait…we have a shortage of agents right?" Frank asked.

"Yes." Agent F answered.

"Well why don't we ire these guys, just until agent J and K get back." Frank suggested.

"We'll have to see what the boss thinks." Agent F answered.

"Yeah…about that…we rode over here on a MoPed." Agent U spoke, very ashamed.

There was a small pause and everyone roared with laughter at 2 government agents riding a MoPed.

"Wow that is too good." Jordan gasped.

This lasted for about 10 minutes until everyone calmed down.

"Kai can drive…the van…" Tyson said with a small shudder.

"I call shotgun!" Max roared and ran out the door. The others followed and got in the van.

"We'll lead the way." Agent F said, they hopped onto the MoPed and began to get out of the driveway. It was lucky that the windows were rolled up because everyone was laughing again, Kai was immune to driving with them but a big grin was on his face.

They made it downtown and that's where things went downhill.

First off they didn't know how to work the MoPed and they didn't stop in time and got hit by a semmy. They did some sweet moved and almost got out of it in time, agent U broke his leg so they had to go to the mini-van…it was very cramped.

"Next left." Frank said, Kai expertly turned into the lane.

"I could have done that." Jordan said smugly.

The others decided to say nothing because then she would want to prove it, which would cause accidents.

They pulled into a run down, dilapidated building, "Wow! For some government agency that we don't want to work for, you guys sure have crappy facilities." Tyson commented.

Hilary smacked him around the head, "It's a government organization! They aren't just going to announce where they are. Look at Voltaire and Boris! They were totally fucked in the head; they ran their operations in a monastery! Who would have suspected a monastery for cryin out loud?!"

"Good point." Tyson muttered.

They entered the building and saw the black guy reading the paper. Soon they were taken to agent Z (or whoever he is…the big guy.)

"Welcome, well, before you can be agents you have to first go through training." He said then left.

"Well that was kind of pointless…" Kenny muttered.

The others nodded. They were taken to the training room (remember the room with the cool chairs?)

Jordan and Max began to spin in them and other things like try and wedge their entire bodies into them and get themselves in some hilarious positions. Hilary took pictures.

'Hehe…blackmail/scrapbooking…' Wow Hilary…real weird haha….

Soon a man came and handed out tests and pencils. Everyone was expecting a really hard test that made no sense but they were really surprised by this test.

_1.What kind of underwear are you wearing now?_

_2.Does that underwear have ANY sort of stain on it?_

_3.Do you shave your pubs?_

_4.If you were a mutant duck what color would you be?_

_5.What does RED spelled backwards spell?_

_6.What does 2+2?_

_7.What color is the sky?_

_8.What does MIB stand for?_

_9.What sound does a dog make?_

_10.What are the three primary colors?_

_11.How many colors are in the rainbow?_

_12.Who was the greatest James Bond and why?_

_13.What is your opinion on the Titanic?_

_14.Have you ever eaten at White Castle?_

_15.What is the Walmart logo called?_

_16.Who do you know that you could label them as a possible alien lifeform?(be sure to list as much information as possible)_

_17.Name one star who died recently._

_18.Do you like adolescent boys or people of the same gender?_

_19.Your nationality (please don't say 'white' or 'black' be specific)_

_**20.The big one! **__I start with 4 legs then two and finally 3, what am I? _

"Oh man! What's 2+2?!" Tyson yelled.

The others sweatdropped. The man left a little while ago. Kai was finished and was asleep; Kenny was flabberghasted at the sheer stupidity of the test. After 5 minutes Tyson was the only one not finished.

The others just sat there or like Kai, slept.

Finally after Tyson finished his test the man corrected them. He then took them to another room and gave them a gun.

"Hey do we have to shoot eachother?" Tyson asked aiming at Kai.

"…No. This is your practical exam. Shoot at any target resembling an extraterrestrial life form; this will be a one person at a time exercise. The others will observe." He looked at the group, "You will be first." He said pointing to Kai.

Kai only shrugged as he was handed a gun and was left in the simulation room. They turned on the strobe lights and a tape of a Godzilla movie. Kai held his gun up and waited, he shot every alien target right between the eyes cause he's Kai and he's good at everything right so next was Kenny.

Kenny shakily got out there and as soon as the simulation started he peed himself and ran to the door and began to cry. He was taken out of there and brought back to the others.

Next it was Max's turn "Wow! This gun's like on Halo 3!"

The supervisor sweatdropped, "Well…our in space station is run by the Spartan super soldier project, master chief is in charge of that and when earth is in danger they send us weapons.

Max went in and lazily shot at the alien targets and a cat.

Ray got in and did just as well as Kai.

Hilary went in there a little frightened so she missed almost half the targets.

Tyson went in there bored and uninterested but once the simulation got started he was doing amazing until…

"OMG HE KILLED KENNY!"

But before Kyle could say "You bastard!" Tyson performed an execution move that probably took a lot of skill/practice.

Next was Jordan, who asked for a bow and finished her part. Next a guy came in and gave them the lowdown.

"Alright, first we need to assign you names "You're agent R." he pointed at Ray, "Agent M." he pointed to Max. "Agent H." he gestured to Hilary, "Agent T." he nodded to Tyson. "Agent…JJ." Jordan smirked. "Agent Kai and Agent Ke."

"Aww I just wanted to be chief." Kenny moaned.

"Fine, your chief." The guy sighed.

Next they got fitted into tuxes.

It was kind of like a movie, the doors opened with the dry ice effect and they were all wearing black tuxedos…but they didn't have any shirts in Tyson's size so he was wearing his mustard yellow shirt, and Ray had to wear his bandana, Kenny was actually wearing sunglasses that were made with prescription lenses and Hilary didn't wear a tux but she was wearing a skirt.

They were then sent to agent Z for their first mission.

"Your first mission is to exterminate an alien in an abandoned house; I'll give you all the information right now in this folder." He handed a folder over to Kai. "You'll be getting there by jet plane."

They left his office and got on the plane and onto their mission, they landed in Edmonton and went to a very sad looking suburb.

"What's the address?" Hilary asked.

"3201 Mulberry lane." Kenny answered.

Jordan froze as she looked at the house in dawning realization, "This…is my old house…"

"Oh good so you know what we're dealing with then." Tyson commented.

"Yes…and no." Jordan answered as they entered the house.

Max was dancing "With no time to stall you call the GHOST BUSTERS well that's who you call GHOST BUSTERS!"

"He usually is in the basement." Jordan said calmly.

"Hello…my sweet…you came back to me…"

"Guys…this is Mike…" Jordan said calmly while turning on the light.

"So you never told them about us? So…who are you boning these days?" The voice asked.

"There never was 'us.' It was just you trying to rape me when I was 5…" Jordan said, anger starting to show in her voice.

"You're sick!" Ray shouted.

"Uh…yeah…whatever not true." Mike answered.

"We are the men in black! Galaxy defenders!" Max sang oblivious to what was going on.

"So….Mike got any last words?" Jordan asked adjusting her rocket launcher.

"Yeah….look behind you." Mike pointed with one of his 20 fingers. They looked behind them and saw an alien…like with Sigourney Weaver….them sons of bitches.

Kai pulled out his high powered shotgun and blew the alien's brains on the wall. He then shot at another one to his right. Ray covered Kai's exposed side and an alien came out.

It began to do a funky dance and began to sing, "Hello my baby hello my hunny hello my sunshine gal!" BLAM!! All that was left was a stick a top hat and a cloud of smoke.

Mike began to sweatdrop.

Jordan sighed and tried again "Now…do you have any last words?"

Mike began to shake and writhe and Jordan cocked her gun, "Austa la vista baby."

BLAM!!

"Well that's mission accomplished." Tyson said proudly.

"Where's Kenny?" Max asked.

"Follow the urine trail back to the car." Ray said sighing.

So they did and went back to headquarters.

"Good work, well now that the real agent J and K have come back we don't need anymore. In 10 minutes time we will arrange to take you home."

One of them aliens/bugs came in.

"Shoot de la wamba…hey! The newbies!" He turned to the door "Hey the newbies are back!" The other 3 came in.

"God I could use a mocha." One said.

"Hey! Who brought in the hot mommas?! God I'm so horney right now!"

"Guys! Don't you have something to do? Like watch RAZER?" A foreign voice asked.

"Oh, agent J!" one said.

"Go on now…" the real agent J said. And sadly they all left.

"Well newbies, we don't really need you anymore but I appreciate you filling in for us." He dug into the pocket.

"Hey! You're going to pull out the deneuralizer!"

FLASH!

"Okay, you guys just came back from Russia to rid the world of evil dust bunnies, there is also no such thing as aliens, MIB, yada yada, there…"

And they went home.

_Sorry about not updating for so long but yeah my computer stopped uploading documents properly then I had to get a job so I could buy a new one and that took a month and just before that when I was writing this thing my first relationship fell apart so I was too depressed to write anything then there was a two week delay to get this bastard on the internet. Then there's grade 10…damn I'm starting to hate that grade…but yeah that's pretty much what happened the majority of it so yeah I have half of the next chapter written…called… "The Horns Will Sound." ­­ _

_Please Review…I want to know how many people are still reading this thing….:') and luv it XD_

_Sakura Sama 101 signing off._


	26. The Horns Will Sound

_HEY THERE! I finally got some time to write between homework and all the stuff I do after school so here's this chapter for you guys ^_^. I got this idea from schoolboredom, who I bet has been waiting very patiently for me to get my ass in gear xD but yeah hopefully this is somewhat like what you envisioned and I hope everyone likes it. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own beyblade, and I don't own this idea, I only own my room and its contents. _

Everyone laughed as Jordan went out the door. She was dressed in a hideous brown and orange suit. The colors of the well known fast food chain A&W.

Now you are probably all asking yourselves why Jordan has a job…well since Mr. Dickenson decided he was going to cut all funding….(gasp here) they've been short on money for living expenses and since Kai's the lazy cold-hearted bastard he is refused to help, Tyson and Max were not employable material, Kenny had agoraphobia and Ray worked at McDonalds. Hilary was working at the mall for a short time before she got shit-canned for being annoying.

8 hours later Jordan came home with a bag.

"Hey, hey!? What's in the bag?!...YOU KNOW THE MONEY YOU EARN IS MEANT FOR OUR LIVING EXPENSES!!" Hilary roared.

"Whoa, chill dude…" Jordan sweat-dropped, "But anywayz I was walking home from work and a strange wind blew…I turned around and there was a midget in a turban selling odd trinkets on a lemonade table." Jordan paused for people to make noises of awe, when she got none she continued, "And I thought 'Wow! This is just like Aladdin!' and I looked really hard for a lamp but I couldn't find one…which made me sad…I cried. Then I found this sign." She dug in the bag and pulled out a sign reading "HORNS WILL SOUND."

Hilary looked like she was going to explode "YOU'RE SPENDING MONEY WE NEED TO SURVIVE ON A STUPID SIGN??!!"

Jordan looked offended "But it's blue!-" the rest of the sentence was the sound of different horns going off. In shock she drops the sign.

Max picked it up and began to talk but instead of words it was horns sounds. He set it on the table "My farts smell like French fries."

"Whenever you hold the sign horns sound!" Ray pointed out needlessly

"You didn't have to point that out…I think the readers figured it out." Tyson commented.

"So what are we going to do?" Kenny asked.

They pondered it for a while…

"Hey! Why don't we send it to Tala? I mean he's not to bright and it'll take him forever to figure out the sign." Hilary commented.

"That's probably the smartest thing you've ever said in the history of beyblade!" Jordan retorted.

"But…what's the point of sending the sigh if we can't see what's going on?" Max asked.

"I'm glad someone said that." Kenny answered. "Well I realize that our beyblade careers are pretty much down the toilet so I decided to extend my skills to the electronics department." Kenny rifles through his stuff , "This is a camera about the size of a pin head, I was planning on using this to spy on Ming Ming…but this is also a good cause to use this." He showed the, a small black thing on his finger.

"That's perfect Kenny!" Ray exclaimed, so they super glued the camera onto the sign and put it in the box.

"What about audio?" Jordan asked.

"Its got a high power microphone attached."

"Batteries?"

"Solar powered, and without sunlight it lasts 10 days, I also have a satellite remote control."

"Wow, why would you make something like this?!" Tyson asked.

"To spy on other teams."

"Sure…" Jordan answered.

"Where did you get the funding?" Ray asked.

"I've been stealing from my parents since I was 10….it compounded." Kenny answered.

There was silence and then they programmed the TV, they left that to Jordan and Kenny because they knew what they were doing. Then they assigned people to watch the TV and report if anything happens.

The only interesting thing that happened was that there was an employee of the mail carrier locked in the cargo hold. By the sounds of him he was Middle Eastern.

"I bet he's a terrorist!" Tyson slapped a 5 dollar bill on the table.

"You're on!" Max put his money on the table.

The only way they guessed his ethnicity was that he was screaming his head off in a different language that Kenny said was Arabic.

"It'd be so funny if his name was Bob or Steve." Jordan commented.

"haha! Just expecting a foreign name and it's Bob you're like wtf!" Hilary says.

"You just killed it." Ray informs her.

So they listened to Bob's progress. Slowly he spoke in more English and he sounded more and more like he was going off the deep end, but luckily the plane landed and Bob was saved.

It was a boring day and a half until they finally heard Tala's voice. "Huh? Ahoy there! We got a present mates! A map to buried treasure!!" his voice took on a pirate accent.

"Really now? I'll believe that when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet!" Bryan's voice leaked in.

"Hey! You're talking about my shit!" Ian cried.

They were silent for a moment.

"Hey we did get a present." Bryan's voice sounded happy. "where did it come from."

"Well…when two boxes love eachother very very much….they decide to uh…" Spencer began to answer.

"Some fangirls in Tokyo." Tala cut in. "Arr!"

They heard the sound of paper getting ripped off. "It's a sign." Spencer said disappointed.

"What were you expecting? A nuclear warhead?" Bryan asked.

"How did you know?! That's exactly what I waned so I could blow up those fucking…..shit what were they called….BLADEBREAKERS!"

"Me too." Bryan answered.

"The horns will sound. What is that? Some sort of 'end of the world/apocalypse' thing?" Ian asked with air quotes.

"HONK!"

They turned to Tala who was holding the sign.

"Dude are you okay?" Bryan asked.

"You sound like a truck." Spencer added.

"Honk!" Tala tried talking again.

The bladebreakers were laughing.

Tala set the sign on the table,

"Shut up you maggots or I'll make you walk the plank! Arrg!" Tala screamed.

"You're normal!" Bryan said happily.

"Yes of course I am!"

"Are you sure about that Tala? Think about what you're saying, think about it very carefully." Ian said.

"Yeah don't go cyborg on us." Spencer added.

"I'M NOT A MOTHERFUCKING CYBORG!!" Tala screamed.

"Okay! Okay! Chill out!" Bryan soothed Tala, he then picked up the sign to examine it. "I think it's one of those Honk! HONK honk!" his voice turned into one of those bicycle horns.

"Haha! Tala sounds like a semmy and you sound like a clown!" Ian teased.

"Tala looks like a clown."

Kai hadn't been paying attention, "WHERE'S THE FUCKING CLOWN!?"

"Dude…what?" Max asked confused.

"WHERE'S THE CLOWN?!" Kai screamed. Hey was digging the never ending closet in the porch and pulled out a baseball bat, "WHERE!?"

Ronald McDonald pokes his head in the window, "Hello there? Have you seen any orphans around?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Kai screamed. "MOMMA!" and began to cry.

"Do you have a mommy son?" Ronald asked Kai who was huddled in the back corner.

"No! because my mommy got killed by a clown!" Kai cried harder. The others just watched in horror, Kai was crying, and when Kai was crying someone died. This wasn't a wives tale, this was fact!

"Yo! Clown! Run! Or you'll get the gas!" Max warned. Kai started to maniacally laugh. The clown ran away and Kai looked around and realized that the clown was gone, cleared his throat and went back to normal. The others looked at him like he grew a second head.

"You guys got a problem?" he asked, definitely back to normal.

"Just your face." Jordan replied then went back to the movie. Bryan was still holding the sign and they were playing charades. After watching this go on for an hour Bryan freaked out and threw the sign at Spencer.

"BLACK MAGIC!! HASN'T ANYONE MADE THE CONNECTION THAT THE HORNS WILL SOUND AND WHEN SOMEONE HOLDS THE SIGN HORNS SOUND??!!" Bryan screamed.

"Whoa chill dude…" Ian soothed.

"I refuse to calm down!"

"Vat ist going on boys?" A foreign voice asked.

"Boris!" Tala hissed. "Jesus could you have been any louder Bryan?! As punishment you now have to clean the poop deck!"

"Sorry, got carried away."

Boris entered the room, "what is all the ruckus!?" He hissed.

"The rookies downstairs." Bryan answered, "They've been practicing very hard."

"You always blame the wookies why do you blame the wookies!?" Boris cried in his thick Russian accent.

'so we can hear you say 'wookie.'' Tala thought.

"Because they don't know any better sir." Ian answered.

"More like you don't know any better and you are blaming it on the wookies."

"Then why did you ask us who did it if you're already convinced it's us?" Tala asked.

"How dare you speak to me like that!" Boris said outraged.

"I dare you by speaking to your face! You aren't our master anymore! We house you-" Tala poked Boris's chest, "out of the small goodness of our hearts because you have nowhere else to go! So you're the bitch and until you earn your keep you will always be the bitch! Now go clean the poop deck!"

"You just got served!" Max roared at the tv.

"Hot wheels! Beat that!" Tyson added.

"Damn you hotwheels for corrupting young boys everywhere!" Ray cried "With your stupid assembly required parts THAT DON'T WORK!"

"I can tell someone got disappointed as a child." Jordan randomly commented.

"Yes I was!" Ray puffed out his chest.

"Hotwheels and transformers…kill little boys' dreams." Max said sadly.

* * *

Meanwhile Boris just stood there and looked like Tala slapped him in the face, he walked away.

"Hotwheels! Beat that!" Ian whooped.

"Lets give this to Boris and see what happens." Bryan suggested. So they wrapped it back up. Giving one last honk each laughing at the possibilities of what Boris could do with the sign. They left it outside Boris's door and went to the room next door where there were plenty of holes in the wall.

Boris was crying because his one love yelled at him

* * *

Meanwhile…

"Well this is boring." Hilary said listening to Boris's heartbroken sobs.

"Who knew Boris had a sensitive side." Jordan said as she turned to Kai "Wait, I take that back."

Suddenly Tala's face came back into view.

"WHAT WERE WE THINKING?!?!" Bryan's voice was heard.

"Here's the jacket, I got it with no difficulty." Ian was heard. So they sewed the sign inside the jacket but there was luckily a hole where they could see. But it was in the back.

"Hey are we rewinding?" Tyson asked.

"No, we're on the rear. The 4 Russians sneaked the jacket back. Boris put it on and tried to train the rookies but that went very bad as all that came out of his mouth was horn sounds, everyone was laughing at him, and Boris gave up and went to go cry. But that sounded like horns too, after a few days of this, of everyone laughing at him and he wasn't able to figure out why, even the white tigers laughed at Boris, he never did anything to them. But he was in his room crying and it sounded like horns, they heard gun shots and Boris fell to the ground. Tala came in and looked confused.

Bryan followed him "What happened?"

"I don't know I heard the shots and Boris is lying down on the ground bleeding from the head, and lying in a pool of his own blood, but I don't know if he's dead…."

"You're a goddamn doctor!"

"Not really."

"He's dead."

"Okay. That bitch never cleaned the poop deck."

The camera cut out.

"I get a funny feeling that none of this is my fault." Jordan commented.

"You bought the sign." Hilary reminded her.

"I didn't motion to send it over."

"Train. NOW!" Kai ordered

So they went off to train.

_END!_

_I'm finally done this chapter ^_^ wow it took me forever! But I hope that it's still good and that it's up to everyone's expectations! Please make my day and review? Please? I want feedback!_


	27. Chinese New Year

_Oh boy…what started off as an excellent story idea turned into one of the most delayed things I have ever done… What was meant to be a tribute to the Chinese new year…is now going to be posted in the summer lol ^_^ forgive my shitty writing…but yeah…the usual, School, math 30…I'm so dead in that course. And I got surgery haha so that's why I have time to finally post ^_^ well enjoy…even if it is…roughly 4 months late…_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade_

Ray had a lot of things on his mind. A lot of it involved porno…but that's not the reason I'm writing this chapter. He was horribly depressed, he wanted to go home. When he joined the bladebreakers this was not what he signed up for. Not even Christmas could brighten his spirits, what could he do to make himself feel better…

"Ray?" a voice broke into his thoughts. He opened his eyes to see Jordan 3 cm from his face holding a knife. "Why the long face? You know…if you keep this up I'm going to have to carve a smile on your face…"

Ray laughed, "Dark Knight…well you don't have to go to that extreme."

"Well what can I do to cheer you up?"

"Well I want to celebrate the Chinese New Year."

Jordan looked at him blankly, "Do you know how many fireworks I'm gonna have to get illegally?"

Ray rolled his eyes, "It's not all about the illegal fireworks, there's 'lucky money' and food, reuniting with family and the lantern festival, and dragon dance-"

"Well do you want to go to China and see the others and celebrate it with the white tigers?"

"Yeah! And I want you guys to come and learn a bit about my culture!"

"Yeah! It'll be the best!" Jordan cheered.

So the gang soon found themselves on a plane a few days later…

"I feel like I'm forgetting something…" Jordan muttered.

"Did you tell the white tigers that we were coming?" Kenny asked.

"….DAMN IT!"

"Typical…" Kai muttered.

"When I want your opinion I'll ask you for it!" Jordan snapped.

Kai had his ear buds in and Jordan decided to annoy Kai by stealing his ear bud. She was very surprised when she heard the Max and Ruby theme song.

"Kai…you're a very sad sad child…" Jordan shook her head solemnly.

"I could have pirate songs like Tala…" Kai answered.

"Oh yeah true enough…"

When they landed they went on a bus and rode out to the middle of nowhere that is Ray's home. They got quite a reception.

"You guys should have told us you were all coming!!" Mariah squealed.

"Yeah but nothing's better than a surprise!" Max answered.

"Hopefully there's enough food…" Kevin muttered.

"WHAT!!??" Gary and Tyson roared.

"Well we're glad you all could make it." Lee said. They went inside one of the huts, Mariah and Jordan were watching the food and the guys stole a bottle of sake from Ray's grandpa.

"But won't he get mad?" Max asked.

"Alcohol is the last thing that crotch needs. And I have a score to settle." Ray shook his fist dramatically.

"Oh…about the catnip?" Hilary asked.

Ray gave her a glance, "No I'm after him because he is after my lucky charms!"

"Ray, please tell me you aren't going to do anything incredibly stupid…" Mariah cried.

"Aww Mariah, since when have I ever done anything like that?" Ray asked.

Mariah took a deep breath, "When you left the village, when you bought an inflatable goat to use as a hunting decoy, when you tried to crazy carpet down the mountain in the summer, and when you said an astrologist was an ass doctor-"

"Yeah! because he looks at your bum, you know, ass-trology…and your bum can be called a full moon." Ray broke in.

"He does bring up a valid point." Max commented.

"Plus your bum can twinkle…"

"Kay I think you're taking it a little too far."

Tyson threw up, "Yeah a little bit." Kenny agreed.

"Why are we comparing an asshole to a star?" Kevin asked.

"Because Ray is gay…" Kai muttered.

"Why does that sound like a good idea for a poem?" Jordan asked.

"Because you're mean and sadistic!" Tyson pouted, he never got over his poem, 'Tyson is a bison.'

"Ahem! I wasn't finished!" Mariah snapped.

"Whoops sorry!" Max apologized.

"It's fine, I forgot where I was anyway." Mariah shrugged her shoulders.

"What **were** we talking about before?" Hilary asked.

"Something about Ray's grandfather."

"Oh yes!" Mariah made a fist, "Ray if you make a scene I will hurt you!"

"What if he starts it?" Ray asked innocently.

"I'll finish it." Mariah said as she left the room.

"Don't worry…" Lee muttered, "We'll put some epicac or ex-lax in his food, he'll be too busy purging his bowels to bug you."

Ray glanced at Jordan, "Please tell me you brought the stash…"

Jordan just sighed, "How would I have smuggled it on the plane?!"

"You'd have found a way."

"And die by tazer? No thanks."

"Please tell me you brought some of it."

"Some but not enough for a plan of that scale."

"We can always borrow some from Kevin." Lee suggested.

"But won't Kevin get mad?" Jordan asked.

"Kevin's always mad." Lee answered.

"Good point." Ray gave Lee a high five.

"So…how do we break in?" Jordan whispered.

"What are you 3 plotting!?" Mariah hollered.

"Nothing!" Jordan answered, her face took on an angelic look, luckily for her it fooled the target.

"I see you've been practicing." Ray smirked.

"I see you're stupid." Jordan retorted.

"So…what's our plan?" Lee asked.

"We break in through the front door, with random anonymous blackmail about his gay lover!" Jordan spurted on the spot. The others just gave her blank stares, "What? It has a 5 percent chance of working…"

"Lets just give him a crack berry." Ray suggested pulling out a black berry.

"Why is it called a crack berry?" Lee asked.

Jordan brightened up, "Because when you eat it it's more addicting and powerful than crack!"

"You can eat it?" Lee asked.

"Of course!"

"Jordan, go back to your cave...and no Lee don't believe her, you can't eat it. It just does a lot of cool stuff…"

"**IF** there's a signal out here." Kai commented. "And if he has the capacity to learn how to use it…"

"Last I checked he didn't know how to use the egg timer…" Ray thought out loud.

"Now he does, I taught him yesterday!" Lee beamed.

"He might just have the capacity to operate it! Just because you had trouble Kai…" Jordan scolded.

"Now to find our victim…" Lee took them to Kevin's secret hideout, which was pretty much a big tree with a hole in it with neon lights saying 'Kevin's Hideout.'

"Wow, now that's really 'secret'!" Jordan said sarcastically.

"Oh well." Ray answered.

"It'd have taken us way longer to find it if it wasn't so obvious." Lee pointed out, "So really it was a time saver…"

Ray began knocking on the door, a bamboo slit pushed open and two beady eyes looked out, "Password?"

"White Tigers!" Ray said confidently.

"As much as I would love to say 'Sorry traitor, you guessed wrong mofo!' you got it right, I'm to lazy to change it." Kevin opened the door, "So what do you losers want?"

"I wanted to apologize." Ray began, "Here's a blackberry to say what's a couple desertions between friends?" he handed Kevin the blackberry.

"What is it?" Kevin asked curiously as he looked at it.

"It's like a phone and a computer built into one. You can look at all of the porn you want, just don't break it!"

"It's not going to work out here! We are in the middle of fucking nowhere!" Kevin yelled exasperated.

"If we believe in ourselves and the others we will make it out alive…" Ray said in a cool calm voice.

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

"I don't know, but it sounds cool."

Kevin shook his head, "I'll take it because it's a gift. But what's the catch?"

"You let us look in your wares and let us have revenge on Ray's grandfather." Jordan answered.

"You're lucky he's been calling me Yoda for the past month or I wouldn't consider." Kevin beckoned them, "Come in, take your pick."

They all looked in the gallery of Kevin's supplies.

"It's perfect…" Jordan murmured amazed.

"What a stench!" Kai was trying to figure out why he was still there.

Ray began to grab what was needed and a little extra in case the worst should happen and that little old man had enough in him to get on his MoPed.

"Why am I still here?" Kai asked out loud and walked away.

"We don't know! Go back to commi land if you don't like democracy!" Lee shook his fist.

"Lee…in case you haven't noticed, China's communist too." Kai muttered.

Lee pouted, "Damn it! I'll get you one day!"

"JORDAN! GET IN HERE AND HELP MAKE DUMPLINGS!" Mariah screamed.

"And that's my cue to exit." Jordan muttered, she walked back to the house to see everyone dressed in Chinese clothes. Tyson was also tied to a chair in the den.

The others were just chilling, not really doing anything, just playing Yugioh because they were horribly possessed with boredom.

Jordan began to help Mariah with the feast and preparations; the whole village was assembling in their backyard under a pavilion the boys had set up earlier. All in all the day went by fast and soon it was the feast.

Ray, Lee, and Jordan were keeping a close eye on their target, who was sitting, glaring at all the company.

"Were you able to sneak in the extra ingredients?" Lee asked.

"Quite easily I should say, but no, your sister **had** to be a lesbian and make things that much harder by putting them away when I had to use the washroom." Jordan answered.

"But you did right?" Ray asked.

"Of course." Jordan answered.

Kai walked toward them, "Did you plant the MoPed?" Lee asked.

"Maybe."

"That means 'Yes' in Kai language." Jordan snickered.

"JORDAN! GET UP HERE AND HELP ME SERVE THIS!!" Mariah screamed.

"God what a mangina…" Jordan muttered as she left.

So they continued to watch Ray's grandfather as they ate and laughed as he shit his depends multiple times and by multiple times I mean over 20. And the gang would have gotten away with it too if they weren't laughing so hard. So they got chased and hid up a tree for a while. When Ray's grandfather finally collapsed ad the bottom of the tree they climbed down.

"Well we probably should go before your sister takes a crack at us…" Jordan muttered.

"Yeah…I'm coming with." Lee said.

"What about those illegal fireworks?!"

"One step ahead of you." Ray lit the fuses and the sky lit up in brilliant illegal colors.

"It's so beautiful!" Jordan crooned.

So the four of them ran for the next plane to Japan.

"What about the next 14 days of celebrations?" Ray asked.

"I think our lives are more important than parties!"

END!

_Well I hope you enjoyed that chapter, I thought I did pretty good considering being almost dead haha, well I don't have any ideas on when the next chapter is going to be up, but it's going to be called, You got mail. And it's going to tackle the whole internet thing…and relatives on the internet haha ^_^ please review!_


	28. You've Got Mail

_Hey guys xD long time…no update haha…I can't even remember the last time I did update…but it couldn't have been more than 6 months ago hehe. Well, I've been so busy writing I literally turned my room into an office. It's kinda funny I don't even refer to my room as my room, I refer to it as "My Office." THAT'S how busy writing I was. So I was lucky and caught a break and went camping, and that's where I got time to write this in peace and quiet…whenever my DS died of course…cause I regret to inform everyone that I am addicted…to pokemon. HOW SAD IS THAT!? Blame my friend Colton for that though. He got it for me as a practical joke for my birthday as a reminder of how bad nerds we were when we were eight…I got him eyeliner for his birthday to make fun of his not trying to be emoness… so I had it coming. By the way…I've been reading my reviews from everyone, and realized I haven't really been using all of people's ideas. But I try to use at least one from each person. So…yeah there is one that I know I can't do because I can never find the show, and it had to do with who's line is it anyway, but I've been using your other ideas so don't eat me haha, and the next chapter is going to be "Foamy returns." Yes I'm bringing back foamy xD sooo I'll stop talking and let you guys start reading!_

_Warnings: Because everyone is so touchy about stuff I'm putting a warning. I am criticizing websites, if I happen to make fun of a website you like…take it in good fun please…I'm even making fun of a website that I'm really fond of so if I can make fun of it then you guys can certainly take it got it? Good!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade, Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, Bebo, Nexopia or rockband! (well I own it in my house…but not the trademark) _

"MOTHER FUCKER!!" Jordan screamed at her laptop.

"What now?" Kenny asked mildly irritated.

"Mother fucking facebook being a fucking faggot!" Jordan responded.

"Then why do you go on it Jordan?" Kenny couldn't help but ask. He knew that the answer he was going to receive was going to be borderline retarded.

"Well…I can connect with the small amount of fans I have, talk to family and friends, play games like bloodlines, which is pissing me off at the moment and I want to quit, and stalk people I know…join the undead army…the usual."

"Okay then?" Kenny wasn't sure what to say.

"You should join facebook."

"I'd rather not…"

"How come?"

"Because social networking sites are stupid and pointless."

Jordan slammed her lid down, "Now I understand why you don't have other friends." And she left the room.

"…I have friends right Steve?" Kenny asked the quiet room.

Hilary was in the kitchen making snacks when Jordan walked in.

"What are you so happy about?" Hilary asked.

"I just ninjaed Kenny's brain." Jordan snickered.

"Can't you go one day without hurting someone's feelings, online or in this house?"

"…No…"

Hilary sighed, "Go check up on Kai…I haven't seen him for approximately a month, go check his room to make sure there isn't a rotting corpse in his room, or that he isn't feeding on locals."

Jordan sighed, "Fine…I'll do it…" And she made her way to the basement and when she made it to Kai's room she wasn't surprised to find it empty. What did surprise her was that his computer was left on and that he was logged into everything. "To do it…or not to do it…definitely going to do it."

So Jordan hopped onto the chair and went on Kai's facebook. First she had to change Kai's status to… 'I'm so horny for Tala and his pirate boots right now!' followed by sending a marriage request to Tala…then suddenly a notification popped up. A friend request from Kenny. "No freaking way!" she accepted it.

She noticed Kai's hotmail was open so she looked in there and found an email from Koneko Kuregeshi. She opened it, curious and surprised that Kai even had other relatives.

_Yo Kai,_

_Wuts up?! I haven't heard from you in forevers! How's life?! I'm doing okay! Really tired from beyblade tournaments. There's one on the 20__th__ in your town so I'm coming to visit whether you like it or not!_

_Koneko_

Jordan stiffened, "The evil overlord of darkness is behind me isn't he…" she muttered. She quickly marked the email as unread and clicked back.

"Jordan…what are you doing in my room…on my chair on my computer?" Kai asked menacingly.

Jordan racked her brain for a good excuse, or one so incredibly stupid that Kai would give up and she'd get away Scott free. She decided on plan B. "Well…you see…Kai…when you disappeared so suddenly Hilary freaked out and thought you joined a coven of vampires! And not of the Twilight variety! The kind who rape innocents and play mind games and hurt people!" it was a half truth.

"That doesn't explain why you went on my computer." Kai growled.

"Well, when Hilary asked me to look for you I decided to look in your room. Glad to see you finished that huge hunk of chocolate off. Well anyway I thought the best way to look for you is to check your computer."

"Just get out." Kai sighed and popped in some Advil.

"Will do!" Jordan left, glad to still have her life.

She went upstairs to witness a fight between Max and Tyson.

"Myspace!" Tyson argued.

"Facebook!" Max shouted back

"Myspace is better!"

"No! Facebook is!"

"Tyson, everyone knows myspace is facebook's retarded older brother." Jordan decided to get involved.

"Jordan, you bitch about facebook more than lots of other things. And you never really tried to get to know myspace." Tyson argued.

"Tyson pretty much all of the internet predators and n00bs are on myspace. I refuse to be registered on the same sites as them!"

"What if they have both?"

"They operate on myspace usually." Jordan decided on a compromise. "But at least myspace is better than Nexopia, I'll give myspace that."

"Agreed." Tyson shook Jordan's hand.

"By the way…Kai's cousin Koneko is coming to visit."

"Kai has family!?" Tyson asked.

"I guess so…" Ray answered.

"Where did you come from?" Hilary asked.

"Just logged off of Nexopia why?" Max started laughing and Jordan and Tyson exchanged looks. "What?"

"It's nothing…" Tyson answered.

"JORDAN!" Kai screamed.

"I'm going to go before Kai sucks my blood…" Jordan booked cheese out of there.

A few days later there was a knock on the door. Jordan went to answer it. There was a white haired girl with cat ears and a tail standing there. "You must be Jordan! I'm Koneko! But you can call me Neko!" She ran inside.

"Oh jebus…" Jordan sighed, "it's the female Max…" and she shut the door.

Meanwhile Neko was running around exploring the house, "Oh my god! It's so big! And roomy! Not like our puny house in Australia!"

"Well…that's what renovating does and multiple curtain attacks and constant yard sales does." Ray answered.

"Yard sales?" Neko asked.

"Yeah, being broke, going under, dealing with everyday troubles, our sponsor withdrawing money for his drug addiction typical things."

"Oh…where's Kai?"

"He's probably in the basement feeding on innocents." Jordan answered.

"No, he's afraid of blood." Neko informed.

"He is?"

"Yup."

Jordan rubbed her hands eagerly, unbeknownst to the others. Kai emerged from the basement and Neko ran towards him and kicked him in the ribs.

"Neko!"

"Sorry still haven't forgiven you." Neko looked up, "Holy shit your tall!"

"Yeah."

"I'm hungry." Tyson commented.

"What's new fatty?" Ray answered.

"Neko, would you like to be my friend on facebook?" Kenny asked.

"Of course!" Neko answered. Hilary gave Jordan a glare.

"You know what would be good to eat?" Max asked.

"Cheeseburger pasta?" Jordan answered.

"Exactly."

"Get making it Jordan." Kai ordered.

"You can't tell me what to do!"

"I'm your captain!"

"You're showing off for your cousin to get on her good side!"

"Maybe I am! Maybe I want to reconcile with her for being brainwashed into killing her mother!"

"Wow that's fucked up."

"Please go cook the pasta…you're the only one who makes it right." Kai decided to try a different route.

"And you said flattery didn't get anyone anywhere? I'll get making it right away!" Jordan went into the kitchen.

"Flattery doesn't but reverse psychology does." Kai commented.

(ruler)

Jordan meanwhile was checking her facebook on her laptop. She also got a friend request from Kenny, which she accepted out of the goodness of her heart, but she quickly regretted it when she saw how many friends she had "622 friends?! Your fucking kidding!" her friends list had 210. Unfortunately she had to watch lunch so that was all she had time to do.

(ruler)

"What is there to do in this place? Neko was already bored.

"We could throw water balloons at the hag next door." Max suggested. He took quite a liking to Neko.

"We aren't running up our water bill by wasting precious resources on that hag." Hilary answered.

"Anything in town?" Ray asked.

"I'm not sure…" Hilary answered.

"After lunch let's go for a drive." Jordan suggested.

"Agreed."

Lunch was quickly served Cheeseburger pasta and Cream of Potato soup. After eating and an hour digestion period they were on the road. Jordan was driving, but don't worry, over the last little while her driving had drastically improved, much to the others pleasure.

They scanned town for something to do, the results yielded nothing until…

"Hey is that Baileigh and Daemon?" Tyson asked as he pointed to two familiar figures on the sidewalk, Jordan pulled over to investigate.

"Baileigh! Daemon! WAZ UP!!"

"WAZ UP!!"

"Showing the sights as usual and as always there's nothing to see." Kenny stated.

"Well…there's a contest going on-" Baileigh began.

"Is it pie eating?!" Tyson cut in.

"…No it's rockband."

"Even better!"

"Yeah, anyway…we're lost. We can't find Shooters where it's being held."

"Shooters is a bar." Ray informed.

"No…It's a tavern." Baileigh corrected.

"I thought it was a pub." Hilary stated.

"No I'm pretty sure it's a lounge." Max chirped.

"Anyway…the point is that we are all underage, and can't get in." Jordan decided to end it. "Although…I bet my Canadian I.D will work since I'm a foreigner and diplomatic immunity…"

"One problem with that Jordan…how do I put this so that you understand…oh yes…YOU AREN'T 18!" Kai broke her bubble.

"Almost 18…"

"In 8 months."

"I wonder what will happen to us when we're adults…will we still be professional beybladers? Or will they retire us and have us replaced." Ray pondered.

"Well that's all Mr. Dickinson and the BBA's choice, not to mention all of the wonderful loving fans we have out there." Max answered.

"Well I'm going to be involved with beyblading for my entire life. I'll coach if I have to!" Tyson got into his pose.

"This is it guys! No more being lazy! We give it 110 percent from now on!" Kenny cheered.

'I wonder how long this will last…' Kai thought to himself.

"Will we still get to have fun?" Jordan asked.

"Yes…we just have to be more professional when the cameras are rolling." Ray thought on that, "Not saying that we can't have fun and make fans laugh, but we can't make it look like we escaped from the asylum."

"Agreed."

Kai meanwhile was phoning up Mr. D to tell him of this epiphany.

"_Hello this is Mr. Dickinson."_

"Hey Mr. Dickinson its Kai."

"_Oh good afternoon Kai, to what honor am I receiving this phone call?"_

"We decided to grow up."

"_Ahh I see. You're saying your rebellious phase is over then."_

"Yes."

"_Good to hear! I expect you'll all be at the bladebreaker classic this weekend! Cheerio!" _ And he hung up.

Meanwhile…

"Hey! I'm Neko! I'm unfortunately Kai's little cousin! And I don't mean to barge into the conversation but why don't we get fake I.D s?"

That might work…" Baileigh thought to herself.

"The only problem with that is that we don't know anyone who makes decent ones." Max answered.

Jordan pulled into shooters, it was a dingy pub, not totally greasy but it could do with a renovation. On the glass door there was a sign talking about the contest and that because of the lack of contestants they would lower the age limit to 16 on the promise that they wouldn't purchase alcohol.

"Isn't that against the law?" Neko asked.

"I think so, but the bar will get in trouble not us." Jordan answered so they went inside and registered; Kai, Neko Max and Kenny were on one team, Jordan, Ray, Tyson and Hilary on another team but there wasn't enough to make a third team.

"Fuck, this sucks worse than twitter!" Baileigh growled.

"Twitter is pretty pointless isn't it?" Hilary agreed.

"Finally! Something worse than Nexopia!" Tyson yelled, then clapped Ray on the shoulder, "You aren't in the shit list for liking Nexopia anymore."

"What do you do twitter anyway? Other than twitter your time and reputation away?" Neko asked.

"You update everyone on there what you're doing, or state an opinion, but there are some people out there that we don't give a shit what they think or do. There are some people who should just be banned from twitter like Sarah Palin and a few Canadian politicians, or just politicians in general." Jordan answered.

"So it's kinda like a facebook status then." Neko verified.

"Yeah, like that." Jordan nodded, "Honestly though, do you honestly think anyone on the internet gives a damn if you're taking a shit, or you hate your neighbor or you're picking up your kids? Probably only your friends, why do it on twitter when you can do it on facebook?!"

"What's so fucking great about facebook? All social networking sites are equal, besides, facebook is full of viruses and it errors just as much as it loads." Ray answered. "If anything it errors more than any of the others on there."

"So what? After going through bullshit with bebo I'm glad I even joined another site. Facebook is the only one I understand…mostly…"

"Lets all stop hacking others on their internet choices okay?"

"…Fine…"

Hiro and Tala walked into the bar and walked over, "So you guys needed 2 more people to play rockband with?" Hiro asked.

"So my prayers were answered!" Kenny cried, "I'm starting to like this facebook!"

So everyone got registered, after about 2 hours Baileigh's team got 3rd place. And it was a face off between Kai's team and Tyson's team. Those two were on guitar, Max and Ray were on drums, Kenny and Hilary were on bass sand Neko and Jordan were on vocals. The song….Two Weeks by All That Remains.

In the beginning things were looking good, things were evenly matched, especially since everyone was showing off and went on expert, well except Hilary and Kenny that is, they were on medium. Then things got into the guitar solo, and things got pretty heated up between Tyson and Kai, but Tyson came out with 100% while Kai got 98% but when the song was over and done with Tyson's team came out on top by 3% but nothing's wrong with 2nd place either especially since they all got prizes, money prizes I should add, and some merch like 2 iPods and 2 cell phones which got given to peeps who don't have them like Ray and Tala so now everyone could text each other.

"Sweet! Now I can get rid of the pirate CDs and put them on my computer!" Tala whooped.

And everyone…weirded out by Tala's weird obsession with pirates and their songs….quickly drove home.

END!

_So yes…I'm sorry if this isn't funny, I was hoping it is, and that it is also entertaining xD sooooo yeah you guys know what to do R&R or Tala will come to your house at midnight and drink all your vodka and drunkenly sing pirate songs, all night and also keep screaming, "WHERE'S THE RUM GONE!?" when in fact he doesn't drink it…and don't think he won't either! Toodles for now!_


	29. HBS Christmas special

_Yes I did say that the next chapter was going to be foamy…but I forgot and wrote a Christmas special instead ^_^ so yeah when I get to writing this fic again I will write the foamy one next ^_^. Also it was supposed to be updated on Christmas, but blame fate for giving me a virus on Christmas day...anyways enjoy. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade, nor do I own the "Twas night before Christmas" remake in here, that's on Dennis Leary, any typos or mistakes are intentional…partly cause I couldn't find it on the internet, and because it'd be funny if it was a little screwed up. _

Everyone in the bladebreakers and company loved Christmas in their own way. Tyson obviously loved the food, Jordan loved the T.V specials that came on, Max loved the candy, Kenny liked all the presents he got and Hilary liked the company and good spirit. Kai…didn't care but the excuse to drink was fine with him.

The question this year was deciding on if they were going to include the other teams in on their festivities. Hilary was the one who suggested it and she was the only one who wanted it. The others didn't want those heathens in their house, so they decided to visit Jordan's parents in Canada instead.

However, that was at the beginning of December, the chapter really begins now. A figure was sitting by the fireplace reading a book.

"T'was the night before Christmas and all through the hood, not a creature was stirring, not even my landlord…cause I paid that bitch on the 18th. The dime bags were hung on the chimney with care in hopes that my weed dealer, Split Liverstein, would soon be here. The children all rested, snug in their beds while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads. Smoke enough angel dust you'll see sugar plums and all kinds of shit. When say what to my wondering eyes did I spy, but a tricked out, pimped out mother fucking ride. With a little old driver, retarded and tan, I knew it must be Saint Nick…or that cat from the boot tank clan. More rapper than eagles his courses they came and he whistled and shouted and called them by name, now Tupac, now Drey, Now Snoop and B.I.G, On Fiddy, Cues, Flavor, Diddy. To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall, now dash away, dash away! MOVE YOUR ASS BEFORE I COOK YA! And then in the twinkling I heard on the roof, the prancing and pawing of each little hoof. My glack in my hand I was turning around and down the chimney St. Nick came with a bound. He was dressed all in fir, from his kicks to his legs, he looked whacked out, cracked out, least I thought he did. He spoke not a word but went to his thing and filled all the dime bags with the stickiest green shit. Laying his finger inside his nose, he been workin all night, you gotta do blow. But I heard him exclaim as he finally submerged "Happy Christmas to all…and that's the last word…….bitch!" Jordan turned around.

"Jordan…its not Christmas Eve…" Kenny informed her.

"I don't care I wanted to say it."

"You probably got some of it wrong…" Max added.

"Does it look like I care?"

"Not really." Tyson answered.

"Where's Ray?" Hilary asked.

"We sent him to the roof to put up the Christmas lights."

The sounds of things falling and a mini avalanche of snow passed in front of their window. Everyone ran out to see two legs sticking out of a mound of snow.

"Ray!" Hilary cried as the foot twitched.

"Tyson get the shovel!" Jordan ordered.

"It's right beside you!" Tyson retorted.

"You need to contribute more!"

So Tyson got the shovel and they began their rescue attempt. Thankfully, it wasn't long before they got Ray out of there. He was turning a scary shade of blue and his lips were turning purple. He was shaking violently in his body's attempt to warm him up. Why was it so cold? That was because they stuck with their original plan to go to Jordan's parents house in Canada in Northern Alberta where it was -40 outside.

They put Ray on one of the couches and helped him out of his wet clothes. They gave him a few blankets, brought over the space heater and gave him something warm to drink.

"What happened up there Ray?" Max asked.

Ray gave a little shudder, "I slipped on some ice and by some miracle a string of lights was wrapped around my ankles so I hung there for a few hours until that snow fell off the roof."

"Why didn't you scream? Or try to use your phone and phone the house?" Jordan asked.

"I did scream……I screamed until my lungs froze…" Ray's voice they noticed was significantly quieter and much more hoarse.

"And the phone?"

"I WAS UPSIDE DOWN BUNDLED IN A PARKA OR 5!! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO GET IT?!"

"You could have at least tried…" Jordan sighed but turned to the others, "Tyson, Max you finish what Ray started. The rest of us will help decorate the house…Kai, you go out with Tyson and Max, you're used to the weather and it'll get done faster…"

"…fine…" Kai answered. They got ready and were soon out there.

Jordan's parents never did bother to put up Christmas lights so while they were out shopping Jordan decided she would surprise them by having them up and running for when they came home. Technically, it was Christmas holidays the date was the 20th. Jordan was looking at the cards on the shelf her mother got from her job.

"The 12 days of 'grossmas'?"

12 yellow snowballs

11 farting reindeer

10 Santa buttcracks

9 Moldy fruitcakes

8 Sweaty long johns

7 frozen boogers

6 Smelly stockings

5 bathroom rings

4 mooning elves

3 Chunky eggnogs

2 Tinsel Hairballs

And a second carrot on a snowman!

"Wow…that was weird…" She put the card back and continued onto correspondence courses she working on. She came across a section called 'Gestures and Behavior.' And a sub section on Russia. It said that it was rude in Russia to slouch and lean on stuff in public. "That's all Kai ever does in public is slouch and lean on shit…no wonder he left…" She continued reading it.

An hour later Tyson, Max and Kai came back in, healthy shades of red and slightly numb. Hilary had hot chocolate waiting for them, which they gratefully drank.

Kai turned on the lights, which didn't just outline the roof…it illuminated the whole thing.

"Holy shit…" Jordan said as she looked at their glowing roof, "I don't know if my parents will like it…but I'm sure as hell not letting them take it down!" Jordan grinned.

Everyone went back inside to wait for Jordan's parents and family to get back…and to watch the Christmas shows…and make beef jerky. Soon they could hear the sounds of an SUV pulling in and they watched in excitement as they saw the look of bewildered awe plastered on their faces as they entered the house, "Jordan…did you put Christmas lights on the roof?"

"We all did." Hilary answered.

"Thanks!" Max grinned, "We all worked really hard on it! Hell Ray nearly died getting them up!"

Jordan's mom paled, "Where is he?"

"I'm on the couch." Ray answered.

Jordan's mom ran over to make sure he was alright. "How do you nearly die from hanging up Christmas lights?" Jordan's brother Josh asked.

"Try hanging there for a few hours by your foot from Christmas lights." Jordan answered.

Jordan's mom was heard cackling at that, Ray and her mom entered the kitchen, "Sorry Ray…I can see you hanging there in my mind and it's so funny!"

"Oh mom…" Jordan facepalmed.

"Sorry…" She began to make supper.

The rest of the day was normal. The next day everyone was assigned roles, Hilary was on phones, Tyson and Max were to entertain Jordan's brothers Josh and Joel. Jordan and Ray were to do errands and Kai decided to go with them. They began their drive…

"So what all do we have to do?" Ray asked.

"Groceries, Mail, drugstore, the bank, UFA and home hardware, and after that or during we can shop for Christmas presents." Jordan answered.

"Alright sounds fun." Ray answered.

"Hnn…" Kai muttered.

They drove into the small town and started their quest and they started in the IGA. They wandered around the IGA looking to complete their list of Christmas goodies…the turkey they wouldn't buy here as it was too expensive. So they got the snacks and appetizers, fetched the mail, did some Christmas shopping, Jordan put some money in her account, and got her dad something at home hardware. They then picked up prescriptions and gassed up then went home…and nothing bad happened! Well Jordan almost hit some deer…but that was it.

"Why didn't you get anything Kai?" Ray asked.

"Everyone's getting a check." He surly answered.

"Oh okay…" Ray answered.

Meanwhile…

Josh, Joel, Max and Tyson were out hunting, and that was a hilarious but scary thought in itself. Josh and Joel were armed with a 300 win mag and a 30/6. Their prey was any coyote who was unfortunate enough to cross their path. On they continued down the foliage when they heard a twig snap.

BOOM! Max pulled the trigger in the direction he heard it out of fear. After Max got a scolding from the brothers the 4 continued on their hunt.

The others lazed about all day as tomorrow they were heading to the big city…but not really a big city.

After going to bed early and getting up early they were on their way to the big city. Jordan's parents, her brothers, Tyson, Max and Kenny took one vehicle and Jordan, Ray, Kai and Hilary took the other. It was about an hour drive on a poorly paved rode so it was an interesting drive. Max and Tyson loved the bumps as well as Joel. Josh was used to them at this point and Kenny was ready with a barf bucket.

"Bastards just paved this road…it made it even worse." Jordan's dad grumbled.

"What?!" Kenny moaned.

"It's true, they just paved it a few months ago."

They hit a particularly nasty bump. "Tyson aren't you happy you're wearing your seatbelt?" Max chirped happily.

"Yes Max, I am. I'm happy that I'm not bouncing all over the car like what happened that one time." Tyson moodily retorted.

"What happened?" Jordan's mom asked.

"We were going down a road that was ten times worse than this one and Tyson believed that he was too cool for a seatbelt so he got thrown around much to the dislike of the others.

Jordan's mom laughed, "How dumb."

Kenny moaned, "His grandfather's the same…he did the same thing on the same trip."

Jordan's mom laughed at the vision in her head of Tyson and an old man bouncing around in a tiny crowded car, "Oh…sorry Tyson…I can see it in my mind and its so funny…"

In the other car…

"You would think that with the money I donate to this place they could pave better roads…" Jordan grumbled.

"That's the government though." Kai muttered.

"No…it's the people who pave the roads who are to blame because they suck!" Jordan groaned.

They continued on…meanwhile changing into disguises so no one would recognize them. First was the mall, which wasn't half as big as they were used to but it was still a mall nonetheless. They all split up to do their thing, as it would be faster that way. It was lucky that the mall was so small in that you could easily hear what the others were doing simply by the outbursts you would hear of people getting mad at them or them getting mad at people.

There was a nasty fight at Zellers that involved Jordan's mom and Hilary almost stabbing a little old lady…don't get me wrong from what the others heard, she was a cantankerous old bitch and needed it. Thankfully they got her back to the asylum where she belonged.

The others quickly got what they needed and all met in the food court for lunch. Jordan and Ray were dubbed, 'Orange Julius bitches' and were sent to get them. Kai and Josh were now 'Present guarding bitches' and stayed behind to guard the goods. Kai was the intimidator and Josh was the muscle. The others got the food and they ate quickly before anyone found them out or exacted revenge.

Then it was to the second hand game store and EB Games.

"Jordan you have to stay in the car." Hilary informed her.

"What?! Why?!" Jordan protested.

"Because since all you want for Christmas are Final Fantasy games we HAVE to come here, and be damned if I'm telling you or letting you see what you're getting for Christmas!" Ray added.

"Someone's crabby…." Jordan muttered.

"I'm tired of your snooping." Ray answered. He and Hilary went inside the store. Kai was giving out checks so he saw no point in leaving. It was another antagonizing 10 minutes later that everyone came out it was then that they went to EB games where they waited for another hour.

"I bet they got the wrong games and got me something really gay like G-Force or Dungeons of Druaga…"

"I wouldn't worry about it." Kai sullenly answered.

Jordan turned to face where he was sitting in the back, "What do you want for Christmas? Do you think anyone got it for you?"

Kai shrugged, "Maybe, I've always wanted a camera, so I could scrapbook."

Jordan smiled, "That's pretty cool, I'll see what I can find, I didn't know you did that."

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me."

Jordan grinned, "I suppose there are…and I'm going to find them out!"

Before Kai could answer Ray and Hilary opened the doors and got in, Kai quickly began to look out the window. "Where to next?" Jordan asked.

"The movie theatre." Hilary answered. So off they drove to the theatre. What was playing? They weren't really sure.

"It better not be Alice in Wonderland…it looks gay…" Jordan muttered.

"You're so picky!" Jordan's mom scolded her.

"And you're going to ask me what happens throughout the whole thing so I miss plot points and can't answer." Jordan answered.

"Yeah probably…" Her mom admitted.

"You're just like grandpa…" Jordan sighed.

"We're gonna go see him tomorrow!" Her mom grinned.

"Sweet!"

In the end, they decided to see Sherlock Holmes, which was an amazing movie.

The drive home was uneventful, everyone was so exhausted that they slept or just kept to themselves, they unpacked their things as soon as they got home and fell asleep.

The next day everyone got up and caught up on their wrapping, it was a little later in the afternoon when they left to go to Jordan's grandfather's house.

"Don't you have a grandma?"

"Yeah but they're divorced." Jordan answered.

"Why don't we go see both of them?"

"Cause we don't know what they're doing and weren't invited."

"Oh."

"For your own safety keep the windows closed and don't get out of the car right away." Jordan informed them as she turned into the driveway.

"Why?" Ray asked.

Before Jordan could answer the reason why burst out the front door wearing holey pajamas and was carrying a shotgun.

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY TREES!!" The man began to fire off his gun. Everyone ducked down as he continued to fire his gun. They stayed down until he stopped open firing.

"Is that your grandpa?" Ray asked.

"Mmhmm…" Jordan answered.

He stopped firing the gun and everyone cautiously raised their heads to see the man walking towards them. They sat up and began to collect their stuff they were going to bring inside. He came up to her dad's window, "Sorry…its those goddamn woodpeckers destroying my trees. Please come in!"

Hilary poked her head up to see a couple dead woodpeckers and a few trees with bullet holes in them…she held back a sob. They went inside and other than the occasional racist joke; it was a good and fun visit. They all came back smelling like cigarette smoke, as was the custom.

Soon it was Christmas day and everyone opened their presents. Jordan got all of the final fantasy games she wanted, Hilary opened her presents to find designer clothes, Ray's gifts were interesting, he was on a body building kick so they got him all different kinds of equipment and books, Max got candy and Tyson got beyblade equipment. Kenny got computer stuff and Kai got stuff like aftershave, a gold watch, and cologne and a bottle of vodka from Tyson.

After everyone dispersed to play or use their things, Jordan came up to Kai and handed him a present.

"Merry Christmas Kai." Jordan handed over the gift.

"Merry Christmas." He opened it to find scrapbooking stuff and a camera.

"KAI!" 5 voices yelled.

"What now…" He muttered.

"What's the big idea!" Tyson flashed the card in his face.

Jordan grabbed it and read it, "Merry Christmas from Kai, P.S Buy your own goddamn presents."

"Shit I forgot the checks…" Kai muttered.

END!!!

_So yeah sorry this was late, and sorry if it wasn't really funny, it was a real spur of the moment sort of update since I only really manage to do this one twice a year…so yeah I'll update whenever I get the chance. _

_Sakura Sama 101_


End file.
